pokyokie
Hello My name is Ray but I've been called Big-n and haystack and many many more that I wont publish.I am right now 23 days out of surgery and I have lost about 90 pounds and I feel so great.
I have always been heavy and I think as a kid I added the wieght as a defence when something happened I would eat and something was always happening at our home and if it was not happening we were waiting for it to happen. most of the time our home was a powder keg and the fuse was always lit. My step father was an alcaholic and every morning he would wake up drink 2 cups of coffee and then start in on the beer, those were the days when we were most able to have a better day but as soon as the Jack or Crown came out we were all trying to find a lace to hide and sit out the storm. mymain problem was that i was usually the center of the storm. and that storm has thrown me down a flight of stairs for not running his bath water hot enough or kicking me in the face as I slept on the floor in front of the tv at the age of 11 and at the age of five he sat on my chest with his knees on my shoulders and beat me in the face for trying to protect my Mother cuz he had her by the hair of her head her feet off the ground punching her like a punching bag. it was always safer to sit in my room and eat food made me feel good when nothing else would. so my realationship with food has been a life long thing.
I know realize just how bad that realationship was, and i now can handle my food instead of my food controling me I now eat less in a whole day then what I would eat at one setting. this ended about 4 months before surgery. well more later.
