Joanne C.

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3/17/07

Big Sigh.

I am cursed with the Altitude Sickness gene.

We went to the Guadalupe Mountains National Park last weekend. Our original plan was to camp at the lower campground, do a small hike to help aclimate to the higher altitude, and then the next morning hike the Peak Trail to the backcountry camp area, spend the night, summit the next morning and hike down.

At least that was the plan.

Well, the lower campground was full. So we got brave and hiked straight to the upper area.

Now, I have only hiked one other mountain, Wheeler Peak. So when I was planning and deciding if we could do this, I was using Wheeler Peak as a comparison. I figured since Guadalupe was so much lower (only 8700 ft, compared to 13,000) and less miles to the summit, and it is warmer, that NO PROBLEM!

Bad idea.

TOTALLY different types of trails. Wheeler Peak was a much longer trail, but was almost like a mountain road. Guadalupe was nothing but a trail. And VERY rocky and steep.

It took over 7 hours to get to the camp. I thought I did much better this time, I was able to drink and eat all the way up. We had to stop a little more often though. And I was very nervous at a couple of spots. The trail was a tad bit narrow for my comfort and the drop off down the side of the mountain is just RIGHT THERE (of course Wheeler wasn't like that!).

But we made it! We settled in, ate dinner, took some pictures and went to bed.

And then around 3:30 am it hit me. Upset stomache, headache, feel like "death chewing on a cracker". By 5 am I knew there was no way I could summit. The altitude was getting to me again. I was very sad.

My husband got up at 7, he left to summit while stayed behind with stomache cramps and trying not to throw up. He made it back by 9:30 and we packed up and headed down.

Another difference - Wheeler Peak: coming down was a piece of cake and very enjoyable and quick. Guadalupe: coming down was just as hard as going up and took 6 hours!

So......no more mountains for me. Until I get to goal weight. Then I will ask for an unfill, I will attempt Wheeler Peak and/or Guadalupe, and see if I still get sick. Then I will know if it is me or because of the band that I can't do altitude. I hope it is just the band. Then I will just need to get unfilled before a high hike. Otherwise, I will just have to stick to low land hikes.

We also went to Carlsbad Caverns and did the self guided walking tour. So beautiful! The bats have not come back yet from Mexico. I was dissappointed about that. But we are planning on going back sometime and taking the family and hopefully get to see the bats then.

First the sv: After several months of seeing 255,256,258,255,257,256,262,258 etc…, This morning: 251!!

NSV: After 11 months, I think my brain has finally caught up with my band. The last 3 weeks have been different. I no longer feel like I am being deprived or missing out or whatever by putting a smaller portion on my smaller plate. I quite looking at all that food I could no longer eat, and thinking how it wasn’t FAIR and wanting more,more,more, and, too many times, giving in to the wanting. My brain finally seems to have accepted that full is now a different feeling then what it used to be, and it is a better feeling. It’s an IN CONTROL feeling!!

There is a movie called Labyrinth. It was made in the 80’s I think with David Bowie as The Goblin King, and a young Jennifer Connolly is in it. There is a scene towards the end where Bowie is talking to Connolly and saying how he is exhausted being what she wanted. She looks at him and says in a kind of amazed wonder “you have no power over me”. Everything that had happened was because she believed it to be that way, and as soon as she realized SHE was in control and SHE was really the one with the power, everything changed.

And that is it EXACTLY. I finally feel like I can look at food and say “YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME”!

Hoorah for me!

2/4/07

I finally got a 2nd fill on 1/31. Only .5cc's this time. So that is 1.5 in my 4cc band.

I had got to the point, before the fill, where I was just hungry all the time. I would eat and 30 minutes later I felt like I had not eaten anything! It was so horrible. I had forgotten what that felt like. Last fall when I thought I was too hungry, was nothing compared to what I felt the last 3 weeks! But now I can recoginize the difference, so that is good and will be a good way to tell when I REALLY need a fill or just need to "get back to basics" and behave myself.

It is really a blessing to be able to eat a smaller portion and stop. And then not be hungry for 4 hours or so.

The scales finally took a dip this morning too. I am down to 256.5. I try to not weigh as often and to not focus on that number, but it sure is nice to see it moving again.

During my extra hungry spell, I kicked the exercise into super high gear, because I was TERRIFIED of the weight coming back on, and I know I was eating like a pig. I know I have lost some inches from it, I can tell in my clothes. I still don't enjoy the exercise though. I try to!

I can't believe my one year date is coming up soon. It has been such a great time for me. I feel like I have been living my life again, instead of just existing in it.

March 10th - climbing Guadalupe Peak - 8,749 feet.

12/29/06 I can not believe the year is almost over. And what a year it has been!

I started the year at 338 lbs, ending at 257.5 (this morning anyways).
I was wearing a 4x and busting out of 28/30. I got an XL shirt for Christmas - AND IT FITS!! And I squeezed into a pair of 20 jeans.
I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without stopping and catching my breath. Last month, I climbed a MOUNTAIN. And LIKED it.

Goal for 2007: I am going to work real hard on getting my head in line with my stomache. I KNOW that I can not physically eat as much. I will work to stop trying/wanting to eat more then I am physically able.

Well I am now officiall "in my forties". Ugh. 41. But on the up side I am way healthier then ever before. I have had a busy busy week and I am not eating real well. I am trying to compinsate with the extra working out. It seems to be working. I have managed to not gain any, and am maintaining. I will take that for now.

12/3/06
I had an appointment with Dr. Kim last week. He was so pleased with my weight loss and the exercise I am getting.

But no fill. He said I am doing just fine.

Funny, but most of the time I don't FEEL like I am doing just fine.

11/28/06
We got back Saturday from our vacation. It was so great, even with all the troubles we had.

We left Friday (11/16) after work, for Abilene . We dropped off oldest daughter (youngest daughter decided to come with at the last minute) and moved gear to father in law’s truck, with all the scouts stuff, and took off. We drove to past Lubbock to catch up with them. The church we were supposed to sleep in fell through, so we drove to close to the New Mexico border. Then we found a rest area to spend the night in. The kids slept inside the vehicles, the rest of us threw our bags on the ground and snuggled down for the rest of the night.

I have never slept outside without a tent before. I felt very vulnerable.

Saturday (11/17) we drove the rest of the way to a little town just past Taos , New Mexico . My father in law had a friend that had some cabins and he let us use them as a “base” to help us adjust to the altitude, and that is where we spent Saturday night.

We left Sunday mid-morning for the mountain. We got a late start because some of the boy scouts had forgotten some stuff and a run in to the nearest WalMart was needed.

We hit the trail around 11 am. I was immediately dying. The thin air was kicking my butt. I was huffing and puffing like a freight train! After about the first 10 minutes, I seriously thought it would be better if I turned around and went back and just stayed at the cabins and waited for everyone. My father in law just kept cheering me on. So I kept trying. I just had to stop a lot and catch my breath. Then I hit a patch of ice and down I went. After that they took my pack and passed it around, everyone taking turns carrying it for me. I don’t think I could have done it with my full pack, I barely did it without it! By the time we stopped for lunch, I was already starting to get sick from the altitude. I felt totally barfy. I only ate a little (2 crackers with chicken salad) and tried to drink as much as I could.

My hubby was struggling to keep up too. But he had his full pack. We ended up being about 45 minutes behind everyone else. We hiked the last stretch in the dark! Everyone else had made camp already. By that time, I was so exhausted I could only take 2 or 3 steps and then had to stop and rest.

When we finally made camp, everyone was supper nice and let me crawl in a tent and just lay down for a while. Someone helped hubby put up our tent and get our dinner made. I didn’t eat anything, and only drank about half a cup of hot cocoa, before I crashed for the night.

I got up in the middle of the night for a bathroom break and I actually felt a little bit better. So I drank some water and ate half a granola bar.

By morning I was pretty sure I was going to live, and that I would be able hike out. The night before, I was very worried about how I was going to get off the mountain. I felt THAT bad.

For breakfast, I chocked down a cup of hot cocoa and managed half a protein bar. After a meeting to look over the map and take stock of how everyone was feeling (I wasn’t the only one having trouble adjusting to the altitude!) it was decided that there just wouldn’t be time to make the summit, and hike all the way back down. So they decided to go to the top of the Bull of the Woods Mount ( I think that is what it was called) and call it good enough.

I went ahead and started back down. I am slower so I knew they would catch up – and pass me – in no time at all. And they did!

I enjoyed the hike down a lot more then going up. I actually looked around and enjoyed the magnificent views. It was so beautiful! Going up, I had just kept my head down and concentrated on picking up one foot and putting it down again!

By the time we stopped for lunch, I was feeling tons better and ate lots of beef jerky and 3 cheese sticks.

After we got off the trail, we drove back to the cabins and spent the night there again. I got some laundry done, and soaked in 3 tubs full of hot water. We drove back to Abilene on Tuesday (11/21).

It wasn’t until Wednesday that all the aches and pains set in. My calves have never hurt so bad in my life! And my left hip was sore from falling on the ice. I could barely move my legs! I will never regret doing it, though. I don’t care how sore I got or how barfy I felt, or how hard the climb up was. It was the neatest thing I have ever done. And I still can’t believe I did. I CLIMBED A MOUNTAIN!

And I can’t wait to do it again!

11/16/06
Someone needs to seriously put a band around my brain.  We had our Thanksgiving "dinner" at work today.  I can't believe how much I ate!  I don't have much restriction this week because I am starting my period soon.  I seem to be more open right before and then really tight during.  Anyway, I was just miserable all afternoon.  And I am still full and not having any dinner.  And why did I eat that much?  Because it was there, and it was good and because I COULD.  How sad.  I guess I miss eating when I have restriction, because then when I don't, I over eat.

Will that ever get better?

My 4 day hike that was supposed to be in Oklahoma, turns out it is in New Mexico.  In the mountains.  As in 40degrees during the day and 15  degrees at night.  BBBBRRRRR.  I am still excited though.  We are getting all packed up tonight so we can leave right after work tomorrow.

I hope I can keep up and I don't slow everyone down!

11/9/2006

I am finally done copying over my entries from the old format. What a pain in the butt. Why couldn't they have made the entries transfer when you converted to the new format?




And NO ONE is allowed to send me a message and tell me that there was an easy way to do it. TOO LATE and I don't want to know!!




What's new:

-My vacation just got approved today, so the 4 day hike is now OFFICIALLY on.
-I think everyone at work now knows about my Lap Band. Not one negative comment. To my face anyway. And I have had 3 people ask me questions and I have given out my surgeons card and this web site.

-I am pretty sure I am not going to make my Christmas goal of 100 lbs lost. I haven't given up, just preparing myself for the disappointment.




I can't think of anything else at the moment.

10/4/06 I am a little late but below is my 6 month picture.

I added the list at the top of my weight. I didn't do one for my measurements since I forgot to measure at the begining. But I did remeasure for the six months, and here are the losses:

Calf: -3/4 Thigh: -1 Hips: -2 Waist: -1/2 Chest: -1 1/2 Bust: -2 1/4 Arm: -1 1/2

So at 6 months I am down 66 lbs and 9 1/2 inches!

10/8/06 We went hiking yesterday, and we went further than ever before. 3 miles out, 3 miles back. It was great! I don't know if I mentioned it before, but my hubby and I have been invited to go on a 4 day hike with my father in law's scout troop. We will be doing about 7-8 miles each day. So we are trying to get used to it.

My fill is doing good. Most mornings I cant eat very much, lunch I can eat a bit more and then a fairly normal (bandster normal!) dinner. Once or twice I didn't feel as much restriction and was able to eat a bit more and my husband said something. Good thing, it made me stop and notice, otherwise I may have just kept on eating. Those old habits sure die hard.

The head hunger is my biggest challenge. We had pizza last night. Not the healthiest choice, but I'm ok with being healthy only 95% of the time. I ate 2 pieces, and really should have stopped at 1 1/2. When I grabbed a third piece my hubby questioned me. And I sighed said you are right and put it back.

What does it take to get passed the thinking that I should eat it because it is there and it tastes good? Why can't I just be satisfied with being full, and think I need to be stuffed?

10/21/06 I am still battling the head hungries. I don't know why it has gotten so much harder. This probably the stage at every single time I was on weight watchers, that I would quit. Lap Band I can't quit. I don't want to quit. I want to get past this, and WORK it correctly. I don't like eating until I slime. I haven't PB'd or barfed, I have been slimming a lot. I just need to listen to my body and not my head and just STOP.

That and stay away from birthday cake! October is a heavy birthday month in my family. 5 people. 2 down and 3 to go. And I can't say I did well on the first 2.

The only thing saving me is exercising. I still walk 1 mile every day at lunch M-F. We go to the gym maybe twice a week - and we need to increase that! But at the gym, I do 2 miles. The last time I used the Program on the tread mill and did inclines and everything. It was hard, but I did it. Plus we still try and get in hiking 2 or 3 times a month. We are going tomorrow. I don't know if we are doing 6 miles again or not. But if we weren't doing this I would have gained.

I don't know how others fills are, but my restriction seems to come and go. Some days are restricted and I don't eat a lot. Other days seem like I got nothing and I eat too much. And it seems to be more of the nothing days.

I am trying to keep positive and remind myself what everyone says about it taking several fills to get a Sweet Spot. I guess I thought because I did so well at the beginning with no fill that I would sail through the rest with hardly any trouble.

I was really hoping to be down 100 lbs by Christmas. I need to lose another 30 lbs to get there.

Wish me luck!