Apathy yet again

Jan 26, 2010

I've been feeling apathetic for the past couple of months.

It probably started right before I went to Southern California for my Moms open heart surgery.

Before I went I was doing pretty much everything on target. I was journaling my food, counting my calories religiously, choosing high protein and low carb and fat, hitting my fluid and protein goals and pretty much working out 3-4 days a week.

When I went to So Cal that kind of all fell to the way side. Counting calories was difficult when you were eating out every meal so I pretty much changed my goal to just hitting my protein goals which I was more or less able to do.

I was down there about a week longer than I had anticipated. The fear and insecurity of my Moms situation did more to hurt the situation than help it. The only thing that kept me from over eating was the size of my stomach. After three weeks sitting bedside and after Mom being tucked into rehab I came home.

I was home for a couple of days before I got sick with the head cold from Hell and was out of commission for yet another week. When I was sick it was all I could do to get my liquid and I totally missed my protein goals most of that week.

And to add insult to injury, my hair loss has started despite my valiant efforts to avoid it. So far I'm the only one who can really tell but I'm sure it will get worse before it gets better.

I'm totally off track. I'm up two pounds from last week, I haven't really journaled my food since before I went to So Cal and although I've been able to hit my protein goals this past week I have absolutely no idea how many calories I've consumed.

I'm sick of my counselor and want to end it with her and possibly end therapy for the time being. I'm sick of hearing her experience with weight loss surgery or her other clients experience with dating difficulty here in the North Bay area. I would rather her just let me talk about my experiences and my fears and concerns without her cutting me off.

I don't know what to do to get back on track.

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