Second Fill

Mar 24, 2009

This morning I had my second fill. 1cc. YAY! I let her fill what she wanted. I know that I am just crazy and that it is an anxiety response but for a millisecond, I feel like I can't breath. I can. I do. But my brain says OH NO!!! My first fill I actually had a muscle spasm in my back while she was sticking the needle in. Scared the poor doc! She pulled that needle out so fast. But today, I was ready. I was not going to flinch for anything. I have gained 4 pounds tho. I was dissapointed although they said that was normal since I really did not have any restriction. I hope that I have some restriction this time. I am ready to stop fighting with the scale. I am not obsessed about it. But I could tell I was going up and down. And not just down. I will take some more pics this weekend. I can notice a difference in my face...and others can. But...the rest of me is still big! I am ready to start doing some exercising. I am looking forward to water aerobics. I love the pool and love to work out in the pool. I am also looking for a good yoga tape. My back is really hurting...I would think with 40 pounds gone I would feel better. I am going to go to the physical therapist and see if they cannot help me with some things. OK, this is the goal. I am going to set a reward for each 50 pounds that I lose. In just 10 more pounds...I get to get a tatoo. I know, I know, what on earth would a 52 year old woman want with a tatoo. I have always been so fascinated by them. And I have been such a good girl all my life. Now, I want to be bad! And of course losing weight has made me want to be even badder! LOL is that a word. So, the first 50 will be the long loved tatoo. I will post a pic when I reach that goal and of the tatoo. Like everyone really wants to see it. I think for me, putting tangible rewards for goals met is important. Those little things that happen every day like seat belts feeling loose or seeing your feet for the first time in a long time are wonderful suprise rewards. But for me, I keep that tatoo in my mind every time I see a snickers bar...or a dorito chip. And I ask myself...is that worth it...sometimes...it is. Sometimes I could care less. But I am finding that a lot of the time it works. And having it work more times than not.....is a vast improvement over when I didn't even think about it and ate it before I even knew I had eaten it! Hope everyone is having a great week. Mine is good...so far!

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