Been a while...

May 15, 2009

Just checking in since I haven't posted in a while.  Things are going well I guess.  Weight loss seems to have slowed down (which has me MANIC), but at the end of week 11 post-op, I've lost 52 lbs.  I might be eating a little more than I should, but not too bad and I KNOW I'm being more active.  Started water aerobics a few times a week after work (only once this week so far due to darn rain).  I had been averaging 6 lbs a week, but now it's under 5.  Maybe mayyybe I'm losing inches instead though (not sure of the science behind that), because I got on a pair of jeans today which I couldn't get on a month and 1/2 ago.  A few acquaintances said they can tell, that my face is getting thinner, but I suppose it's just a mental thing I have to get over.  I mean, I've lost 152 since I started dieting on my own last May 22nd (100 lbs pre-op), but that's only about halfway for me.  Unless you've been up where I was, that's hard to fathom for some people.  I just feel immense pressure to lose more and faster, not from anyone else but from myself.  I feel like I'm against the clock, like if I don't lose as much as I can in the first 6 months, then that will be it.  I have no problems with anything really, except bread (when I even try it) and jello sugar free pudding (of all things!).  If it wasn't for those things, I'd swear I didn't even have the surgery.  I can eat way more than a cup if I don't stop myself.  Maybe my sensation of feeling full is a lot subtler than most.  Not a good thing.  Still, all that being said, I am optimistic.  I know I'm doing good things.  Perhaps though, I am not doing enough.  I think once I lose a bit more, maybe July/August, I'm going to hook up with a personal trainer at the Y.  On my own, I don't think I'm going to push myself exercise-wise enough.  I hate to sweat and hate to be uncomfortable and that's what hard work brings.  Hard work is what I need to be doing.  For the positive things.... LOL I find myself looking in the mirror and admiring that I can now see a jawline.. that, omg, I might have cheekbones... and although still waaay fat, I don't recoil in horror to see myself in my bathing suit top (bottom still a problem lol).  Of course, it's true what they say, we lose like Oompa-loompas, top first.  Also, not as many stares or glances or chuckles that we all know the fat girls get and DO notice.  I don't need to Barbie, I will NEVER be Barbie.  I just want to feel normal, and I think I can maybe see it in the distance down the line now.  Still, many miles to go.  I wish everyone well :o)

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