Rjshawn

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Still feeling depressed.  Made an appt to see my Neurologist who is also my Psychologist.  Him and I have a great relationship since he has been my Doctor and I am always comfortable around him to open up.  I Thank God so Much For Dr. Mahood Kazmi.  He saved my life when I was going through my Pseduo Tumor situation he stays on me to get healthy and stay positive.  I also thank the DIvine for Dr. Gibbs who is helping me get a new life  with this surgery.

 Just been feeling really bad, been crying alot just going through my emotions.  Maybe it is PMS since my GYN doctor had to put me on some medicaiton to bring down my period since I have not had one in 5 months but I just dont like feeling this way, crying for no reason, being cranky and snappy at my kids and my Boyfriend, this is not the real me the real Aneisha.  I just keep praying to God to just put his loving arms around me. 

But I have been very disciplined on my food portions and THANK THE DIVINE still have not been craving to smoke.  3 weeks now and though I have been dealing a lot of stress at work no smoking I am so proud of myself I gave myself a hug this morning. 

Just physically and emotionally drained today.  My knee is locking on me today and just feel drained.  Did very good eating wise today, just had some plain cheerios and 2 small scoops of ice cream.  Just going to relax today babysitting my 4 month old nephew but my two teenagers have him off in the room.  He is such a good boy they dont mind playing with him while I get my mind refocused.  I love having him here, I look at him and I start crying I want to get healthy just so I can have the energy to play with him.  Family is very important to me and I want to spend as much time with them as the Divine gives me. God has given me another chance and I refused to blow it this time. 

I went to my last post surgery group session on Tuesday and it was very enlightening A young lady there already had her surgery and was sharing her story with all of us.  And as usual I started crying (I am a big Cry Baby)  She looked WONDERFUL, I cried because she was sharing her story about the struggles she went through how people used her before, and how people will change on you. 

I have my next appt with Dr. Gibbs, I am DONE with all my tests  just have to lose these damn 5 pounds and it sooooooo damn hard to cut my portions I have done so well with the ceasing of smoking MAN that was so hard to do but I did it 3 weeks now and I am SOOOOOO Proud of myself (YEAH ME)  

Going to start my video journal as soon as I get my surgery date.  All the Best to EVERYONE.. May the Divine shine is light on you.  

Aneisha