Three Weeks Out

Jul 27, 2010

So, it's my 3 week update. I weigh 274, which means I've lost 12 pounds since surgery and 23 pounds all together. I have been really down on myself since most of the lab rats near my weight lost 25-30 pounds in their first month. Of course, I've got another week and half before I get to my one month date, but I'm not very hopeful that I'll lose that much more. I keep telling myself to quit being stupid. If I was doing Weight Watchers, I'd be thrilled with 12 pounds in 3 weeks....4 pounds a week! But of course with Weight Watchers I'd be eating some real food too!!

So far, I can't imagine that my malabsorption is doing much at all. I'm not eating anything to speak of. I'm having 2 protein shakes a day and filling up my water bottle 2 times. (64 ounces) Then I'm having 2 or 3 tablespoons of other things as I get hungry. I've thown up a bunch of stuff...I think because I eat too much. 2 tablespoons seems like you've just started a meal!!! I've successfully eaten ricotta cheese, cottage cheese, fried egg with cheese in it, Wendy's chilli. I've thrown up Wendy's chilli, eggs, chinese food (pureed) and plenty of other things. Honestly, sometimes eating seems more trouble than it's worth.

But I want to eat. I want to eat like I used to. I want to drown my emotions in food. My mom's cancer has gotten much worse and it's stealing her from me. She's not herself and it's killing me. All I want to do is go to some restaurant and stuff my face. But I've taken that comfort away haven't I? This is what is meant by buyer's remorse, I'm afraid.

Not a very cheery update. Guess the hormone dump has started because I am WAY down right now. I'm hating my life and every facet of it. It takes everything in me to pretend when people are around that I'm not miserable.

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