Steps in the right direction

Jun 27, 2010

 So it has been a little bit. With school, husbands surgery and life in general i just do not have the time I would like to think out everything that I want to type. I have a youtube.com channel that I do vlogs and I find that easier to just go with the flow, if you want to friend me please do skiyalove is my user name. 

I officially have a date for surgery. It is set for August 12, at 8:00 in the morning. I think I am going to be the first or second patient of the day. I am so excited for that day to come. It seems so far away even though it is not. When I think about losing the weight I cannot imagine myself any smaller than what I am. I look on OH and see people who have lost 70-80 pounds in 4 or 5 months. I think that's awesome. If I were to apply that to me I would be at goal or almost there. 

Sometimes I think that I will be the only person that this surgery fails for. I know that it is very silly but since I cannot see myself smaller, then I see myself failing at this just like everything else. When I look at everyone else (especially those close to my size) and see their success.....I have no words. I want to be healthy again and young like how I am supposed to be. I will be having my 26Th birthday on July 25. I should still be doing the things that I love and having fun. Instead I lock myself away and avoid my friends. What I am doing is not living life to the fullest. I am just squeaking by. Maybe some of you know where I am coming from with all of this and can give me some encouraging words. Thank for reading and hopefully I can become friends with you here and on youtube. 


Nicole

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