You're so vain...

Oct 30, 2014

I went through a phase while researching and early in the process where I would cry because I was afraid of what I would look like.  Silly, and vain, I know...but I've been heavy all of my adult life.  My teen years I was average weight, too thin sometimes, and very vain.  As I've gotten older, I've found ways to dress and such to hide the fat - at least I thought I did.  I was never really lacking in attention - even at my heaviest. But as I think about losing the weight I began to get terrified of how I would look...with and without clothes.  Right now every inch of my body is filled out, with fat, but what about when that fat is gone?  I had this image in my head that I would just deflate and not really shrink.  My husband and friends I have told have said that I'm being silly. But it's a image that is hard to get rid of.  There is no money for reconstructive surgery (which in reality is what it is since there is no "plastic" involved) at this time - maybe down the road and if I really can't grasp how I look naked.  Until then, I know my husband loves me deeply, I know I will do everything I possibly can to tone and sculpt my body, and keep my fingers crossed that my genetics are better than I anticipate.  

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