SassyAmy

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Holy. Crap. 48 hours from now, I'll be unconscious and someone will be taking most of my stomach out of my body forever.

....Oh. My. God.

I'm so jittery--I'm nervous, anxious, excited, scared...I can't wait for all of this to be over. I know this is the right choice for me, but I still just cannot wait. I was explaining my surgery to my dad last night, who didn't fully grasp what the procedure was and how it worked. The first thing out of his mouth was, "How reversible is this procedure?" And I had to explain to him, "Daddy, it isn't. They can't just put 85% of my stomach back in if it doesn't work out." I'm confident that this is the right choice, but it's still nerve-wracking. 

I got to see my extended family this weekend, which was wonderful, if a little difficult--we were having a barbecue to celebrate my cousin's graduation, and it was tough not really being able to eat anything. I almost cried over not being able to eat the cake...I love cake. I just have to keep telling myself that I'll be able to have small bits of cake someday, but for a while, that's not going to be an option. I'll get over it.

All of my family members have been so supportive of this process, but my Aunt Meredith really floored me with one of her comments--she told me I was brave for doing this. I really just didn't have any words to respond to that. The thought of this being a brave thing has never even occurred to me, but now that I think about it, I suppose it makes sense. It's brave to admit you have a problem and face it head on. It's brave to put your life in the hands of an almost-stranger and trust them to make your life better. It's brave to loot at your challenges head-on, take a deep breath, and say, "Bring it."

So am I brave? I guess that all depends on who you ask, but to at least one person in the world, I am, and that's giving me all the courage I need.

5 days out...does anyone know how to make time go faster?

This weekend will be spent celebrating with my family in Connecticut (where I grew up). It'll be so good to see them and spend time with the people who make me laugh more than anyone else in the world. I'm just sad that I won't get to see my father before my surgery--after my parents divorced in May, he moved down to Florida and I haven't seen him since. We talk on the phone frequently, but it's hard knowing that I can't hug him before I go in.

Until I started writing this post, I didn't realize how much I miss my father. Talking on the phone is nice, but it's hard not being able to hug him and have a real, honest-to-goodness, face-to-face conversation. I must admit, I had to take a break while writing this post so I could send him a "hi, I love you, I miss you" email. Even now I'm getting teary-eyed thinking about how I won't get to say goodbye if something should happen...but I can't think like that. 

Anthony (my husband) seems to be getting more and more introverted as surgery day approaches, which is reasonable, I suppose. He's very nervous that something is going to go wrong--he hates hospitals (although luckily, the hospital I'm going to is really nice and the least hospitaly-hospital I've even been to, and the food is amazing), and the idea of me undergoing major surgery scares the crap out of him (understandably). He's always said that he supports ME but not the idea of me undergoing major surgery...I wish there were more I could do to make him feel better. Meeting with my doctor didn't help things either; he said it made him MORE nervous about the whole thing because even though the numbers the doctor gave him are low, all he can focus on are this risks of complication. It's like when Dr. Chau said there's a 1% chance of blood clots, all Anthony heard was "There's a chance of blood clots." It's super frustrating.

I'm just a ball of nerves and emotion right now...I don't really know what I'm feeling.

This time next week I'll be in surgery...eep!!

I'm so ready to have this done, honestly. I am so anxious to start my new life. All of my blended soups are pre-made and in the freezer for Stage 2 diet, I've been following my pre-op diet pretty strictly (while I indulged a bit on Sunday, I indulged in things I'm allowed to have--grilled chicken, veggies, light yogurt, and fruit), I've been drinking my water...I'm ready to get the show on the road!

The next few days are going to be spent cleaning the apartment, since my mom is coming down a few days post-surgery just in case I need help, and I don't want to greet her with a messy apartment. Then a few weeks after surgery, we'll be having a house guest, so hopefully the apartment will stay clean long enough for her visit. I'm trying to keep myself busy because the anticipation is driving me crazy.

I'm going to be glad to have a bit off work. I just started this new job, so I've been trying to take as little time off as possible...between trying to show that I'm committed to the company and the fact that I needed to save days for my surgery, I'm burning out a bit. While post-surgery down-time isn't the rest I had in mind, it's a break from the action, which I'm grateful for. I plan on doing three major things while I heal: sleep, play video games, and read. If I'm being completely honest, I'll probably do more sleeping than anything else.

The best part about this whole thing (other than starting a new life and getting healthy) is that I'll get 10 days of KITTY TIME!!! I love my kitties dearly (I have two of them), but I don't get to spend as much time with them as I'd like (which, let's be honest, enough time = all day, every day), so I'll be able to catch up with my Stitchy and Quorra. 

I feel like I'm rambling, so I'm going to stop now. Hope everyone is having a great day!!

Hi and welcome to my blog! My name is Amy, I'm 25 years old and from New Jersey. I'm 5'2" and currently weigh 285lbs. My high weight was 292lbs, dropped down to 286 by my pre-approval diet required by my insurance company. I am scheduled for a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy on August 5th.

I started my 2 week, pre-op, liver-shrinking diet today. I'm SO HUNGRY and I just wanna chew on something, oh my God. I know it's the first day, and it'll get better, but so far, this is awful. I'm craving chicken like crazy only because I know I can eat it and it'll give me something to chew--most of my intake is liquid. My diet is as follows:

B: Protein shake, 1 serving fruit or veggies
S: 1 serving fruit/veggies
L: Protein shake, 1 serving fruit/veggies
S: 6-8 oz light yogurt or 1/2 cup non-fat cottage cheese
D: 4oz lean turkey, chicken breast, or fished (baked, grilled or boiled) and 1 cup of fruit/veggies

I also need to take in an additional 64oz of liquid a day in the form of water, fat free broth, decaf tea/coffee, or sugar free Jello/popsicles. Additionally, I'm taking 1200mg of calcium as well as a mutivitamin.

Eating healthy feels good and I LOVE raw fruits and veggies, but I could really use something that requires real chewing right about now--that's a lot of liquid up there (which has the lovely side effect of sending me to the restroom every 15 minutes). I know it'll all be worth it in the end though, because unless I shrink my liver, my surgeon won't be able to sleeve me! 

I'm glad there's a blog function on this site--I'm a writer at heart, and it'll be good to share my journey with others.