mrsr95

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well, 4 weeks have gone by.............so hard to believe.  i'm so glad the pain is all gone and the tenderness.  i still get a bit tired in the afternoon but thats ok.

today is day 2 back in the office.  great responses from co-workers.  now that i have to wear "nice " clothes.  i see and feel the difference.  4 weeks of old sweatpants are over.

i cut my hair and blew it dry and ironed it (thanks to my husbands help) and  makeup sure does make a difference in how i feel when i walk in the door.

i feel lighter when i walk and people say i look rested and happier.  thats great feedback. 

thats it for now...........off to a meeting

i'm frustrated.  since starting soft foods last monday (yup, 1 1/2 weeks ago) i have not lost anything.  i've gained and lost the same 2 pounds.  what???  i didnt sign up for this.

i lost 30 pounds lickety split.........now nothing.  am i eating too much?  not enough?  wrong choices?  ugh!

i'm going to post this on the main board, too.  someone should know something.......

well, monday was the start of soft foods.  i had pain right smack in the middle of my stomach.  it felt like a hand turning into a fist.  it would come and go in waves.  the pain was so GREAT.  never felt anything like it. 

the surgeon on call thought it was constipation but after a few hours of this ..........i finally threw up.  i felt a lot better.  my stomach was very tender.  it didnt even like sips of water.  i didn't have a protein drink for 12 hours because of this

so, yesterday at my follow up with the surgeon.  he mentioned it was most likely too much food too soon.  the whole was getting blocked.  GEESH!!!  now i know.............so, i'm afraid to eat.  not sure how often to eat.  so, i'm sticking to liquids more because its something i know.  i have noticed that greek yogurts going down are ok  as is cottage cheese.  tried chicken last night and my stomach was not too happy

i guess this will be a guessing game until i get into the groove of it

Yup, 5 hours in the ER.........but with a positive result

i still am having difficulties taking a deep breathe because my left ribs really hurt and i get winded if i'm talking too much.  So, after 2 days of pain...........i thought it would be best to call the surgeon just in case.   There were 3 possibilities

1. muscular
2.  skeletal
3.  blood clot in the lung

i had a CT Scan and it showed NO BLOOD CLOT.  that was exciting to hear....i didnt realize how much fear i have with those words.   anyway, the ER guy thought that it most likely was skeletal since they had to push down a lot on my ribs to maneuver.  something i didn't think of ......

last week, when the stomach pain was so great, it was my primary pain..........now since its decreasing more and more.......my secondary pain on my side is becoming the primary.  that is why i didn't notice it before.........so the professionals tell me.  makes sense........

i dont know what is going on with me...........yesterday afternoon was about watching how recipes come to life and technique.  thats BS.........TODAY......its all about extreme food joints with 15 pound burgers and the strangest mcdonalds all around the world......HOLLERING.........UGH!!!

i'm daydreaming about food.  stuff i loved and stuff i didnt.

after church, went to Vons....my first outing.  found some cream soups and those little danactive drinkable yogurts.  those were "cute" and took care of my sweet tooth.  this was good for about 4 hours...........now, i'm daydreaming again.  i want sushi! 

i'm sure its one of the many phases and that i'm not alone...........but boy, do tacos sound good right now


THIS TOO SHALL PASS.........it has to.

ok.....this may be a bit too much info but i just finally got off the toilet!  phew......first time in 2 weeks.

i was getting a bit worried.  NOW, the problem is that i'm sick of this liquid diet but i have 8 days to go

ugh!

i didnt sleep well last night.  dreamt like crazy til 2....up from 2 -3:30 watching lucy reruns

now i'm dressed and ready to leave...............all emtions are going thru my head


all done in a few hours and then i can focus on recovering and healing

tomorrow at this time, i'll be in pre-op.  cant believe it.  this 1 1/2 year journey has reached this point........i'm anxious to see what the next 1 1/2 years will bring.

i'm anxious for sure.......not scared.  i have my supplies but need to clean my room and bathroom.  hopefully, that will keep me preoccupied.  i am a bit whoozy at times.......7 days without food is a first for me.

i'm so glad i found this website.........the feeling "im alone" sucks.........now i know i am NOT alone and that in a matter of minutes........i can get support from others like me.  Thanks for being there for me

best wishes to all tomorrow and future surgery dates...........

 

i can tell the tides are changing...........i actually purchased a scale so i can document and track accurately my results.  For YEARS, those things were never in my bathroom because they were (of course) evil...................the first thing one has to do in a doctor's office......ugh!!

YET.........here I am.......a proud owner of a scale.  a RED one to boot.....i figure, it might as well be dramatic and bright.   so, i guess this truly is the first step towards healing.............sure as heck would not have purchased one before

A TOAST..........TO ME!  i'm in awe of myself...................who am i turning into?  ha ha ha

so UCLA just confirmed........i'm the 2nd case.........11am! 

a rush of different emotions with fear being in the #1 place.  New friends on this site have come back with some great thoughts and it is actually working.  i'm calming down.....

i guess the thing that is in the front of all the emotions is that i must bury an old friend.  a friend that has been around for decades.............true, not the most positive friend but definitely a constant.  i am focusing on mourning for a little bit and then the future.  shopping wherever i want..........sit comfortably in a theatre/plane/restaurant booth etc....better health.........i could go on and on

so, my hat is off to all those that have gone before me..............in 72 hours.........i will be one of you.............and thats ok!