Meg Q.

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Wow it has been a long time time I blogged on this site. I visit Obesity help often but have become a lurker. I will put my 2 cents in once in a while though. Anyways today is my 2 year anniversary since GBS. I am so happy with the result and my strong sense of self worth now. I started my journey at 340 pounds and today am at 171. So 169 pounds I have lost and do not carry around anymore! And have maintained my weight for over a year now. I wish I could say everything is my life is as great as my sugery results... 
I am so sad these days because I feel like a statue watching my marriage fall apart around me. We have a lot of issues and are going to begin couseling. I feel like we owe it to ourselves to try and work through our problems with counseling but I don't know what will happen. When I got married it was forever in my mind and now I am here, I just feel so helpless. I won't bore anyone with details but I guess the problems we are having don't surprise me, they were a long time coming, I guess you could say the shit hit the fan. My life just seems so up in the air right now and I am a very confused girl these days. I just hope I have the strength to get through this and if we can't work things out, well, I will worry about that when and if the time comes..

Oops I forgot to write last month.  Life is still good.  I read profiles every now and again and when I come across someone who has had nothing but issues since surgery I really feel bad for them.  How did I get so lucky not to have serious problems?  What did their surgeon do different, if anything?  I guess it is just a risk we all take having this surgery.  I truly feel lucky.  I have lost 165 lbs and have my life back.  I feel as though I sound like a broken record in my posts.  Some days I just need to pinch myself because I would have never guessed I would be able to come this far.  I really feel "normal" these days whatever that is.  I am able to eat a "normal" person portion, able to wear "normal" clothes, able to feel "normal" in public and at work, able to sit into "normal" seats, the list goes on and on.  Even now, I am sitting here thinking about everything that has changed in my life.  Currently, my legs are crossed, unconsciously of course, who would have thought??  It was a task before to make my legs cross and I could not keep them crossed for very long.  Well enough of that.  Take care and follow your heart!

10/18/06...I can't believe it but it has been over 1 year since I had my surgery.  Let me tell you it has been quite a year!  I feel like I have gained back self confidence, self worth and motivation again.  I have recently landed a higher level position at MSU and will be starting at the end of October.  I am really excited about this because not only is it higher level and higher paying but it is related to my educational background and there are some great perks with this position.  Honestly I do not think I would have got this position without surgery.  The confidence I have and possessed in the interview would not have been the case 1 year ago.  This is definitely an exciting time.  I am now down to my goal weight of 175 pounds!  I started at 340 so I am literally almost half of the person I used to be.  I'm sure if I had plastics I would be :)

8/3/06....The end of summer is drawing near.  It just has been so stinking hot the past couple of days here in Michigan...uuggghhh.  However, I can only imagine how miserable I would be if I was at my pre-op weight.  Yeah I do not even want to think about it.  I weighed myself this morning....189 lbs!  I have lost 151 pounds...crazy!!!  I am going to rant for a minute about "society".  I was shopping yesterday.  The treatment I receive now compared to before is much different...why?  I am glad that I finally have a little RESPECT but mad at the same time.  I truly believe that someone real large becomes invisible.  It is wierd to actually be seen! 

 

7/10/06...Last weekend was great.  It was July 4th weekend and I spent it at a lake with my husband and my best friend.  I was able to water ski again and again and again.  It was one of the most liberating moments of my life.  Everything just made sense.  I have pretty much come full circle from last summer.  I was completely miserable and basically doing the daily motions last year at this time and now I just feel like "ME" again.  This surgery was the best gift I ever gave myself.  I even find myself walking in front of the glass case at work a second  time trying to get another glimpse of myself :)  Where did I go??  I have lost a total of 145 pounds now.  What now?  Kids....well not yet.  When I went into surgery I was in the mindset when I lost the weight I wanted to start a family.  Well now I want to enjoy myself which I have not been able to do in about 5 years.  I am now just not ready anymore.   I figure I have time, I am 26 years old so there is no need to rush into it.  Until next time :)

5/18/06...I'm back from Colorado and it was a great trip.  It was kindof chilly that week which is really unusual this time of year but we still had a great time.  I once again got on a airplane without any fear of the dreaded seatbelt.  Today I am currently down 132 pounds weighing in at 208 pounds wearing a 16 pant and large shirt.  Wow my goal before this surgery was to be 175 pounds and wear a size 14 pant and to be honest I thought that might be a stretch but I am almost there!  I feel great!  Last night I was a guest speaker at a Bariatric presentation my surgeon puts on every month.  It was a lot of fun.  I get very nervous when I talk in front of people but I think I did alright.  I brought a few before pictures and an outfit I wore at 340 pounds.  I could not believe the difference myself!  When I put those pants up to my new body I almost cried it would of been happy tears of course.  It was cool to talk about my experience and answer questions of hopeful patients.  I hope I can do it again :)  Maybe next time I won't be so nervous.  

4/4/06....I'm Baaaccckkkk....I'm feeling good, eating good, and loving life.  What else can I say?  I am down 121 pounds now...wow it is nuts!  I have gone from 26/28 top and pant to 18/20 pant and L/XL shirt.  Everytime I put on a large top or something in the back of my mind I am saying yeah right that is not gonna fit and sure enough it does!  Just happened this morning with a large polo I bought last summer.   I am going to see my best friend next month, she has lived in Colorado for about 5 years and I have never visited, I always used the money excuse but basically I think I really just did not want to deal with flying, which is such a NON issue anymore and I just love that.  My sister is going out there with me so it is just the girls and should be a great time.  I am still plugging away at looking for a new (higher paid) career that I know I deserve.  Hopefully that will fall into place this year.  Well I guess that is it for now.  Bye Bye 

 

4/28/06...Well I am down 125 lbs :)  I just cannot believe it sometimes.   Next weekend I am flying out to Colorado and I am so excited.  Tonight I am meeting up with a couple of ex-coworkers and friends and am really excited to just hang out after work and catch up.  We go out for lunch once in awhile but are always rushed so tonight we can relax.  This weekend shall bring fun times.  Last summer my sister got me hooked on garage sales.  I can't believe some of the great stuff I find.  Obviously one of the things I am looking for is clothes and I have always liked nice stuff and amazingly enough I find some great brands out there.  So now it is a tradition.  We have fun and get to spend time together away from our men :) 

 

 

3/8/06...I love my new found (well found it again) sense of confidence.  This is truly the best decision I have ever made for myself.  I work at MSU which is a great place to work but I do not make the money I should be making with a BA in Advertising and Associate in Marketing and just kindof let those degrees go to the wayside as I got bigger and bigger and my confidence got smaller and smaller.  I guess I never felt I had the confidence and/or ability to try and go for those jobs I went to school for.  NOW I find myself more confident than ever and sending out resume's to certain vacant positions.  I am stepping out of the MSU box and actually sending resumes to other employers which is a huge step, my whole life I kindof stayed in a comfort zone and working at MSU is just another example of that.  I graduated with my BA from here and now I find myself working here.  I am now down 108 pounds from my highest weight, which is just mind boggling.  I used to dread the thought of bringing kids into the world at that weight and sending them down the path I had went, now I am actually looking forward to the time when we are ready to start a family.  They will benefit from this surgery too because I will try my hardest to show them a healthier lifestyle.  My husband has even lost some pounds since I had surgery which makes me real proud. 
Would I have surgery again even with my complications??  YES.

2/7/06....I'mmmm baaaccckkkk....from Cancun that is.  It was the best vacation I have ever had, we did lots of activities but also was able to relax.  It was just so beautiful there and to come back to Michigan and 5 inches of snow was kindof depressing!  Some highlights of the trip was swimming with dolphins, snorkeling and parasailing.  I still cannot believe I parasailed but it was a pretty cool experience.  I thought the food would be a challenge but there was plenty of good choices to make.  I have to admit I tested the waters (yes I'm human) on some stuff but mainly with tropical alcoholic beverages and did not have any problems.  The important thing is that I am refocused this week and ready to continue on with making good choices.  While I was down there I thought a lot about how much less fun I would probably be having if I was 98 lbs. heavier (yes I've lost 98!) :).  I know I would of been too ashamed to do any of those activities, it really opened my eyes and all those times I had second guessed my decision to have surgery went right out the window.  This trip was about new experiences and not consumed by food which I cannot remember the last vacation I took and did not constantly think about food.  It was definitely a wow moment.

1/9/06....Ok well it has just been about 3 months since my surgery and I am doing good, I am down almost 90 pounds from my highest weight which is awesome, I look good and more importantly feel good these days.  I did run into a period of constant nausea for about 2 weeks in December which was horrible.  That feeling is the worst!  Long story short after a series of xrays and upper GI, it was found that I had developed a fistula and stricture. I have had one scope done and will have 2 more and then hopefully the fistula will be closed.  I am headed to Cancun in a few weeks and am so ready.  I am almost excited to see how much easier it is to fly and even splurged on a new swim suit for myself.  It is a tankini, it does not show skin but you can see my fat roll of course but I do not give a s***!  I feel much better today than last summer and I thought it was cute so it is mine.  The resort is all inclusive which makes me nervous food wise, I just hope there will be plenty of protein enriched foods! 

 

1/16/06...Last week I had the second scope procedure. The procedure itself is nothing and I thought the IV was no big deal until this time when it took them 4 tries to get it started!  I am still bruised on my hands UUUGGGHH!  This time good news came afterwards...the fistula was closed!  The stricture was starting to close a little bit so he opened that back up but other than that things looked good and my surgeon seemed happy which made me likewise!  Less than 2 weeks until I leave for Cancun! :)  I am so ready for this vacation, can't hardly contain myself.  Although I must say it is hard to find new summer clothes in January!  I found some old shorts I could wear but I am more of a capri girl now.  ANYWAYS, I am sure I will figure something out.  It is pretty cool how fast I go through sizes these days, it is so much nicer than before when I would wear things until buttons were basically popping off.  I will never forget where I came from but will always be grateful on how far I have come!