Maura M.

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I'll celebrate 3 years in a few days.  This journey has been surreal.  In October, I took the most amazing trip - half way around the world to China, Tibet, Nepal and Thailand.  Hiked to an elevation of 18,200 and am blown away at being able to accomplish this feat.  It did not come without hard work, discipline and an amazing support network.  Am blessed.

Am happy to be maintaining.  Am blown away that I am actually making time to exercise to maintain.   I catch myself and need to keep my food in check.  I am on the scale daily.. just part of my accountability routine.  Am a size 4/6 from a 22/24, am 135 lbs down from 256, have a BMI of 21.8  from 41.3, have a body fat percentage of 21.3 (god knows I was 80% grease before), I have a new lease on life, am loving skiing, biking, hiking and taking classes at the gym. 

I allow myself some indulgences, but not in excess and have been able to keep myself in check.  Regain scares the crap out of me and I have seen so much of it.  I know I'm still a baby in this journey as I have the rest of my life ahead of me to continue to maintain, but I am determined to do so.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

loving this new life,

 

Maura

A letter to the weight I have lost

 

I am so glad to have lost you, all 122 of you.  I have to say that I think of each and every one of you in different ways. 

To numbers 1 – 50 – You left me and I couldn’t believe that it was real.  I figured that there couldn’t really be any others after you.  I don’t miss you.  I never want you back in my life.  I know that you have been in and out of my life for the past 20 years, but this is it.  You are gone forever, good riddance.

 

But then, numbers 51 through 100 left me.  The feeling of this loss was beyond anything that I can describe.  I was shocked.  Could it be true?  Did you really leave me?  I never thought you would – we were together for such a long time.   I thought that you were going to be with me forever.  But you left, much to my surprise.  I don’t mourn you.  You leaving me was the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I have grown more without you than I could have imagined.  Thank you for leaving me.  I’ve changed.  I didn’t realize how much you held me back until I started to live without you.   I will never take you back.  We aren’t compatible anymore.  Don’t contact me.

 

Next, numbers 101 through 115 left me.   You never bothered me as much as the rest.  You and I were together since high school.  Being with you was natural.  When you left me, I was scared.  Could I live without you?  Would you try to come back to me?  Could I be strong enough to resist you?   I know you will try – you taunt me, you constantly let me know that you are out there and desperately want to be a part of my life.  Will you ever stop stalking me?

 

Lastly, to numbers 116-through 122 - you are the ones that devastate me the most.   You continually leave me and come back - showing me how easy it is to take you back.  You tug at me constantly.  I wake up thinking about you.  I have a love hate relationship with you.  I truly do want the last few of you back, but the though of that is horrifying as allowing that shows that I can be weak.  If I take you back, I feel that I have lost and you have defeated me.

 

I want to stop thinking about all of you, but I can’t.  Thinking about you helps me avoid making the same mistakes.

Stronger without you,

Maura

Went to rehabilitation today to plan out my moms release (medicare runs out 4/27) - Mom is walking with a walker, but can't dress herself or get up steps we need to get a ramp in front of their house, alter the bath so because she can't lift her legs to get in to the shower/ tub, take her bed out and put it in my basement because to make room for a hospital bed - I wind up being the coordinator and the peacekeeper all the time - everyone is stressed my father is stressed because he can't handle my mom alone, my mother is stressed because she can't take care of herself, my brothers are stressed because they actually need to step up (well, that's not fair, I have one that always steps up, one that would if he lived in this state and has traveled in to help recently and one that just wants to write a check and make it all go away and tell everyone what they should do without actually taking action on his own).  I am stressed because I am trying to smooth over the hightened sensitivities - I am looking forward to May

am most worried about Mom getting home, not doing what she is supposed to and winding up in the same situation again

felt better just venting in writing

Starting weight 254  - according to my scale (Barix said I was 258 - I usually split the difference and say I started at 256. whats two lbs amongst friends?)
(lost 6 lbs before surgery)
Dec 15  - 248 - Surgery Weight
Jan 15 - 224 - 24 Lost - Total 30 - 1 Month
Feb 15 - 210 - 14 Lost  - Total 44 - 2 Months
Mar 15 - 199.5 - 10.5 Lost - Total 54.5 - 3 Months
April 15 - 191.5 - 8 Lost - Total 62.5 - 4 months
May 15 - 184 - 7.5 Lost - Total 70 - 5 months
June 15 - 175 - 9 Lost - Total 79 - 6 months
July 15 - 167 - 8 Lost - Total 87 - 7 months
August 15 - 156 - 11 Lost  - Total 98 - 8 months
September 15- 149.5 – 6.5 Lost – Total 104.5 – 9 mos
October 15 – 147 – 2.5 lbs Lost – Total 107 – 10 mos (Hit Goal in 10 Months!!)
November 15 – 140 – 7 lbs Lost – Total 114 – 11 mos
December 15 - 140 - maintained - 12 mos
January 15 - 138 - 2lbs lost 116 Total - 13 mos
Feb 15 - 136 - 2 lbs lost 118 total - 14 mos
March 15 - maintaining - 15 mos
April 6 - 133.5 - 2.5 lb lost 120.5 total
June 19 - had BMR done - 21.3% body fat!!  That's in the athletic range!!!
September 10 - 130!!!  124 lbs lost (or 126, or 128 depending on who's calcs you go by!!)
Nov 4 - Plastic Surgery - Entire midsection redone :) - in recovery while posting this update - 135 this morning..  still swollen
May 23 - 132 lbs - body is hanging between 131 and 134... 

So...  am happy - Scale moved this morning!  Nothing lost for 2 weeks, had actually gone up, but now am down 2 from 2 weeks ago.  Whew..  AND.... in .5 lbs, I will be half way there - Yeah. 

Had a colleague that I haven't seen in over a year not recognize me today - that was cool! 

My spare room has a queen size bed that is now full of clothes that are too big (yipee) - 3x, many 2 x, sizes 20 and 22 are too large now and I have at least 8 piles 2 feet deep each - it felt good to purge and to try on all some clothes that I had in the spare room closet and some of them fit (albeit - they are prettty old and some are dated, but oh well!! - bring on the out of date 18's)

Got dressed this morning, looked in the mirror and was very happy that I now officially have a shape (other than pear) - I have a waist :)  AND, the best part is that I officially weigh less than my husband - Why didn't I make these items goals - Is it a cheat to add them now and then mark them as achieved? Just putting it in writing is enough for me.  Am happy

Yes, I felt ridiculous adding to my tracker that I am 220.5 - but hey - I can't say 220 (YET) - weight loss seems to have pumped up a bit - yeah - Now I know whey everyone says not to weigh yourself every day, but how can you help it?  It is so exciting to see a lower number each day - am taking my first trip since surgery at the end of the month - New Orleans - No hurricanes for me!!

Weight loss is slower than I thought, but 10x what I was doing on my own, so I can't complain, right?  Just folded up and took a 3 foot tall stack of clothes out of my closet as they are now too big, so I'm focusing on that.  I know, Everyone is different, but can't help getting ticked about the people that have lost 40 lbs in 4 weeks.