Ups and downs

Sep 23, 2009

 9/23/2009
I had a rough week last week.  I woke up Sunday with nausea and it continued until Wednesday.  Luckily, I had a f/u appt with my dr already scheduled for Tuesday and they gave me some Regulan which did help.  Mornings still are a little tough until I'm up and around awhile.  It's very hard for me to drink a shake first thing, I do much better with a juice-type drink such as Isopure Plus.  They also advanced me to Stage 3 last week so that was a help too to get real food in my gut for it to work on for longer than the soft foods.  

I did find one thing so far (over this past weekend) that didn't agree with me and that is my beloved McClure Bean Soup.  I've grown up on the stuff and have had some every year of my life at this celebration.  I had some on Saturday for supper and about 45 min later, I wasn't feeling so great as we were walking around.  It pretty much plagued me all night.  We brought our usual 2 quarts home and I had a little bit on Sunday before running for groceries and again, 45 min later, again, not so good (while AT the grocery store).  I raced to finish just to sit and relax on the drive home.  So, I didn't realize it on Sat but when it did it again on Sun, then I figured it out.  I think that it was the fat content rather than the northern white beans because I had been eating refried beans all week.  They use suet when they make it over the fires and stir it until creamy and really at that point, it's more of a slurry than a soup (nicknamed Bean Slop) so I knew it wouldn't be a matter of texture or chunks.  What little I did have in my bowls, I made sure I chewed well so it had to be the fat grams.  Hopefully, next year will be different.

But so far, it's been very tolerable.  I won't say it's been easy because I've really been wanting to eat like I did before but I'm determined not to fall into those patterns again.  I am determined to follow my directions and do as I'm told.  I need this to work.  My husband has been very good natured about fixing his own meals during this time, although he doesn't realize how hard it's been not to eat what he's eating (as he does it in front of me - and I wouldn't expect him to leave).  I did fix chicken the other night and it was nice to eat with him again and there will be many more of those times ahead.

Mentally, I think I'm doing OK.  I have days where I feel very alone and then there are other days where I feel very much upbeat about this decision.  I can't say that I'm really depressed, just a little blue.  Kind of like when you have big outdoor plans and it rains.  It helps that I have had things to look forward to and as the eating stages progress, I know I will too.  Just a little withdrawal, I guess.  I'm very much looking forward to salad again, a chicken caesar salad with non-fat dressing!!  OH MY!!  The fact that it's fall and changing colors, Penn State and Steeler football is in full swing, I'm back to seeing my chiropractor and other things on my calendar approach have really helped me come along too.

Overall, I'm doing well.  I would do this again in a heartbeat but with better mental preparation for this time period.  (I knew what I'd have to do, I just didn't realize it would as hard as it's been.)  I can only advise any pre-ops who are reading this to talk to someone who has gone thru it.  Find out their experiences, how they dealt with various issues and figure out your own game plan and support system.  It is essential.  When the professionals tell you you need a support system, they aren't kidding.  I've always been independent so I kind of poo-poo'd it when they said it because I didn't think I'd need people around me to understand and support like I did (and they have).  I knew I wouldn't be alone anyway but really didn't think I'd need anyone else other than myself and my husband.  I don't know how some of these people do it on their own.

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