Weigh-in tonight!

Feb 03, 2011

I have my second week weigh-in tonight!   I pulled out all the stops…I dug out the lightest pair of pants I could find….which mind you, makes walking outside PRETTY chilly when its minus 20 out!!   While I was showering at the gym the other day, it briefly occurred to me that I could POTENTIALLY lose enough weight between now and surgery that I wouldn’t qualify anymore. I looked it up….you have to have a BMI more than 35, correct? Well….if I lose 43 lbs between now and surgery, then I will be below 35. Barely…but still. What will happen then?? I am pretty sure I am being overly optimistic seeing as how I lost 6.5lbs the first week. It will likely slow down to a crawl very shortly and then very likely stop altogether....but....there is that little voice nagging in the back of my head. "43 lbs is nothing!! You can do it!"

I am not going to stop trying to lose weight….or really stop gaining is what I am ACTUALLY trying to do. Losing weight, for the moment, is really just a bonus. I had not expected to lose 6.5lbs last week and don’t expect to lose more than 2lbs this week actually. I probably have AT LEAST 5 months still to wait for surgery, and that’s the BEST case scenario. Realistically probably longer, but what do I do? The last time I went to WW, it took me nearly a year to lose 40lbs. I don’t expect this time to be much different….but what if….what if it is? What if “this” is the time that I can actually do it myself and I really DON’T need surgery?? What then?? Are these doubts normal? Normal-ish??   I don’t want to sabotage myself and get all wrapped up in my brain and getting ‘blocked’ at a certain weight just because I am afraid I wont qualify for surgery anymore…..but on the other hand if I do make it that far and then don’t qualify for surgery, and then just start gaining again – like every other time in the past once the PCOS kicks in again-do I have to start the process all over again? I have lost and gained more times than I care to remember so what would make this time any different? What if they say…"no you are doing fine on your own so just keep it up…NEXT!!!!" .....Then 2 months later I turn around and start the upward climb again…..this time will likely see me get well up over the 300 mark   I don’t think anyone should ever be fearful of losing weight or let the thought of not needing surgery deter someone from losing weight….but now that the thought popped into my head all by itself, what do I do about it?
Feeling a bit like a crazy person....

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