Wanting Plastic Surgery!!

Oct 12, 2011

 I don't think I will ever lose that gross flab of skin on my belly.  I can fold it up or down... I can even roll it but I can't seem to get rid of it. I want plastic surgery so badly! As with anything, it costs money... time I have, money I do not.  I am struggling with the fact that I feel good about the weight I've lost but I feel worse in a swimsuit because of the flaps of skin on my inner thighs, under my arms and my belly.  In fact, my children will 'play' with the loose skin under my arms and watch in swing back and forth.  I try to laugh it off but it hurts and I feel just as horrid as I did when I was heavy.  When I go swimming, people stare at my thighs because they jiggle so much.  I've had 'work out experts' tell me that I just need to work out more or drink more water or use special creams and oils etc. but in the end I don't believe that stretched out skin will ever be going back any more than it has gone.

I am currently inquiring about Dr. Saucada's Medical Tourism plastic surgery in Monterry, Mexico.  Not sure how I can even afford to think about it but this much I do know.  I suffer from severe bi-polar disorder.  When I am depressed I go deep into that pit of despair and feel absolutely worthless.  Having all this excess skin does not help me feel good about myself at all.  When I go into a hypo-manic or psychotic episode or self mutilation crisis I want to take a sharp knife and cut away the skin myself.  Death doesn't concern me at that point.  I just want to have an acceptable body to ME! I am not happy with mine the way it is now... it is discouraging, depressing and disgusting to me.

Perhaps, I should write more next time when I am in a better frame of mind... ~sigh~ 

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