RitaEarly

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                Well it has been a year, I am adjusting to my new way of life well. I continue to work out with weights 4 to 5 times weekly, and cardio as well 20 minutes daily. My weight is for the most part stable running between 125 and 130lbs. I still have problems with nausea but have never thrown up. I find myself trying to slip into some old habits, which scares me abit.....using food as a comfort tool mostly. I cant eat sweets but I found a granola bar with dried cranberries that tempts my sweet tooth. It is 140 cal and 6 gram sugar, 6 grams protein. But I find myself eating them 2 to 3 times a day, even when not hungry. That and I have been sampling some forbidden foods, french fries (just a few), chips, i even attempted a thin slice of cake (that was a mistake).  I know it does not sound like a big deal but I fear I am on the bad track straight to obesity again. I would rather have my mouth sewn shut than be fat again!!! I know many of you understand why I am so afraid ...it is that feeling of not being able to control your need for certain foods, like a drug addict except with food....except you can stay away from drugs when you quit , but you still gotta eat......! I dont know....I am probably blowning it out of porportion. But right now that is how I am feeling.....I am so grateful I was able to get this surgery, that I had a wonderful doctor , and I have relatively few negitive side effects. I have much to celebrate, i love my new body!!!,  I love wearing pretty clothes and even having my picture taken, I love feeling strong, being able to move with out an enormous effort, I feel healthy and no longer fear I am at risk for a heart attack or stroke. I always am mindful that surgery is a tool and I must still remain determined to win the fight against obesity, sometimes I just wish it wasn't so hard.

Hi ,
    It is me 10 months post surgery. I reached my goal and I am very pleased. I am still having a body image problem. I waver between 125 to 130 NEVER above 130lbs. I workout alot but I still look at my pictures and see fat, I look in the mirror and think "I can get thinner, see the flab around the middle you have to work harder!!!!" I eat and think ....darn I' m stretching my stomach, if you keep this up your going to gain weight. I get angry inside when peolpe walk up to me and say Wow you look great how did you do it......I am not a good liar so I say "I had bariatric surgery" the whole attitude changes like I cheated them some how. 
I struggle with my image I work out so hard every day that I walk out of the gym trembling with fatigue. I love the way my body has changed but I wonder if I will ever feel "good enough" to stop beating myself up. I think the negitive self image contributed to my unhealthy life in a major way. I felt I was ugly and fat so what the heck why bother have a pizza, eat the cheese burger and fries, that peice of cake made me feel so happy . I really need to find away to change not only my body but my mind ...and I think that is going to be the very hardest part of my journey. Mental health as well as physical health do you really think it is possible to achieve....can a person truely ever feel complete satisfaction... or will I always feel that it is just out of reach.

You will see on one of my goals to be able to wear a sexy halloween costume....last year I wore a 3x  sonorita costume, when I saw the pictures I realized I did not look like I thought I did. Dont get me wrong it is not all about how you look but part of it is. Anyway I did not look so good in the pictures as a matter of fact I hid the pictures of me I could get my hands on.
Well I ordered a halloween costume this year....I hope it fits..I really hope it fits. I have lost 60 lbs but when I look at me in the mirror I feel as heavy as before..I mean I know I am losing but I do not see it or perhaps I just want some unrealistic body image. Anyway wish me luck I will post picture if I fit the costume.