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 I have just celebrated my 2 year bandiversary. Wow, reading back so much has happened. I am now down 100 pounds and although I have been at a plateau lasting over 4 months, I am still highly motivated. So much has changed in my life since 100 pounds. The normal stuff, I can now buckle the seat belt in both cars and on the airplane. I have tons of energy. I walk and stand more than ever. I have started my graduate degree and am looking forward to opening a private practice. My confidence level has taken a huge leap, I now speak up a lot more in my job and at home and I feel very good about myself.
I have had a rough last 4 months, sinus issues caused me to have to go in for 2 unfills. I was worried the band had slipped and I was not able to eat much. After the unfill then of course I gained 8 pounds and had another fill that ended up being too tight so had to have another unfill. Craziness!! All the while I was worried that I had met the end of my journey and that this was all I was going to lose. Thanks to my doctor and his staff, they continued to encourage me and remind me that my band does all the work, I just have to get it to the right place, and let it do its job. 
After a fill yesterday, I once again feel restriction, and see how the band can do its job. I love my band. I love my new life. At my age, I feel like I have a completely new life ahead of me. 

 Here I am at 300....cannot for the life of me get to 299. What is it about that one last pound that will put you under the major milestone? I hit the 50 mark with no problem but this one seems to be there and so close yet just can't get there. My goal this week is to concentrate on really eating nothing that would stop it from happening. I want to be down 100 pounds by Christmas and getting under 300 will really be a big break through for me I believe. I love my band, I love the attention and support I am getting. Its funny, I go to headquarters maybe 3 times a month and each time I see different people. Its a huge ego trip because people are noticing and telling me what a great job I am doing. I wish I could take all the credit. Losing is the easiest thing with this band. I am so grateful and so looking forward to hitting each goal. Eating sometimes is a hassle I will admit. And sometimes I don't do such a great job on my choices. But I am learning. I find that I have cravings like never before. I am not sure if I had them and always just indulged them or if I never let myself get hungry enough to have them. I am going through what I call my "casserole phase". For some reason I cannot get enuf of shepherds pie, and tuna noodle casserole. But I also feel a soup phase coming on with the onset of fall. I look forward to having some rich homemade chicken soup and good old fashioned chili. I can't eat a lot, but I am totally satisfied with what I eat. I do get upset when I order something at a restaurant and I pay for it and then cannot eat it because it is either too dry or just not appetizing. Two weeks ago I went to Dave and Busters with the work crowd. Lots of great company and I thought a chicken breast with a little salad would be good. NOT! I ended up sliming and eventualy just had to go up end it all in the bathroom. I hate that. But learning is what this is all about. I know never to do that again. New restaurants are difficult because you don't know what will work and what won't. A chicken breast at a different restaurant, and maybe even on a different day could have produced completely different results. Either way... I am changing on the inside and out!!! WOO HOO!!!

 OK, I am now at 310, only 11 more pounds and I will be under the dreaded 300. \o/ Yippeee!!! Can't beleive it but I am finally starting to see some definite health improvements. I can finally do my grocery shopping. I still dread it like I can't do it...but its funny, once I get in there and start walking around, I am good for about an hour of shopping. I am thrilled with this as I am no longer dependent on husband to buy what is right for me. I can see for myself...and OMG what a variety of things at the store... had either forgotten or Super Target has come a long way since I was there last. I enjoy the Whole Foods run even more because of all the organic healthy selections. Even though I find myself eating fast food once in a while. I find that I really crave good protein sources and every time I have to put that fast food on my food journal and look at the calories and amount of fat it is, I cringe. Only makes me think twice when I go to eat it and I try very hard to get something else. I am in Tucson on business this week...that means lots of late night dinners with colleagues and seminar snacks at breaks (ugh). I am taking some healthy alternatives, string cheese, almonds etc. just to give me a choice in case there is nothing that I can choose that is good for me. I am a little worried about the trek through the airport, but I think this time I am good to go. Last trip was before WLS and it was Chicago O'hare. OMG! I thought I would die before we ever got out of there. Hiking with a 6 pound laptop and purse. I wanted to fling both and my knees on to the tarmac and have them run over by the plane. By the time we got to the hotel my feet were so swollen and my back hurt so bad, all I did was eat muscle relaxors and advil! This trip, I believe will be different. I may have to do the Advil thing, but I have plenty of nexium and since I am trying to cut my dependence on it I am trying to use it only when I just cannot walk. I will post about how the trip and airport were when I get to hotel tonite.  I am counting on a NSV or two! Ciao peeps!

I love my band.....I really really really love my band. Another 2 pounds this week and I feel completely satisfied and thankful that this is exactly what I wanted. BuT....you know there always has to be a but! But, I really don't enjoy eating anymore. I used to look so forward to what I was going to eat. I would get excited about eating at a certain place or a certain food. But now, its almost a chore. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am still trying to take too big of bites and eat too fast. And the fact that I really have to concentrate..on small bites, on chewing, on OMG am I stuck?  The days of mindless eating, of shoving food in my mouth, of not realizing I had eaten the entire plate before I actually knew it....those are over. I might even miss them a bit. I used to eat at my desk at work while answering emails or searching the internet or reading something. And now, if I do that, for sure, I will lose track, take a big bite and the next thing you know I am like, Oh CRAP!!! But even with all that. I am learning. I am getting better and better at this eating thing. I am learning that food is an activity that does not need to dominate my entire life...but that for a season, I NEED TO PAY ATTENTION. Because NOT paying attention, is what got me to 365. 

Next weekend, since I met my 50 pound goal, is the reward. My first tatoo. Me and 4 other women are heading to the tatoo parlor to get our first tatoos!!! I am soooo excited...I am learning to do the things for me that really matter. Not that a tatoo really matters....but to me, it is a milestone, and a doorway, to a completely different me. ONe that I have hidden for such a long time because I did not want anyone to look at me, or notice me, or call attention to myself. So....hey world!!! I AM GETTING A TATOO!!! Will post pics of it when I finish. 

 I had surgery back in January.....it has been some of the most frustrating 3 months in weight loss for me. I ask for a fill they give me a little one. I ask for a bigger one, they say no...is important to go slow. Well how frickin slow do ya want me to go? For the past 4 months I have gained and lost the same 5 pounds. NO JOKE! Lose five the week of the fill......put em back on the week after.....so I run out of free fills. I used up 6 fills with no restriction. I know I should not be complaining about the money....but when I asked for them to be aggressive in fills they would not. It has taken me 7 fills and 7cc to get to my sweet spot but I am finally there. I feel full, eat about a half cup to a cup of food.....protein first ....etc. etc. I am so thankful for the bandster support group on Yahoo....every time I told them what was going on.....and asked do I need a fill.....they never hemmed and hawed....are you eatng your protein...are you drinking your water....the answer always was....go get a fill. Thank you!!! If I could eat right I would not have had the surgery. If I could control my portions I wouldn't be on this board. I have come to the assumption now that I have good restriction....that if you have to ask that question.....do I need a fill....then most likely....you need a fill. The rules are great and they are there to help us keep on track. But it is the band that makes the rules work, not the rules that make the band work. If we were able to follow the rules....we would not need the band.  I know that every person going through bandster hell wonders that....or at least I did. So....if you are wondering.... do I need a fill....the answer: GO GET A FILL!!!  
 

It has been quite a while since I posted because I just had nothing to post. I have lost the same 5 pounds about 4 times in the last two months and it has really depressed me. I feel like a failure, and after 6 months of this I am feeling like 37 pounds is just not enuf. I know, I know, its great progress and blah blah blah....but I guess I wanted it to be easier than this. I have finally started drinking a protien shake in the morning. I cannot tell you, how much I hate that shake. But...it seems that when I do that plus log the food on The Daily Plate forum that I am able to keep things in perspective. Since Monday I have lost another 5 pounds. Now that is incredible. My hope is that it will continue to come off and I will not see the scales rise again. I am sick of this yo yo both on the scales and in my head. And I am not an obsessive scale person. I weight about 1 time per week. Sometimes more sometimes less. But I got to where I was not even doing that because of the dissapointment. So today...when I weighed I was pleasantly surprised. Who knew it would be as easy as that. I have struggled for 8 weeks, going for fills and crying when the scale went up. I know this is bandster hell till you get restricted...but damn.....someone needs to rename it as bandster torture.  My hope is that I can start moving down the scale and regain the momentum and enthusiasm I had at the beginning. That was my worst fear. That I would give up on this, with minimal results before it would make a difference. I am so easily discouraged when it comes to weight loss. I throw my hands in the air and give up quickly. I guess that comes from so many failures in the past. So I am finally down 41 pounds...and this weekend...out comes the measuring tape. jan

Never thought I would be that encouraged over a one pound loss in my life! But today...it seems like a major milestone. I have been struggling with the same 5 pounds off and on. My last fill I had lost 4 pounds but it was the four pounds I had gained from the two weeks before the last fill...so somehow that doesn't seem to count in my brain. Like its old pounds, only new weight loss counts! I know, stupid. But today, finally a pound of new weight! I have been so frustrated...not giving up frustrated, but frustrated with me, myself and I. It doesn't matter what I tell myself in the morning....by the end of the day I have eaten something that wasn't really on the list etc. etc. I have finally got it through my head I think, that I can no longer eat breads or tortillas. This is a major milestone. I started out not eating them, and then found out that I could, big mistake. But now...I really can't. After the last fill, it takes such a long time for them to go down, pass through and chew them up to a paste like substance that it really kind of ruins the meal for me. I almost get stuck....sometimes slime...so forget it. No bread or tortilla is worth it! Once I made that decision, the pound flew off. How funny. Sometimes I swear this weight loss is psychological, like the fat really is in your thoughts and once you hit that AHA moment, then the fat is gone! So before I run to the doc for another fill, I am going to do my breadless, tortillaless eating and see if the weight continues to come off at a reasonable pace. If so, I will stick with this level of fill. If not, I will call and schedule. I am just thrilled to be on the losing side again. That up and down crap has got to go! Hope you all are having a great day and happy weekend to everyone! 

After 2 weeks of struggling with the last fill, not feeling a thing, and trying to be good about my eating...I was able to lose 4 pounds according to the docs scales. So I asked for another fill. This time it went very well, and 4 days out I am feeling some definite restriction. I do not believe it is where it is supposed to be but I can only eat about half of what I used to eat. And I stay full for a long time. That's a good thing! I have been so busy at work and so stressed out that I really have not had a chance to pay attention to much. On my scale it says I gained two pounds. So I must have gained more than that if the doc's showed that I lost 4. Who knows. This up and down is driving me crazy, but I fully expect to be going down from now on. Interesting thing, and I have never read this on the board before, I am sure I have just missed it or something. But I was at my swim aerobics class yesterday and was talking with a man that had had the bypass surgery. We were discussing the changes in our bodies. I was telling him how bad my back hurt and that I was going to the chiropractor and doing the swimming for the stretching as well as the aerobic part. He said no one told him this until after the fact, but around the first 50 or so pounds that you lose, especially if you have a big stomach, that you will experience pain in your hips or back. The reason being that the weight shifts and your center of gravity changes. Therefore your body of course structurally changes to meet the new demands. He also encouraged me by saying that the more weight you lose will eventually allow that initial pain to go away and you will feel better dissolving the pain. I was so relieved because I actually had begun to think that oh no, I have waited way too long to get surgery and have finally damaged my back too much for recovery. NOT SO! So good news all around! Happy Easter Everyone! jh

This morning I had my second fill. 1cc. YAY! I let her fill what she wanted. I know that I am just crazy and that it is an anxiety response but for a millisecond, I feel like I can't breath. I can. I do. But my brain says OH NO!!! My first fill I actually had a muscle spasm in my back while she was sticking the needle in. Scared the poor doc! She pulled that needle out so fast. But today, I was ready. I was not going to flinch for anything. I have gained 4 pounds tho. I was dissapointed although they said that was normal since I really did not have any restriction. I hope that I have some restriction this time. I am ready to stop fighting with the scale. I am not obsessed about it. But I could tell I was going up and down. And not just down. I will take some more pics this weekend. I can notice a difference in my face...and others can. But...the rest of me is still big! I am ready to start doing some exercising. I am looking forward to water aerobics. I love the pool and love to work out in the pool. I am also looking for a good yoga tape. My back is really hurting...I would think with 40 pounds gone I would feel better. I am going to go to the physical therapist and see if they cannot help me with some things. OK, this is the goal. I am going to set a reward for each 50 pounds that I lose. In just 10 more pounds...I get to get a tatoo. I know, I know, what on earth would a 52 year old woman want with a tatoo. I have always been so fascinated by them. And I have been such a good girl all my life. Now, I want to be bad! And of course losing weight has made me want to be even badder! LOL is that a word. So, the first 50 will be the long loved tatoo. I will post a pic when I reach that goal and of the tatoo. Like everyone really wants to see it. I think for me, putting tangible rewards for goals met is important. Those little things that happen every day like seat belts feeling loose or seeing your feet for the first time in a long time are wonderful suprise rewards. But for me, I keep that tatoo in my mind every time I see a snickers bar...or a dorito chip. And I ask myself...is that worth it...sometimes...it is. Sometimes I could care less. But I am finding that a lot of the time it works. And having it work more times than not.....is a vast improvement over when I didn't even think about it and ate it before I even knew I had eaten it! Hope everyone is having a great week. Mine is good...so far!

I keep losing the same five pounds over and over. I have been better about my eating but what is weird is that all of a sudden my band feels as if it is tightening up. I cannot eat in the morning. But then I was never that interested in breakfast anyway. I can drink my vitamins and a cup of coffee. But that is about it. If I try to eat anything, it almost gets stuck. I am having a hard time remembering to chew....I have to really concentrate on eating for me to do so. And that is hard. I have been not drinking during meals which is an improvement. So I have made some changes but not enough yet to make a difference. I am deathly afraid of stretching out my pouch and am afraid I have done so already simply because I can eat what I want and how much I want. But I think somewhere in the back of my mind that that is mainly because I have no restriction. I am looking forward to next week so that I can actually get a fill and some restriction. But I am a little scared as well. I want to be able to at least drink water, And of course, I don't want to throw up or get stuck. I do feel my body changing and people are starting to notice. Especailly in my face. Its like I am melting from the head down. Oh and my hands and feet are getting thinner. Oh yeah, thats where I need to lose weight...my hands and feet. Thanks a lot!