first post

Jun 14, 2009

I'm static, no, not estatic, just static. I don't move, I try to keep everything still.I don't want to move forward, I don't want to move backwards, I'm afraid to look left or right. I'm terrified to rock the boat. I just want to stay, stay still and hope it will all be over soon. That the wild water will just pass, that I'll get out of here without getting wet, without having to take a risk, without having to do anything.

It's not working, not even a little bit. I'm so afraid of change but I think the pain of this is getting to big, sometimes I want to tip my boat and just swim away. This hasn't brought me anywhere so far, I need to change, take the risk.

If only I knew what I am afraid of.

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