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What is today? Monday? I'm losing track of the days but here is a brief recap of what has been going on over the past few days.

Last Friday I had my RNY surgery. I am happy to say it all went well and there were no hiccups. I was in the hospital until Sunday morning. Friday was the worst, I was so nauseous from the surgery and in pain, it was so uncomfortable.  But it slowly got better and I was up walking around in no time. One horrible thing was that I started my period on Friday night! Ugh!  The nurse said that was quite common and not to be surprised. The pain killers I was on killed the cramps, but it was just inconvenient to experience.

My blood sugar also shot way up on Friday night - all the way up to 202 (it was supposed to be between 80 and 110)! They had to give me some insulin, I think it was from my IV fluids? But, it eventually came down and there were no problems.

I can't really complain, things seem to be going fairly well. I'm paranoid about dehydration and don't want to end up back into the hospital so I'm drinking constantly. Today I've been drinking about 2 oz of something every 10 minutes when I am awake. I'm already getting pretty tired of sweet stuff, my broth today was such a treat.

It's weird because I'm not really sure what is going on inside me. I can't really tell what my body is doing - things are just off. I can't explain it very well. But fluids don't go through me the same way. I know, I know, you are saying "Uh, duh!!!", but I didn't expect to feel this different. I'm sure I'll get used to it. Also, I guess my new pouch is near my diaphragm? Because when I take a deep breath or cough or hiccup, it hurts. 

I'm super paranoid about eating right now. Today during my nap, I dreamed I ate a Reese's PB cup and while I was chewing it, realized, I couldn't eat it and ran into the bathroom to spit it out. I sooooo don't want to throw up!

I'm going to attempt a little walk around the block tomorrow and see how that goes......hopefully I won't pass out!

 I'm having my RNY surgery today, a mere 5 hours from now I'll be on the operating table.

It has been a long journey to get to this point. I'm 38 years old and have been overweight since I was a teenager. My highest weight (that I know of) was 323. I'm now at about 300. I've done all (or at least it feels like all) of the diets out there and my weight has yo-yo'd all over the place. Food has been my friend, my close confidant and my comfort. About a year ago, I finally acknowledged the severe dependency relationship I had with food and started looking into WLS. Gastric Bypas seemed so drastic and I was convinced the Lap Band would work for me. The more research I did, the more I realized RNY was a  better choice for me. My biggest fear out of all this is that I will not address my emotional connection with food and slip back into old habits. I see a psychologist regularly and he is wonderful, I've been going to support groups (even when I'm grumpy and think they are a waste of time) and have made a few friends in similar situations. I really hope that a year from now, I am "successful", not just with the wieght loss, but with changing my thought patterns and coping mechanisms.

I'm nervous, excited, teary, anxious.......I'm all over the place. My dear friend flew into town to be with me and take care of me for this first week, and I'm so relieved she did. I don't have much of a support group, my family is weird, my sister that lives with me is a mess and I often feel very alone (then I eat to feel better, then I don't want to socialize because I'm fat, then I feel alone),

But, today, I'm going to change that, I'm going to work on me, my weight, my physical health, my mental health, my attitude. I would love to enter into a healthy relationship (I always seem to pick the wrong types) and embrace my life. I'm done sitting on the sidelines and watching everyone else live their lives. As much as I love my cat, I need more social interaction that her.

So, let me raise......uh......a glass of air?.......to new beginnings, to seeing myself for who I really am, weaknesses and strengths, to taking ownership of my life and stopping with the excuses! I don't know hardly anyone on this website, but all your thoughts and stories have been inspiring. I hope my journey can inspire me and maybe others.

Here goes.......