No motivation day

Jan 31, 2011

I am having one of those days where I just cant get the motivation to do anything!!

I did go to the gym this morning, but only did about 10miles on the bike....thats about 30 mins.

I hate my job today and the boss wants the budget for the last 2 years and I have been procrastinating on it all day. I havent even started on the numbers.

I will have to check the calendar....is it PMS time???

Did you ever have one of those days where you just wanted to crawl back into bed and start over tomorrow instead??

I think yesterday had something to do with it because I cant decide if it was a positive thing overall or not...

I finally went to a WLS support group. Everyone was VERY nice....I was so impressed with the level of honesty. People were very willing to share their experiences, good and bad. I heard some truly amazing stories! I took a lot of notes.

It was really hard for me to work up the courage to go. It had been in the back of my mind all morning and I kept finding excuses not to really confront the nagging thoughts rumbling around in there, Finally, I just said, ok Im going....and left.

I nearly talked myself out of it 3 or 4 times on the 45 min drive there too!

I arrived a bit late and found that it had already started. Really?? Something that actually started on time?? Wow!

Not only had it started, but everyone was sitting at tables, like a board meeting. I thought perhaps I was in the wrong place! I didnt want to get close enough to the door to hear what they were saying because then I would be standing close enough for everyone to see. I was there for maybe all of 2 minutes, which felt like about an hour, trying to decide if I should creep up to the door or just turn around and walk out. I was very nearly ready to leave when a wonderful woman came and rescued me from the hallway. A tiny little woman.....which automatically made me panic because obviously I was in the wrong place. Everybody in the room looked relative normal....no fat people in there. I did NOT want to go in...

But sure enough, she recognized me from my picture here....even as she was talking I was thinking...what?? this cant be right....I must be in the wrong place. It felt like a dream where you cant make your body move fast enough to escape impending doom. So she went in and grabbed a seat right on the edge of the table so I wouldnt have to walk through the room, and I sat and listened.....fully figuring I was going to hear about last year's budget on the rec hall we were in and how the community centre needs a new garden or something....but no...they were talking about clothing exchanges and the hospital was looking for men's clothes, etc,

I looked around and everyone just looked so normal! I know that sounds weird and possibly offensive, but I guess I had expected maybe to find a few more people "like me"?? I still felt rather uncomfortable and this realization did not help...

We ended up going around the room to make introductions and I was impressed at the facilitator's structured approach. Very time and energy efficient which I like. Then it doesnt become a free-for-all!

Sure enough, a room full of post-ops and I was the ONLY pre-op. Yay! Another reason to stand out from the crowd!!

I heard some more stories about pastics and the intolerance that some people have to face...very rude!! Some people are horrible!

On the whole, I think maybe it was a great day. It was certainly a huge ordeal for me but I think it was good. The people were soo unbelievably nice and supportive of each other and very positive towards each other's accomplishments. I think I gave off a very 'unwelcoming' vibe and I ran out of there as fast as I could when it was over.

So I dont know. I have mixed feelings about it....but more about my own issues I guess than the group itself.

Again, I dont know.
Just a blah day I guess.

3 Comments