A New Life

Apr 11, 2009

As long as I can remember I have been overweight.  In high school I weigh 180 pounds I I thought I was fat.  All my friends were skinny and I always had a big butt and hips.  I went on my first diet my senior year of high school and lost 25 pounds for the prom.  I did not worry about my weight again until I had my first child at 21.  My weight started going up really fast, that my doctor put me on a diet while I was pregnant.  I could to stay on that diet and I gained 50 pounds during that pregnancy.  I was over the 200 mark and I started getting depressed.  Over the next 15 years I yo-yo dieted. I got pregnant with my second child 15 years later and balloon up and over 300 pounds; I was so embarrassed that I would close my eyes when they weigh me and told them not to tell me how much I weighed.  So I am not really sure how much over 300 pounds I weighed when I had my second child, I just know that I was really big.   I tried every fad diet there was; I even went on what I call a starvation diet.  I was about 270 pounds and was only eating 1000 calories a day.  I lost 35 pounds and felt really good.  But when I stopped that diet all the weight came back and then some.  It took me 2 years to decide to have this surgery.  I was embarrassed that I have let my self go.  I was embarrassed that I needed this kind of help.  I felt ashamed of myself.  I finally talked with my PCP and asked her if I would be a good candidate for this surgery; and she said yes.  My first appointment, I almost left out of there crying.  I wanted to go with the band and the nurse told me that i really needed the RNY.  He was very mean to me, and I was already suffering from low self esteem.  I called my husband while I was waiting for the Dr.; I crying to him and told him that I did not know if I should go through with this.  (I was really doing this because my oldest son was graduating from high school and he was having an open house and I did not want some of my oldest friends to see me at this weight).  Well, when the doctor came in he was really nice and reassured me that everything would be okay.  He said it was my choice to have the band or the RNY bypass.  He gave me all the information that I needed to make a informed decision.  I really like my doctor; we talked about a lot of things that day; so I decided to have the RNY; but I had to go the psych exam.  Well, I did not pass; and I had to go to the therapist.  They said that I was depressed, and I guess I was because I was going through a lot of things at work and at home.  I saw this therapist for a whole year (yes I said a year).  Dr. Franklin really help me through a lot of things that was going on in my life.  And it made me realize that I want to do this for myself and not anyone else.  My oldest son is embarrassed by me weight, but I do not care anymore; I am doing this for me.  I have told a few people; some has said good things but others says that it is dangerous and for me to really be careful.  I am at the point in my life, that I am not worry about what people say anymore.  My husband is really supportive; (he loves me at any weight).   But I want to start a new life, I want to shop at a regular size store.  I want to go clothes shopping and not worry so much about if something is going to fit.  I want to hang out with my friends and not worry about being the biggest one.  Anyway, this is my story and I am glad to share it with OH.

Thank you,

Kathy

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