MsMickieMay
9/18/07...36 hours till surgery time
Sep 18, 2007
I am having many mixed emotions tonight and for the last couple nights. I am having a lot of cravings for 'forbidden' foods since I am on the last leg of the liquid pre-op diet. Cravings for brats, greasy hamburgers, steak......hmmmm..... is there a theme going here? Fat? Protein? Maybe i need to have a protein shake.
I am also afraid that I will have complications of the lap RNY and have to have a full incision made. I also have an unreasonable (hopefully) fear that this tool will not 'work' for me. I think that is an artifact of the hopelessness I have developed over the past few years when all my best efforts, and even my last ditch efforts, have ended in failure. When all hope is gone, it seems like there is still plenty of despair to go around.
All the time I was fulfilling the pre-op requirements, I was so hopeful and impatiently happy and anticipating the best. Now that surgery is right around the corner and all the t's crossed and the i's dotted, what if I am one of the ones who fail? (I never hear on these boards about those people, of course not, why advertise that you are a loser in a room full of the winners. )
So what are the statistics of those who use this tool successfully vs those who are given the tool and then manage to muck it all up? I work with a girl who is as fat as I am, and gossip has it that she had WLS and gave up and went back to compulsive overeating. But on the other hand, my sister was much bigger than I am (by fifty pounds) and she had the WLS in the early 80's and has succesfully kept her weight off and is more active than ever.
Okay, maybe this is all a case of the pre-op jitters and after Thursday, all will be well. I can't wait to begin to regain some of the agility and ability that I have relinquished to obesity. I can't wait to find the "new you, the real you" that my Surgeon's office uses as a motto.
I will try to continue to post through out my process.
I am also afraid that I will have complications of the lap RNY and have to have a full incision made. I also have an unreasonable (hopefully) fear that this tool will not 'work' for me. I think that is an artifact of the hopelessness I have developed over the past few years when all my best efforts, and even my last ditch efforts, have ended in failure. When all hope is gone, it seems like there is still plenty of despair to go around.
All the time I was fulfilling the pre-op requirements, I was so hopeful and impatiently happy and anticipating the best. Now that surgery is right around the corner and all the t's crossed and the i's dotted, what if I am one of the ones who fail? (I never hear on these boards about those people, of course not, why advertise that you are a loser in a room full of the winners. )
So what are the statistics of those who use this tool successfully vs those who are given the tool and then manage to muck it all up? I work with a girl who is as fat as I am, and gossip has it that she had WLS and gave up and went back to compulsive overeating. But on the other hand, my sister was much bigger than I am (by fifty pounds) and she had the WLS in the early 80's and has succesfully kept her weight off and is more active than ever.
Okay, maybe this is all a case of the pre-op jitters and after Thursday, all will be well. I can't wait to begin to regain some of the agility and ability that I have relinquished to obesity. I can't wait to find the "new you, the real you" that my Surgeon's office uses as a motto.
I will try to continue to post through out my process.
