ninnifer

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Hi there!
Well, its getting to be spring time, and I'm starting to break out some clothes out of the depths of my closet....and some of them fit!  Today I'm wearing a knit jersey shirt that I haven't dare wear in over a year...probably more like two years.  Its still a bit snug around my "apron/hips", but not stretched out tight like it was last time I tried it on.  I guess that's good news :)....  I'm going to have an interview, probaby within the next few weeks, and I'm wondering what I'll wear.  It feels nice having some choice.  Just a couple of months ago I was getting really limited in what would fit.  I refused to buy any new clothes as I knew I was going for the surgery, and kept washing the same ole sweaters and pants over and over again.  Now I'm doing the same, but with other, smaller sizes of clothes.  How awesome is that?!?  
C-Ya!  Jen

Whoah.... I have had some pretty significant stress at work lately.  Emotionally I've been on somewhat of a rollercoaster today....anxiety, anger, frustration, and then relief.  And you know what the first thing was that popped into my mind with each of these emotions....A BIG MAC!  Big Mac therapy.... my God, how many times did I console myself driving through those golden arches.  But today, I couldn't.  Well, I guess I probably could, but I didn't.  Maybe it was the knowledge of how sick I'd be afterwards... who knows.  But I didn't.  I didn't.  

Will I be able to keep this up?  I really loved those Big Macs.  In fact, talking about it right now makes me crave it some more!  But, that kind of "coping" doesn't fit anymore.  It did at one time.  It got me through a lot, in fact.  Probably helped me survive some stuff that might have made me head towards 'god knows what' if it weren't available.  

What can I do to sooth myself today.
I want to go home and sleep.  Maybe I can hang out with the flowers I planted over the weekend...its sunny today.  I'd love to go clothes shopping, but I'm still too big and don't want to buy something that I'll have to throw away in a while.  Hmmmm what else?  Maybe I'll ask Bernard to hold me.  Yeah...that sounds good.  I'll call him on the cell phone as I head home..get him prepared.  Maybe after that I'll hold my rats (and who cares if they pee on me...its washable).  Maybe after that I'll plan a good dinner.  Something healthy.  I've got good stocks in the fridge and pantry.  Yeah...some scallops and some spinach from my garden.  Yeah!  Yeah!  Yeah!  Feeling better already!  Thanks for listening.

Love, JJ

Hi, and Happy March!
Today I went to my one-month post-op appointment (its acually 6 weeks since my surgery).  I'm feeling a renewed sense of wellness and happiness!  Mike (the assistant) says I'm 'on track' and doing well!  He gave me the go-ahead for getting into the pool and taking a bath!  He says that I should add some aerobic activity, so I went out and bought the "Biggest Loser" DVD.  So now I'm ready to start moving my booty, and hopefully get this metabolism moving even faster :)

That's about it for today!  Luv, JJ

Ugh....Ewww....Uck!

I'm having problems with chicken again.  I just tried to eat chicken breast this evening.  You guessed it, I got a STUCK feeling in my esophagus/ or maybe pouch?  I don't know why chicken gives me such a hard time.  Maybe its Izzy, Zoe or Penelope's (my chickens) consciousness seeping into my digestive tract?  Not likely.... I'm guessing.

I also ate part of a lox bagel for lunch, and must have eaten it too fast as I got a real "sinking" feeling.  Was it dumping?  Was it the bready-bagel?  I don't know, but I didn't even start feeling better until making a number-2 trip to the bathroom.  I guess it was a little better of a choice versus what Bernard was eating in front of me....a DOUBLE DOUBLE.  Funny though, I didn't really crave it.  I know, bizarre.

I know these are all just details (and yes, some are grody), but I think its helpful for me to write here so that I have the opportunity to learn from my mistakes.  Baby steps I say, baby steps!

Oh yeah.... I wanted to note something else bizarre that's happening.  My period has not made it's appearance this month (or I'm about a week and a half late...).  And no, I am not pregnant...cannot be.  I think that my body is going through a LOT.  I am usually "sally regular," so this is really odd for my body.  Poor little thing....  What must it be thinking?  Do you think that it wonders when I'm going to get off this rollercoaster and back to "normal"?  Hang on there love!!!

Luv, JJ

Humble pie is never very tasty.

Neither is the stuff I gagged up earlier today on my way back from work.  I ordered a chicken sandwich, and likely in my habitual "chow down" mode, ate it probably too quickly.  And, then it started.  The saliva flooding the mouth, the rock stuck feeling in my esophagus, and the bubbles coming making and plenty-o-burps!  When the upchuck finally came, it was a relief.  And, just like they say, it was more like baby spit-up than real vomit.  That was a plus.

Old habits are hard to break.  I'm going to have to figure out how to stop the eating on the run biz.   Work is crazy, but I need to make it a priority to take some time to eat, and eat only, not while doing anything else.

One thing positive I did today was clean out the mold from my Markham office fridge so I could store my protein drinks within easy access.  GO JEN!!

Yahoo,  We-hee, Uh-huh!

I can feel my energy coming back!  I spent most of the afternoon outside in our garden, pruning roses, ivy, trees, raking, wheeling that ole wheel-barrow around like nobody's business, and feeling really happy about it!  Anyone who knows me knows the GREAT pleasure I get from "rolling around in the dirt!"  Not really rolling, but certainly getting dirty in the compost!  I am really waiting until my body gets leaner so I can bend it over more easily while weeding, planting, or just admiring the worms bio-degrading.  

Well, I'm tired from all the fun.... so will check in later!

Luv, JJ

Today is the Friday before I'm planning on going back to work, and I'm thinking about what I need to take to work to "be prepared...."

I'm still really tired, but have been doing a little bit of excercise each day to increase my stamina.  Today I worked up to a whole 12 minutes on the stationary bike at the gym!  The bike I've been using is a comfortable version on the traditional crotch-violating kinds.... you just sit down on it, and the pedals are sort-of out in front of you.  ANyhoo, it's still a little difficult to pedal without my still-large thighs bumping/pushing up against my belly, and bingo....rubbing right against my "bullet hole."  It's still pretty tender, and would rather be left alone, thank you very much.  

Okay, what can I take to work for lunch?
String cheese, baby-bell "PacMan" cheese
Soup in Hand
Protein drink for the drive to work
I need more fiber (things are getting stopped-up lately)
tuna salad with crackers
cottage cheese with dollop of marmalade
hummus and cracker bread
water mixed with juice

I'm going to have to take it slow, and I'm worried about that.  I'm sure there's plenty of work waiting for me when I return, and I have to resist the draw to jump right back in, in the frenetic mode that seems to be the norm.  That's going to be a challenge for me....balancing work with sanity.  

I'm looking forward to the SALSA support group meeting tomorrow in Roseville.  I'm sooooooooooooo glad that it exists.

Hi again!
I just ate three pieces of sushi, and I wish I hadn't eaten so much!  
My brain is still facing a lot of learning I see.  I have heard the "eyes too big for my stomach" biz all my life, but never really understood until these past three weeks.  

On  Dr. Phil right now they're showing obese kids.  At the moment they're showing how much food this twelve-year-old boy puts away at any given meal.  Oh how I remember that.! I even sometimes find myself missing that amount of food.  I wonder how long it will take for me to look at a small ramekin of food and be satisfied.  

Food has been comfort for me.  I enjoy(ed) putting large amounts of food in my mouth.  I also enjoyed the length of time it took to think about, fix, and eat my food.  I was really worried a couple of weeks after surgery when Bernie and I went to a Bodega Bay restaurant to eat crab, and it took me a whole five minutes to eat my crab (leaving about 7/8 of the food still on the plate), and seeing him enjoy his huge bowl of Ciopino.  He was enjoying himself for longer dammit!  But then just this last weekend, my childhood friend Susie and one of Bernard's workmates, were here for dinner.   We made salmon, rice and greek salad.  I ate very slowly, enjoyed EVERY bite, and stopped when I was done.  I was so happy with what I ate, how it tasted, the texture, flavors and ambience (friends and hubby!).  I think it takes time to learn.....  and I'm sure that in time from now I'll continue to be surprised, and hopefully more adjusted.

Thanks for listening!  Luv, JJ

Hi again!
Okay, I cheated.  I weighed myself after two days, and voila,...I lost 3 more pounds!  As of this morning, I weigh 336, and that makes 28 pounds lost thus far!

I'm still home from work.  But, I am feeling stronger and getting a little more "pep" to my step each day.  I even got Bernie to inflate the tires on my bicycle yesterday and I took a tour around the block.  The poor little tires held out for that long, but probably not for much longer.  I'll try it again in maybe 25 more pounds.  Guess I'll have to go for a walk.  Why do I hate walking so much?  Or maybe I'll go to that gym that I've been paying for.... I think they have some pretty sturdy equipment.

GRAPHIC MATERIAL COMING UP...... READER DISCRESSION ADVISED.  NOT YET RATED ON THE GROSS-O-METER.
The surgery left me with five incision/poke wounds; one in my belly button (that is about 3/4 inch long), two small ones (about 1/2 inch long, each), one left of my belly button (about an inch long) and a "bullet hole" biggie to the right of my navel.  The inch-long one and bullet hole are taking their time healing.  BIzarre.  The bullet hole crusts over, gets wet or oozes once I lay on it (I know its still a lot of weight little guy....) and leaks on my undies, sheets, nightie, whatever touches it.  Then it bleeds all over everything.  BUT, despite its icky-ness, I have to say that I am awed and amazed by my body, by nature, by the healing process.  I have to say that I'm glad that I'll not be needing my pyjamas and nighties after some time..... some of those stains are hard to get out!

Okay, that's it for now.  Luv JJ!

Yippee!  
339 at this morning's weigh-in!
That makes 25 pounds lost thus far.  Great news.  And I like the way my pants are fitting, looser in the thighs and a bit flatter in the belly.  AMAZING.......