Rosanne K.

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My surgery was a week ago today.  I have been feeling great!  Maybe a little tired sometimes, but I'm not even napping, everything's been wonderful.  It's hardly like I even had surgery other than I'm not really hungry.  No spit ups, no overflows, nothing.  My healing has been uneventful....Until today.  Last night I felt bloated, just like I drank too much water and hoped it would pass.  This morning my tummy hurt  and honestly, I just wanted a really GOOD POOP.  I even started dry heaving a bit, which scared me because I'm still scared of a tearing and causing a leak.  Anyway, I thought I should just take it easy on my intake today.  This did make me start feeling better.  

Okay, so later in the day I thought I'd make a protein shake, my first one since surgery.  This one also has like 7 grams of fiber or something so I thought it could be helpful in the poop department.  I added some powdered peanut butter and made it with skim milk for a total of 32 grams of YUMMY protein!  I enjoyed it toooooooooo much!  I drank the entire shake (about 1 1/2 cups) in a short amount of time!!  I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON!!  I will pace myself better in the future!!  I ended up nauseous and crying and scared I did internal damage!  It took about 2 hours to wear off.  

I guess overindulgence like this is partially the cause of my need for this surgery so here's my opportunity for behavior modification.

In the last few weeks since my surgery has been scheduled,  I have been scared, excited, and scared some more.  After talking to my mom about my decision to go through with the surgery I was left questioning whether or not this surgery was something that God would approve of for me.  I have been on an emotional roller coaster and worried about everything.  While I was trying to reconcile all of this I ran into a roadblock.  Thankfully I haven't had many roadblocks at all!  My surgery is scheduled for Feb. 12th and long story short, the funds I expected to use to pay for the surgery were not going to be available in enough time and I was going to have to reschedule.  I was really questioning God's will for me after this happened.  Then a friend gave me some very encoraging words and after a two days it looks like it's all going to work out!  Praise God!  

Essentially, the only hassle will be an additional trip to Methodist to pay my coinsurance.  I am proceeding as planned.  Surgery is scheduled Feb 12^th.  Incidentally, for whatever reason, I somehow seem less concerned and more prepared than before.  Oddly enough, that’s been the greatest outcome of this setback!

I had a thought I the other day.  I worry about all sorts of things.  What if something goes wrong in surgery?  What if I have a leak?  What if I’m not compliant and stop taking my vitamins five years from now?  What if I can’t stand the extra skin?  What if I crave things or want to eat emotionally?  What if it doesn’t work for me and I don’t lose the weight?   Or I lose it and gain it back?  It finally struck me.  How about I worry about the opposite outcomes?  Not so much worry, but consider.  What if I truly put this in God’s hands?  What if this works and I actually end up a healthy weight?  What if, for the first time in my life I am actually successful at this?  What if I have the energy and desire to work out, be active, or play a sport?  What if I start to care so much for myself and my body that I give it everything that it needs?  What If I feel comfortable in my own skin and accept the flaws, maybe even choose to love them?  What if I just choose to believe, hope for, and expect the best?

When this thought occurred to me I knew that this thought process probably came from God himself.  See below.

Philippians 4:4-9 "⁴Always be joyful in the Lord! I’ll say it again: Be joyful! ⁵Let everyone know how considerate you are. The Lord is near. ⁶Never worry about anything. But in every situation let God know what you need in prayers and requests while giving thanks. ⁷Then God’s peace, which goes beyond anything we can imagine, will guard your thoughts and emotions through Christ Jesus. ⁸Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. ⁹Practice what you’ve learned and received from me, what you heard and saw me do. Then the God who gives this peace will be with you." 

God is so good.  This has become sort of a compass and a roadmap back to where I should be.  I can stand on God's promise of peace and rest assured knowing it's all in His wonderful, skillful hands.