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well, here i am, surg went ok, found out i was quite the bleeder, thanks to the supplements i had been taking. my cousin whitney came with me to edmonton, we were there from a mon to a sat, was supposed to stay until the following monday, but i missed james too much. so i flew home early, naughty me! dr karmallis team was great, they kept me in hospital 5 days, so that was nice. i got up and walked almost right after surg, they were impressed, i couldnt wait to start on fluids, but wasnt alklowed until the following day. the day after surg they did a leak test, i sipped up that dye solution like id just crossed the dessert! i was sooooo thirsty, that went wekll, so once i was back in my room i started sipping. 1ounce every 15 mins is what i was allowed. the worst part for me was when they removed the drain, the day they discharged me. the nurse ripped it out of me, it felt disgusting!. the worst pain i had was strangly the back pain for the 1st couple hours after surg, man i dont know how theyve got you layin ion that operating table, but my back was in agony. very little incision pain. once home, i did ok, until 2 horrible things happened, 1st i had a sneezing fit, and ended up tearing some internal stiches, 2nd i got so terribly constipated, i hadnt pooped in 10 day, then for the next 4 days i was in the biffy, sweating, shaking, and crying for 2 hours at a time, finally after 5 doses of milk of magnesia i went, boy did i go! needed a shower, had to throw out my undies, and clean the bathroom, even the walls! it was horrible! about 7 weeks after surg, i ended up in st boniface emerg with a gallbladder attack. it was so bad they admitted me. after 2 ultrasouinds, an mri, and a blood transfusion, they finally removed the darn thing. they told me it was gangerous, necrotic, and there was pus everywhere. apparently i could have died if it stayed in much longer. a month later i had a follow up with the surgeon dr v fraser, awesome lady!! she said i bet you had a lot of pain from the navel incision, i was ummm, yeah. she went on to tell me that they go in put a baggie in you, place the gallbladder in the baggie then pull it out. well they were yanking on mine but they couldnt get it out through the navel incision, so they had to go back in and crush what they discovered was a stone over an inch in diameter!! crazy stuff i tell ya! after my gallbladder, i couldnt keep anything down, even water was painful, nothing tasted good either. so for a month i lived on pepsi slurpees and milk. i quite losing weight, i guess at least i didnt gain. then our house flooded, my dads was in the hospital.... again, i tried taking on alot, more time with bronwyn, getting her up and ready for school, very stressful, always a fight, trying to work on my spirituality, got interested in larping, too much for me, i got very overwhelmed, and started eating crappy food. again still no losing, which bummed me out even more! so here i am now, trying to get back on track, im starting to come back to OH ive started reading my wls books again, and my recent trip to edmonton have all helped. i think im back on track now. my biggest weakness was liquid calories, i was also drinking alot of paralyzers! not just the slurpees....ugh. well since edmonton ive only had 1 slurpee, and one night of drinking alcohol, and ive even switched from paralyzers to vodka orange juice and watered down oj at that. much less calories! like they say on these boards, they can fix your stomache but not your head. 

 ugh! ive been naughty. i guess its the whole last supper syndrome, but its beating me down. as of today i have decided no more giving in to these cravings! i ate 1/4 of a birthday cake one day, surprizingly i didnt eat till the whole cake was all gone though. ive been grabbing a spoon and the jar of peanut butter and going to town. i ate the last of it last night, and have told james no more in the house until i can get a grip on things.  ive been craving paralyzers, ive had a few here and there, talk about calories! im scared. i am now 285lbs. i was recently 279 i think in feb. ahhh! as i type this, its starting. just the mention of peanut butter, and my head just zeros in on it. then i struggle with my head to get it out of my mind. why peanut butter all of a sudden? since mar 22, its been all about the pb. and i really dont have the strength to just induldge a little. im seriously lacking that level of control. i wonder if i will ever have control like that. i will start reading my kobo book called crave again. also my craving change workbook. ive got to get my head straight here. its 6 weeks to surgery. 1 month today till i start my pre op liquid diet. i want to be 280 by liquid diet time, then hmm, , would 270 by surgery be too much to ask? ok, there, now ive put it out there, goddess help me! my bff told me you have to ask the universe for what you need, you got to put it out there in order for it to come to you. sounds good to me! i think after surgery i will delve into my spiritual side ive been to out of touch for to long. if only i could find a coven to work with. i feel so lost being a solitary practitioner, that i havent even so much as lit a candle in years. ok, thaty was a little off topic... lol
point is, ive been weak, very weak. but i kicked myself in the butt after stepping on the scale this a.m so i plan on being back on track as of now!
niki

 ok, so on monday i also got a call from donna, the awesome physiotherapist, she really understands the deal with fibromyalgia. i told her how ive been "nesting" like mad, and am now paying the price. it knocks me out for days after expending that kind of energy. but it was a good conversation. very encouraging. 
 so i think i already wrote that i left a message for lorraine on monday, well, the lady covering for her called me back, and informed me that lorraine was away that day, but the list has not been updated since april 1, and as far as she could tell, it was looking like june-july for me. well on tues lorraine called me she gave me a surgery date of may 23!!!! wow! i was so excited! i told everyone i knew, made childcare arrangments, ugh
so the next day, wednesday, lorraine calls me back and tells me she accidently booked too many people for that day, and has too rebook my surgery. ugh again!!! so now my surgery date is june 5. just another 2 weeks from the previous date, but yeah, thats 2 wekks longer. i am a little disappointed, its only 2 weeks but, well, ya know. its june instead of may. lol, silly i know. really im fine, im just so pumped to have a date finally! and lots of notice, so i can book hotel and flights. ive been feeling that i want my hubby there, but i think he hasnt been offered a co op position because he is asking for time off. tonight my cousin whitney offered to come, i may just may take her up on it!. 
let the count down begin!!
niki

 on thursday last week i phoned nicole, dr karmalis secratary, i asked her if i had been added to the surgical wait list yet, and if she could tell me where i am on that list. she was unable to help me, but gave me lorraines number who is the lady that does the bookings. nicole also recommended that i 1st call the weight wise clinic to see if theyve put me on the list yet. so i called the ww clinic front reception. the lady who answered was named bobby, i asked her if ive been added yet, she informed rather rudely that my nurse and surgeon only reviewed my scope results that day and i was "jumping the gun here" grrr, she was rude, she than put me on hold and lovely sweet lisa with the cool hair came on, she was nice ( which is what ive come to expect from the staff there, i was shocked at that bobby broad! lol) she told me that she is the one who adds people to the wait list, and she will be adding me on monday (today) so i think ill wait till tues-wed to call lorraine and ask where i am on the list. 
so today i had a "phone" apt, with the dietition, it was my girl suneet, it was someone coverin g for her. we went over "maintainingthe change" its usually a class i would attend but i was allowed to do it over the phone. she also gave me my pre-op diet instructions. my pre op diet will be 5 ensure high proteins and 1 cup of skim milk, and as much non calorie drinks as i want, its 1215 cals a day. seems high cal to me, i hope i will lose on it. so i do 14 days full fluids post op then start vitamins and start introducing solids. no bread or rice, seperate liquids and solids, take 20-30 min to eat a meal, chew chew chew, small portions, eat every 2 hours very little bits as needed, work up to 3 meals a day, she told me i will eventually be able to eat 3/4 -11/4 cups of food at a time. keep making healthy choices, i need to get in 68-81g of protein, and my goal weight is 220LBS!!! what why am i doing this surgery for 60lbs?? i want to be 165lbs, now i know shes being conservative, but man will i be ticked if i only reach 220. grrr, that was really discouraging.  sigh...
so now i wait for my other phone apt today from donna (another sweetie) the physiotherapist.
ok, i broke down and called lorraine, but had to leave a message, hopefully she will call me back today. 

 what an exciting trip to edmonton. we left early on thursday mar 29/12. i was fasting for my scope, which was difficult on the plane, sipping tea usually helps my motion sickness on the plane, and i wasnt allowed to take gravol, boooo! lol, oh well, i survived. so we went straight to the hotel and they didnt have a room ready yet, actually check in is not until 3 but weve been very lucky with getting a room early. they really treat us so well there! so we went upstairs to the restaurant/lounge, our girl tara was working, yay! another one who treats us so well, we even get tons of hugs from her. she gave us her phone number as she wants to know when we r coming back, and i think she will come see me in hospital. shes actually a r.n. but was in a terrible accident a couple of years ago, lost some family, including her baby, and was injured to the point that she is unable to be a r.n. anymore. poor thing! shes such a wonderful, loving sweet girl! so i got to watch james eat a big hearty breakfast in front of me while i fasted. i made him eat actually, he didnt want to make it hard on me, really the worst of it for me was being thirsty. im the type of person who drinks 10L of fluids a day. that is definatly going to be the hardest thing for me post op. so we got our room around 10 am and dropped off our bags and headed to the royal alex hospital. we found our way alot easier then i expected, registered, and went to wait my turn in the waiting room( they even had the large chairs in the wait room the same as at the weight wise clinic. i was impressed) while there i saw one of the women from my surgeon consult, and she has the same last name as me, just spelled differently. even after the scope she was in the next bed in the recovery room. i said maybe we will be surgery buddies aswell! be neat to see. so the nurse comes and gets a group of us and leads us to the back to get ready. we each get put in a "curtain/bed" we are told to read and sign some forms and get into a gown. grr, wouldnt you know it i dont fit the gown. so i stick my head out of the curtain and asked for a new one, apparently they have "slim pickins" for gowns in that department. alas, i was so impressed by the wait room only to be disappointed by the gowns. lol, cant tell you how many times ive been in this situation. so she found me a gown, not one of the huge ones, but one that has buttons at the shoulders and down the arms. my biggest problem was my arms anyways so they fit better in the new gown. i am so gonna need plastic surgery on my arms after! so once im already the nurse comes in and reviews my forms then puts an iv in my hand. i ask her to please put it in my left hand because if i have to pee and its on my right hand, due to my size i end up banging my hand and i.v. on the toilet when i wipe. so after a bit of obvious annoyance she ablidges. so i lay there on the bed and im talking with james about surgery and the fact that i never once considered that they may find something that would prevent me from getting the surgery. the nurse comes and gets me and i say see ya! to my hubby, off i go, let the fun begin! so into the "theater" i go. im introduced to dr dennis todoruk, and my surgeons intern( didnt catch his name) who will be doing the procedure as dr karmali is away. they place a blood pressure cuff on me and i am told to roll on to my left side. the anethetist comes over and says that she will now inject the medication into my i.v. OUCH!!!! the tears start and im not getting knocked out, i ask if it should be burning so horribly, she starts to panic, whats going on? i wimper " the blood pressure cuff!" well, yeah... the cuff was inflated nice and tight, so the medication had nowhere to go, so it just sat there burning my forearm. as soon as the took the cuff off the medication hit and i was OUT!. i wake up in recovery, my throat is a little tender but not bed, i felt like i just had the best nap of my life! im ready to go! lol. i had to stay there for an hour and was monitored. they kept me longer then others, but i think its because of my sleep apnea. dr todoruk comes to talk to me and tells me everything is a go for surgery, they did a standard biopsy and tested for h.pylori bactyeria, also i have a hiatus hernia, but no surprise there, it will be fixed during surgery. james came to greet me with 2 bottles of water, the wonderful man! and off we went.
back at hotel we had lunch and i misbehaved i had a chicken club wrap with salad, but i used dressing and allowed the chipotle mayo on the wrap, yummy! every time i eat over the last few months i wonder if ill be able to eat this post op... its a constant in everything i do and think. i had to force myself a month ago to start reading something not wls, im a big reader and love my books, ive enjoyed it but find myself needing the comfort of knowledge and support that my wls books give me. so now i jump back and forth. ive even been re-reading my weight wise modules info. i wanted to go for a swim, but also wanted to take it easy, it was a long day, getting up at 4, after only a few hours sleep, and james hadnt slept at all, so nope, didnt swim, :(  we really need to take advantage of that pool! and i got a new swimsuit i need to wear while i still fit it. its really nice too! that night i was reading a form i was given when my original scope was booked, it lists my apts, but it said that when i know my scope date i need to book a consult between my surgeon and nurse to review my scope results. crap! if that wasnt booked when my scope date was changed, how long will this set me back? the clinic was closed at that time, so i couldnt call. i had trouble sleeping thinking about it.
the next day we slept in, checked out and made our way to the weight wise clinic for my "preparing for bariatic surgery class". 1st thing i did was ask about that review of my scope results, phew! thankfully the awesome receptionist booked those when i phoned her! man shes tops in my books! so off to the class i go, james was allowed to come in, yay! i love how involved he wants to be in all this, hes amazing, so supportive. i get terrified thinking that "we" might change after surgery. we have a very solid relationship, i just hope it stays that way. the class told me everything i wanted to know( except my exact preop diet). the nurse spoke for 1 hour, then the dietican spoke for an hour, and finally the psychologist spoke for an hour. the nurse spoke about the hospital stay and the process, just a very general idea. the dietician talked about vitamins, dumping, post op diet ( i only have to do 2 weeks full fluids then start introducing solids. a couple days of clear fluids in hospital). the psycologist spoke about body image and the expectation gap. at one point he asked us what we do to comfort ourselves without food. everyone was saying stuff like, read, meditate, excercise, i say cuddle my dog or cats, the psychologist says i noticed you didnt say your husband, lol. everyone laughed, my face was red!
we ate at the airport at chilis. its become our tradition, we even have an awesome waitress there aswell, her name is anna, and unfortuatly she wasnt there this time. :( well hopefully we will see her on our next trip....   surgery! 

 so another trip to edmonton, another ton of cash! lol, oh well, its sssooooo gonna be worth it! well we left on wed feb 29, we went straight to the weight wise clinic to see my case manager sue. she changed around my appts so i would see my dietician suneet right after her that a.m.. well all went well with them, suneet gave a pamphlet called my guide to healthy eating after bariatric surgery, actually sue had mailed me an intro to bariatric surgery pamphlet aswell. getting closer i can feel it! lol suneet said if i get a surg date to call her and she will give me my 2 week liquid preop diet of ensure high protein. both of them wouldnt say whether or not i would get to see dr karmali the next day or not. i was left hangin, and was told its all up to dr modi( who i adore!!) to put me thru to the surgeon. so that afternoon we went to another module, called craving change. it is a 3 part class, which we attended part 1. i met some nice people at this module, steph, jim, and geri. hope to keep in touch with them all. craving change was interesting, i found it helpful and look forward to reading thru the booklet. this is definatly one of my weaknesses, i see a comercial on tv, then i want that yummy ooey gooey looking chocolate bar! at least weve learned not to keep junk food in the house, so i dont do the impulse thing anymore, but sometimes that commercial lingers and when we go shopping, standing in line, those chocolaters call my name, and i have to be really strong and fight the dam urge to buy 2 of them. so back to my trip, before we went to the module we went for lunch at the hotel and saw our favorite waitress tara. we were lucky we got to see her this trip cause she was in on her day off, then left for the bahamas on thurs a.m. she gives us hugs and great vibes whenever we see her. one of the reasons we love staying at that hotel. the people there remember us and treat us great! 
 so thursday i go to my apt with dr modi. she is so fantastic! i hope i get to see more of her, shes so uplifting, positive, and encouraging. my hubby james came in with me and he got a kick out of her to. she shook my hand 3 times saying goodbye, i thnk she likes me.lol she always tells me how awesome i am because of the weight i managed to lose. that and she loved my openess about my psych history. so needless to say, that went well. so onto dr karmali!!! well 1st thing is he brought in 4 of us to the room, aswell as 2 of us brought our hubbys, and he just went over the 3 types of surgery they do there. then i went to my o.t. apt. which went ok, nothing really happened with her, just kinda checked in on my activity level. then i went back to see dr. karmalli one on one. we talked about the rny, and he agreed that would be the best surgery for me, he told me my bypass will be 100 cm long and my stoma will be 25mm wide. he said not to expect much pain, cause if theres alot of pain that means theres something wrong. i will have to do a 2 week liquid diet of ensure, and a colon cleanse the night before surg. its just a pill i take, but apparently it cleans me out. i wioll fast the night before surgery, then the day of surg, then overnight until the next day when they check me for leaks, then i can have fluids. boy am i gonna be parched! hopefully ill be to groggy to care. they also chech for leaks while im on the table but likes to check a 2nd time aswell. if i have a hiatus hernia, he will repair it aswell during surg. i will have a jp drain, which should be removed before i leave the hospital, if not then definatly removed before we come back to winnipeg. surg will be on a tues or wed ( i think) and we can fly home the following monday. at my one of my early post op visits if they find i am losing quickly they will give me meds for gallstone prevention.he will send me home with an anti-nauseant. i should be able to wear plastic earings to keep my piercings in tact, but they wil tell me for sure at my pre-op admission apt. which will be the day before surg so we dont have to fly twice. they use stockings and heparin injections after surg to prevent blood clots. and last but not least he requires me to come in for a scope before surg, he checks for polyps, and h. pylori bacteria and does biopsys.  he likes to do the scope himself so i need to come back to edmonton for it. i asked him how soon surg would be, he said about 2 months, he said i could have the scope in 2 weeks. so i left there pretty excited, went to the front counter to book the scope and the 3 hour class i need to attend before surg called preparing for bariatric surgery. the girl at the front said they dont book the scopes there so i had to down the end of this other hall and book it with nicole, dr karmallis secratary. so we go see nicole, and she tells us she can book me for june 28th!!!! um, excuse me?  what happened to 2 weeks? now its 4 months till scope? then another 6 weeks or so till surg? i dam near hit the floor! im sure my jaw did. well i was upset after that, felt very discouraged. we went back to the front and booked my phone follow ups and my class. while there we saw dr karmalis nurse anna. told her our situation, that we were hoping surg would be early may because thats when james is done exams and before he starts his co-op term. she said she would put a note on my file and see what could be done. well, by then it was too late to get to our module for the afternoon, and to be honest i really didnt feel up to it. so we went back to the hotel, and napped. i tell ya, it was a good nap, i was feeling emotionally drained, so many ups and downs in one day. so we had a nice quiet night in. i wont discuss the crappy supper we had that i had to send back 3 times and eventually didnt even eat. im sure it wouldnt have happened if tara was there. but on the plus side our server ended up being her brother. so we got to meet him, and hes just as huggy as tara! lol, very lovable family.  so friday i had to do some tests for dr modi. i was fasting since that absent supper the night before. so we went to the royal alex hospital to do blood work and a urine test. then we had to haul all our luggage to hys centre for a ecg, then back to the weight wise clinic for my apt with donna the physiotherapist. it all went well, but i sure logged some mileage on my pedometer. after my apt with donna, we went to see dr karmalis secratary nicole to apologize for my curtness the day before. i wasnt rude, just obviously disappointed. so we are saying sorry to her, and she tells me that i wasnt the only one who was upset, apparently dr karmalli misquoted all 4 of us that he saw the day before. she said she was working on getting another day of scoping in april, and the 1st people she will be moving up are us 4 that he misquoted. so i am to await her call on monday or tuesday. 
 update!!!
nicole phoned me today, and yes she moved my scope up, to march 29th!!!!! horray!

 so i guess i should start at my last trip to Edmonton. we went on Jan 31st, on the plane ride there someone actually had to sit between us for a change. luckily she was thin. even better she was from Scotland! yay! talk about sitting between two perfect people for a flight.she was impressed by our tattoos but even more so over the fact that we had haggis at our wedding! lol. it was a fun, but squishy flight. we arrived to friendly familiar faces at the hotel. some super nice people work there. but our fave is the waitress upstairs named Tara, she even gives us hugs. so on Feb 1st we had 2 modules, which as of 2012 are now called workshops, we got a kick out of that. the a.m. class went well, then we had lunch and went to our afternoon module/workshop, it was during this that we noticed a killarney phone number trying to call our cell and it wasn't my dads! panic started to set in so James left the room and called home. he spoke to my mom, who heard from my dads bro Ron in killarney. James called me into the hall and told me that my dad has had a heart attack and we did not know how he was as he was being transferred to Brandon hospital. so commence freak out! by that night all we had heard is he was in ICU, that his bp was so low they had to keep reviving him and he was in arterial fibrillation. the next morning i had to hold it together and meet with the head psychiatrist at the weight wise clinic. it went well all things considered. he spoke to me and said i may have issues because i like to treat myself with food, but felt surgery would do no harm to me. he then called James in and he spoke to us about how marriages can change after surgery and that as long as we get counseling we should be OK if any problems arise. that afternoon i had my bone densitrometry and whole body composition scan. oh yeah,,,, did i mention, I GOT PSYCH CLEARANCE!!!!! my biggest hurdle officially passed. the body scan was neat, they gave me the papers to take to the clinic next time i go, and man am i ever fat! lol, that scan shows every inch of flab! hides nothing! oh well. so from the airport ( we had a 6 hour wait till our flight) i kept calling Brandon hosp for updates on my dad. hes developed delirium, did not have a heart attack, but may have had another stroke ( he had a major stroke at the age of 53, 9 years ago) apparently he had a pain in his leg, went to lay down and was in bed with diarrhea for 3 or 4 days, got severley dehydrated which caused the heart and bp issues. to top it off they discovered he is diabetic and has a massive infection in his leg, which spread and is now sepsis. as of today my dad is still in brandon hospital, infection is slowly healing, his white cells are finally coming down. he reacted badly to some of the antibiotics at 1st, but once switched started to improve. he had delirium for a week but after being transfered to a regular ward on day 8, delirum ceased to be an issue. did not have a stroke, but is having to work at walking and talking again, hopefully with rehab he will be independant again one day. so weve been spending every weekend in brandon, sleeping in the nurses residence. which, by the way was really great accomadations! 
 so back to everything else thats been going on. on the monday after we came home from edmonton, we spent the weekend at brandon hosp, then came home sunday night thought it was really weird my little boy cat wookie never came out to see me, then monday morn when he still didnt come out i knew something was really wrong! bronwyn and i went looking for him. broni found him in the scrap/craft room. i went in and he was crying in pain and couldnt move his back end at all, i thought maybe fus or a broken hip?. so i called james at school and he rushed home so we could take my wookster to the vet. the vet knew right away what it was, there was no pulse in his back legs, and they were cold. its a heart condition, that has no warning and no treatment, basically the heart starts shooting out blood clots and form embollisms in his legs. unfortunatly he had to put my wookie down. i held him in my arms while the vet gave him the needle to his heart. he tried to give it to him in a vein, but they were collapsing already. i really miss him! he was my buddy, he slept under our bed, so every time i moved he knew when i was up and would come give me lovin snuggles, every morn, every night, and every time i went pee! he was 12, we only had him for 7 years, we got him as an adult from the humane society.
 well after all this crap happening, you think id get some good news, which i guess you could say i did, since my dad was slowly improving, but  at this point he was nowhere near out of the woods. i went to my follow up apt with dr corne, at the sleep disorder clinic. found out i have severe sleep apnea! what the heck! i thought at worst id have mild sleep apnea. apparently you are supposed to have under 5 respiratory disturbances an hour, i had between 15 and 119!!!i range from moderate to very severe sleep apnea! so overall they deem it severe. i will be contacted in the next 4 weeks to be fitted for a cpap machine! crazy!
 so all was slowly getting back to normal this week, then today i recieved a phone call from sue, my case manager, she told me that as long as they can squeeze me in i will see dr shazeer karmali the SURGEON!!!! next week while i am there! i was so excited i forgot to ask any further questions, after talking to nicole i realized i want to know more! so i called sue back and asked how long after that will i get surgery? she said 4-6 weeks!!!! holy crap!! i will have to go back for a scope and a couple other tests she said, but seriously! surgery in 4-6 weeks! i could be starting optifast in the next month! wow!! wow!! wow!!!lol
cant wait to post next week after our next trip!
hugs to all, wish me luck!
niki

 So yet another trip completed! we went last week, jan 22 to the 24th we left early on the 22nd and arrived in edmonton around 8, we went directly to the hotel and were too early to check in. they sent us for breakfast upstairs and discovered they were now open daily for breakfast, not just on the weekend. it was yummy, but you could tell the dude was new at this, i had no idea that my breakfast burrito could come on a wholewheat tortilla until it was too late. not only that but they brought it out with white toast! with real butter!!! i cannot even tell you when the last time i had either of those. so... yeah, i indulged. we checked in, and i crashed almost immediatly. we had stayed up all night the night before so we wouldnt miss our flight, seeing as how we had to leave the house at 4 a.m.
  monday a.m. i had my apt with the dr. now im really not sure if she was a gp or an internist. or are they the same thing? dont know, what i do know is that she was awesome! very positive, she told me my honesty about my psychiatric and abuse history was a "breath of fresh air", i dont get called that often! lol she asked me questions and was relieved at my responses. she wants me to see the head psychiatrist there. which was kind of disapointing because i had thought my letter from my psychiatrist here had given me the psychiatric clearance. she was so positive about everything, saying she would go to bat for me, cuz she knows "im gunning for surgery"
  after that apt. we had to go out to spruce grove for another module. the ride there was kinda funny, our cab driver missed the turn, so he cut across 3 lanes of traffic, cutting off a cop, so we got pulled over! man, i think we are ginxed with these cab drivers! lol. the module was the same info weve learned in the other modules, so it ticked us off that we paid $100 to get there and back. did learn that they are no longer calling them modules now. as of 2012 they are now refered to as workshops. which makes a boat load of sense to me, modules?.... really? lol. 
  tuesday was the big day. 4 apts. i walked in feeling so good about it all, still vibeing on dr modis words(the internist/gp?) my 1st apt was with my case manager. yeah... she totally poo pooed on my good vibe! she made very sure to tell me that i may not even get surgery, that my sleep and inactivity is a major concern, that im not showing improvement with my activity. she even commented that i have until im 60, so dont worry cuz im young! seriously! if i wait till im 60, i will be dead! no exagerating, my genes have it all laid out for me! so if not dead, then ill have a stroke at 53 like my dad. gggrrrrr. if they only knew where i was a year ago, and just how far i really have come! why do we always think of a million things we should have said once its too late? really she needs to know how much better i am now. maybe at our next apt... in spite of that i still have complete faith that i will get the surgery.
  my next apt was with my dietician, suneet. i really like her, shes straight forward but not negitive. she was very pleased with my diet, portions and content! so we set a few goals , 1 no more diet pop, or any carbonation, 2 aim for more then 3000 steps a day. so that means keeping on wearing the pedometer( which btw, i am on my 4th one. im spending a small fortune on the stinkin things! lol) 3 continue with previous goals, 3 meals a day with 1-2 snacks, and 1600-1700 calories a day. and 4 im only allowed to weigh myself 1-2 times a week. i usually hop on that thing every morn. i'm glad to report ive done well with those goals. well except the one night we ate at olive garden,, man that was bad! my meal, breadstix, salad, pasta and i split a dessert with my hubby, was 2200! well thats the last time i eat there! lol. i did say that was one of the places i wanted to have a last meal at, so i guess that was it!
 my 3rd apt was with the occupational therapist, gotta tell you , if nothing else, this program is thorough. her name is minh. she was nice, very informative. lots of good ideas, like getting elastic shoelaces, so i can wear something other then slip on shoes, and using a grabber/reacher tool to pick up toys, ect. she also gave me a write up on skin care. it said something which i was already doing, and that is to use anti-perspirant on your folds. i started doing that when i was at my heaviest and was getting really smelly rashes(tmi?,lol). then we set some goals, and i had to rein her in. she had me doing all the house work, cooking meals, and working out everyday! so what we settled on was swim/aquacise once a week. excercise 20-30 mins while james makes supper, do batch cooking and freeze leftovers. and lastly, have mom,james or friend give me a wake up call at 9 am, to start getting me up earlier. i always sleep through my alarm, so hopefully this will help. she also said i should nap for 30-45 min after lunch, which i tried, but i have such a hard time waking up after that short of time, i dont think napping is an option for me right now.
after a 4 hour wait between apts, my last apt was with donna, a super nice lady. oh... and shes the physiotherapist. she understood. she knows im starting at 0, that i used to have frozen shoulder and that i have fibromyalgia and sufer from chronic neck and shoulder pain. she talked about starting out slowly, doing 5-10 mins on the bike at a time. to do stretches to keep limber and chair excercises if my knees hurt to much. she assessed me and aside from low back/hips i have pretty good range, which was nice to hear. she talked a bit about how im stuck in the mind set of when i couldnt do anything, that i have to work past that and start moving. which i might add a very good friend of mine pointed out to me after aswell. there was a time i needed james to bathe me at the sink, that i couldnt make it up the stairs to sleep or bathe. there was a time that i slept 20 hours a day, sometimes id even sleep for 3 days straight only waking to pee. we set some goals aswell, she wants me to check out fibromoves or waterworks thru the arthritis society. chair excercises called sit and be fit, possibly go to the library and borrow chair or sitting excercise dvds, to take short walks on days that we dont go shopping to get more steps in, try biking for 5-10 min at a time and to stop locking my knees when i stand.
so lots to work on, huh? all good though, most ive been incorporating already. i go again tomorrow jan 31-feb 2,for 2 modules a body scan and the big apt with the head psychiatrist then again feb 29-mar 2 for 3 modules and 5 more apts. i look forward to not having to spend every spare cent on these trips, maybe we can start swimming as a family on the weekends. oh, lol, i bought a dance workout dvd, thinking it would be difficult but i could go at my own pace... um, nope! i couldnt even get thru the warm up! lol. gonna file that one away for skinnier times.what i really want is some ricard simmons dvds, but ive never seen them on dvd. his videos rock! i have some vcr tapes of his packed away somewhere, but instead of spending a week going thru every box we have, id prefer to have them on dvd aswell. so if anyone knows where i can find some, please let me know.
i also did a level 3 home sleep study on the 26th, so thats one more thing accomplished. i see dr corne for a follow up in feb.      

 so i got a call from my case manager sue, and after a big rigamaroll to get the report to them, they finally got my psych papers. and yay! its a go! so i got psych clearance. but.... big but, sue was very clear that that does not mean im getting the surgery. she said its just one step of many and i have a long way to go to get approved. sheesh!  she told me its very important to keep on working on my goals that i  set with her and suneet, and that the sleep issue was very important. which sucks, cuz thats the one goal that i am struggling with the most. i just cant wake up at a decent time. my hubby can set 3 alarm clocks for me and i sleep right thru them! is it my meds? i dont know, maybe? but it sucks. i get between 9 and 12 hours sleep a night and i still need caffine to make it thru the day. poop! but alas, i shall move forward and keep trying everyday. james sets the alarms for me every day, one of these days it will work. somedays are better then others. i just wish they would say yes you are getting the surgery its just a matter of when, or better yet, that ill get it in a couple of months. i was on the alberta forum today and they talk alot about the 1 cup diet and having to lose 10 % of their weight before they can have surgery. i havent heard anything about that yet. im hoping that it refers strictlly to the red dear and calgary programs and not the edmonton one. i was 360lbs when i was refered and my dr told me i would have to lose weight to get the surgeryu so i did, today i weighed 287lbs! i hope they will take that into account at least, i struggle now to drop just a couple of pounds so another 25 or 30lbs would be tough.ugh! i guess i could also complain about the $ we are spending. james just cashed in his one and only mutual fund so we can go on these next 2 trips. man..... it better be worth this. i know if they give me the surgery it totally will be, but thats as long as they give it to me. ugh again! lol. wish me luck! thank goodness i have faith in what the tarot reader saw. 

so just an update here. i had 2 "phone appointments" on tues am, dec 13. 1st was with my dietician, suneet. we discussed my goals, and she was concerned that im not getting enough consistant calories in. the range is to big , and most days is not enough. i am eating a normal breakfast now a days. usually one egg, 1 slice 12 grain toast, 10 green grapes and 1 cup skim milk. im really enjoying it! its so nice to eat, after being on the fitsmart shakes for over a year. because of the extra calories im getting at breakfast, i am absorbing my zeldox more, which is sedating, which is now causing me trouble with the other goal that i set while i was in edmonton, which was to get up at 10- am every day. well im not able to yet, well.... i cant really say that , i have a couple of times, and i am now getting up before noon, just not always 10 am.we'll call it a work in progress. while talking to suneet during my phone apt, we decided a new goal is to replace my lunch shake with a meal! horray, im eating 3 times a day now plus 1 or 2 snacks! its great! im using up my old nutrisystem food as my lunches which are nice and easy. a small victory last night, we opened a box of chocolates, and i only had 3! a few months ago i would have eaten the whole box with james. but my self control has really been in check lately. my workbook for wls is really helping my head issues. a few weeks ago i went and bought small plates and have been eating my meals off them. just getting myself prepared for life after surgery, and hey!, if i end up not being approved for surgery, james and i are forming great new habits. my other phone apt was with sue my case manager. i updated her on my activity level, i  informed her that im not trying to "work out" everyday, but i am trying to move more, and basically do more every day. on that note, i do still do the bike or wii fit when i have time. ok i know, i have to make time, right?, but im busy being more active, just cooking and cleaning, i havent done that at all in 4 years, so this level of activity is huge for me. we also discussed my sllep study requirement. when i was in ed on nov 30 for my assessment i told her how ive been on the wait list for a sleep study here for a long time. she sais if i dont get one done here soon i would have to have one done there. well she asked me on the phone if i had followed up with my gp abpout getting the sleep study done. he ( my gp) told me that he refered me 3 years ago, so i kinda just left it at that, but explained to him the situation, so he contacted them, and late yesterday they called me. they told me that there was miscomunication from my gp as to whether i was to have a sleep study done, also, he never told them i had a study done 4 years ago while pregnant. so i am booked for a consult with dr corne at the mis on monday morn. i asked his secretary how long for the sleep study after the consult, she informed me it just a matter of a few weeks. so yay! that ball is now rolling too. next week i also have appts with my endocrinologist and my psychiatrist. oh speaking of which, i still havent heard back from jason the psychologist from the w/w clinic. i asked sue about it and she told that they were still waiting to hear back from my psych here. so of course, i phoned him to make sure he had recieved it. i spoke to my occupational therapist here, and she told me that it has been answered but is in the process of being transcribed, then it will be faxed to jason. im hoping next week at my appt he will be able to tell me that it has been faxed, im also hoping he will give me a clue as to what was written. i just wanted to mention that i had a very hard time in shoppers last night. there was chocolate everywhere. tis the season right? but i didnt buy any. i wanted to, but i didnt. notsure where this recent strength is coming from, but ill take it!
 so i think thats it for now.