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* My weight has crossed under 200! Yay!
* The size 20 pants I was so excited to buy? And could only put on with the help of lipo-in-a-box? Are now too big, almost unwearable.
* When I'm in bed or lounging on the couch, suddenly I'm noticing my knees knocking together and being hurty. Huh, how about that?!? I have newly emerging knees!
* When I used to put my hand "on my hip", what I really did was to slip my hand in-between my two fat rolls (on the side), and the rolls would hold my hand in place, so I'd relax my arm. Nowadays, though, I go to put my hand on my hip like I always used to, and am surprised to find my hand sliding right down my side. When I'm standing, the side rolls are completely gone now. Instead I have this gentle curve out from my waist to my hip. I'm getting a little addicted to feeling myself up right there -- it's such an alien and delicious feeling. It makes me feel so hourglass and beautiful!
* Went to a baseball game yesterday and it felt different than last time I went. Finally realized that last time I went (last year), I was stuffed into the seat, the arms were digging into my hips, and I could hardly breathe from trying minimize my spillover into my neighboring seats. This time the seat had room to spare on both sides and I could cross my legs and twirl around in the seat. I even spent half an hour turned around completely backwards talking to somebody (without hurting myself!).
* When I go to rest my arms in my lap, or to loosely hug myself, I find myself with unexpected blank air between my arms and my body. I'm putting my arms in the same spot I always have, but it used to be that spot = pressing against my body, while now there's all this space!
* I happened to raise my arms while I was naked in front of the mirror and saw that raising my arms was all I had to do to make my upper stomach disappear. I was transfixed -- I've never ever seen myself without that upper stomach sticking out. To me, that was an amazing sight (even if I had to raise my arms to get it!).
* I've moved the seat up in my car 3 times.
* At the doctor's office, he used the regular-size blood pressure cuff. (!) And it didn't hurt (!!)
* I'm starting to notice my skin caving in and taking on those sharpei wrinkles on my thighs and on my butt. I don't care. Excess skin doesn't kill -- that same skin filled up with fat does. Right now those wrinkles on my butt are a badge of honor showing me how far I've come and how much I have to be proud of and grateful for.

Oh yes, baby! I have reached onderland! (Onderland is that magical place where your weight begins with a "1"). WOOOOT!!!!


(Discovering that I've entered onderland was my consolation prize for visiting the doctor for a urinary tract infection, lol)

Tomorrow is my 4-month surgerversary.

Today I wore a dress to Dooce for the very first time. I've worked there for 3 years.
The way I wore it at work:


Now minus the shrug:


My boobs are looking a little sad because I'm already shrinking out of my new bras, so they're not supporting well. Time to hike up the straps on those babies again, clearly.
The fact that I wore a dress today for the first time in 3 years is definitely related to being 80 pounds lighter. (But it also helps that I found this for making the legs look less winter-horrific...)

Other random 4-month thoughts....

• I got my hunger back after about a month. This is unusual -- it doesn't happen that fast for most RNY'ers. At first I felt it was a curse -- I didn't want my hunger to come back that fast, and I didn't understand how to work with it correctly. I made a lot of mistakes and felt like crap a lot. But now I feel like the hunger is a blessing. Why? Because I don't have to eat by the clock. I don't have to eat because it's "time" -- I can just eat whenever I get hungry, which is much more natural for me. In addition, I don't have to measure everything, because I have a "full signal" -- if I burp while I'm eating, then that means I can swallow the bite that's already in my mouth, but no more. I notice that I have some days where I can eat kind of a lot, and other days where I'm done after 2 bites. I had "hungry days" and "no-hunger days" pre-op, too, and I find it comforting to see that my hunger cycles are still the same as they were. (It's just that now a "hungry day meal" equals an egg plus a cheese stick, whereas a "no-food day meal" equals half of one egg...)
• I was worried pre-op that WLS would totally take over my life. Every time I'd ever dieted before, I'd gotten that horrible "diet brain" where all I could think about was what I ate earlier and what I would eat next and whether I was on-plan, blah blah blah. I resented the hell out of that. I couldn't stand the fact that attempting to lose weight meant also losing my personality and my brain. I hated that I would go from thinking about work and friends and politics and issues to thinking about weight and food, the end. Thankfully, that has not turned out to be true with this adventure. I'm only 4 months out, and I'm continuing to lose, but I hardly ever even blog about WLS anymore. I think that's great. I'm losing weight, but I get to keep my personality and my brain while I'm doing it. What a blessing and what a relief!! Caveat: WLS did pretty much take over my brain at the beginning when I was first researching and deciding, and then again surrounding the actual surgery and adjustment phase. I think that's pretty normal. I'm just relieved that the brain/personality takeover does not, in fact, last through the entire weight-loss effort. I didn't know what to expect as far as that goes, and I am grateful that I'm already back to *me*
• The RNY way of eating has fit into my life quite beautifully. I've never been much of a cook, and I don't have to be nowadays either. Whereas before I would resort to fast food or frozen pizza, nowadays I just make sure my home, office, and bag are always seeded with hard-boiled eggs, 1-oz light cheddar cheese sticks, baked tofu, protein bars, and protein bullets. And I've got Crystal Light tubes stashed in every nook and cranny. It's wonderful to be able to eat no-thought and on-the-run when I need to and still be able to eat clean.
• I hear about people being 4 months out and still needing to sip, sip, sip, sip. That's not true for me at this point. Nowadays I can drink a bottle of Crystal Light just as fast as I did before. I don't know if that's weird or unusual, but I'm grateful for it. When you get overheated, there's nothing more frustrating than having to sip, sip, sip, slowly.
• Still water intolerant. However, it is getting a little better. I am now able to drink enough plain water to swallow pills -- a month ago even that much plain water would twist my stomach. So maybe as I keep exposing my stomach to plain water it will slowly get used to it? I have hope for that. I miss plain water (I don't miss it more than I love the great things my RNY has done for me, though!)
• For a while I thought all my teeth were going to fall out of my head any second. They got very traumatized by the constant acid wash from my beverages (intolerant to plain water, remember!), plus the fact that we don't drink for 30 minutes after we eat, which meant those food particles sat around on my teeth longer than they otherwise would. But I put a bottle of restoring mouthwash in the bathroom at work, and another at home, and made a rule that every time I entered the bathroom, I had to swish with it. Since I've started doing that, my teeth have gotten a LOT better. I can chew without wincing now. Grateful that my idea worked!
• I had a mini-dump a while back on oatmeal. That was quite unexpected since it was the kind you make in a pot and it had absolutely zero sugar in it. But while that was not a fun experience, I am so grateful to find out that I do, indeed, dump! It's so much easier to toe the line when you've got that healthy fear. That said, though...
• I've found it easier than I expected to stay away from sugar/carbs. At this point, I simply think of bread, pasta, potatoes, corn, rice, and anything with more than 3 grams of sugar per serving as things that I simply don't eat. I don't even consider those foods, and I'm fine with that. <-- That is the amazing thing! I don't know WHY I'm not being constantly tortured by the CarbMonster but I am so grateful for it! (Maybe it's just the fact that I went to all this trouble to get my insides rearranged, so I'll be damned if I'm going to turn around and fuck that up? The fact that surgery is like a last-ditch, cannot-fail effort?) Strength regarding my diet materialized out of thin air, when it never used to exist before. I know it probably won't stay forever, but I'm hoping that by the time the CarbMonster reappears that I'll be so used to eating protein-forward, supplemented with veggies, that eating any other way will feel gross.
• I can now climb the stairs to my apartment without being winded when I get to the top. Woot!
• This week I've been waking up at 4:00 am for no reason. My sister thinks that maybe at my lower weight, I simply require less sleep now. I'm not convinced that's the reason, but I'm not convinced that it isn't. My life has been so full of fatigue and lack of energy and sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. How awesome would that be if my WLS gave me the gift of TIME?!? Time not sleeping and not fatigued is time freed for living! If it does indeed turn out true that I need less sleep and less rest as I lose weight, that would make the surgery worthwhile all by itself.

Before pics:

Today I went to the bathroom at work and I saw myself in the mirror. I was half a mess.

• Ponytail half falling out
• Lipstick gone
• Eye makeup faded
• Too-big shirt hanging loosely around my shoulders

And what I thought was, "Wow. Thinner Me at half a mess is still prettier than Fatter Me was when perfectly together."

I always told myself that I looked good when I was totally done and together. But no makeup or clothing can make up for 100+ extra pounds.

And I'm not even to goal yet! I can't wait to see what I look like when I'm not overweight any longer!

Yesterday I talked to Deena at the doctor's office and she confirmed that my bloodwork all looked normal. She suggested that maybe my fatigue and dizziness (sometimes verging on passing out!!) might be remedied with some electrolytes? So yesterday and today I've been making an effort to focus on the only beverage I have that's electrolyte-enhanced: Crystal Light "Hydration". I think Deena might have been right on the money, because late this morning I felt like I suddenly snapped-to, after an extended brain vacation. Suddenly I felt clearer and more together than I have in weeks.

The weather here is so absolutely gorgeous. Got to sleep with the windows open last night. This morning I had a hard time getting out of bed because I wanted to lay around and luxuriate in the fresh air.

Google says it's 59 degrees F right now. And sunny!!! Yum.

Also (with the help of my lipo-in-a-box), I appear to be rocking a perfect hourglass figure today. I am gorgeous like the weather!

This bodes well for a good day today.

I'm starting to feel really sick to my stomach. Really really sick to my stomach. I didn't eat anything weird, I just had a protein bar which I've had a dozen times before.

I wasn't actually hungry, but the thing is that I wasn't hungry all day yesterday, either, so I ended up doing just liquid protein all day yesterday. I figured that wouldn't be healthy a second day in a row and that I should eat some solid food.

That'll teach me not to listen to my body. "Shoulds" be damned, if pouch isn't hungry, it isn't hungry!

blergh.

Cons:
* Think my potassium is low because of cramping hands and feet, and dizziness every time I stand up. Loathe to eat bananas because they're a very high-sugar fruit, plus bananas just don't appeal to me. Will ask doc to run labs and Rx potassium if necessary.
* Also think I'm anemic. I'm inexplicably tired and have a history of anemia. If labs show me as anemic, think I'll just skip right past supplements and ask for Repliva, do not pass go.
* Sharpei skin is beginning to form on my arms, thighs, and butt. Whatever, I don't care that much.
* New clothes cost money. (But feeling like a superfox is priceless, so...)

Pros:
* The owner of the UPS Store where I keep my mailbox saw me this week and said, "Hello Puppie! You're looking svelte!"
* I had my pick of vast quantities of clearance clothes at Lane Bryant, since I am now their smallest (and least popular) size. I got to shop the *BIG* clearance wall!
* I shopped for clothes in the REGULAR section at Target!
* I also shopped for clothes at the Gap!!
* Almost to One-Derland.
* While curled up on the couch, I discovered that I can now touch my knee to my chin! SWEET! I've always been jealous of girls who can do that!
* Noticed I can now bound up my stairs without getting winded. Going up those stairs once required a long breather afterwards.
* Where did all that extra space between me and my steering wheel come from?!? Had to move the seat up. Again.
* Food/Fluid/Vitamins all going well.
* By the time you read this on Friday, I'll be visiting with a very cool guy from Texas who I have very much been looking forward to seeing in person! (Thanks, Private Entry function, for letting me write my P&C's as a draft ahead of time!)

I arrived too early at the doctor 4 my B-12 shot. They are still locked. Waiting on bench in hallway. Realizing my butt is way bonier than it used to be!

That I took and sent to Mason this morning.