soldiersxbabygirl
Facing your worst fear in the face . . .
Apr 05, 2012
And by that I mean regain. I always thought it wouldn't happen to me. That I was "immune" to it... and maybe for 6 years I was, but I couldn't sit back and eat like pure crap for over 2 years (or more) and not expect that it would catch up to me. One day I was happily weighing in at around 140/145 and wearing a size 6 (sometimes a 4). The next day, I am at 192 lbs and a 10 is so tight that I should probably buy a 12, but I refuse to. It's a slap in the face of reality if I ever got one... and above all else, it's a wake up call to get it straight.
In the past month to 6 weeks, I've gotten strict, and I do mean strict (though, I will allow myself a treat here and there if it's within calories so I won't go out and binge out of anger toward the diet). I'm now down 20 lbs to 171 and getting back into all of my 8's and a couple of 6's (perhaps they are stretched out?). The problem is I don't have many 8's or 10's in my wardrobe because I'd gotten rid of them when I got down to a 4/6. I wear the ones I kept and thankfully I kept some.
I am determined to be at 145 by my 8 year mark of when I had my surgery on August 3rd. I might never make it back into the 130's. I'm not killing myself to get there. I want to get to 145 and then I'll reevaluate. I am 34 now and not in my 20's anymore. I'm post-menopausal (yes, I actually am) and my body has changed. I know that my 4's fit at 145 so if my clothes in my closet fit, then I'll be tickled pink. Let's face it, I'm not in the greatest health, so I walk as I can, I watch what I eat, and I do what I can to get this weight off. What I'm doing is working. I'm not taking any shortcuts because there are none. I'm almost 8 years post-op now and that weight does not come off as easily the 2nd time around.
I am doing my best not to negative self-talk myself anymore over this regain. I've done it enough for a lifetime, believe me. I've wanted to blog about this for a long time, but I've been embarrassed to admit it. I finally realize I just need to come forward with it. I am not perfect and I made a lot of mistakes with my eating. I developed bad habits with my pregnancies that I kept up anyways and I thought I could out eat my surgery and it wouldn't catch up with me. I was very, very wrong. Bad eating habits + a ton of health problems and medications = a surefire combo for weight gain.
I got called wide, heavy, and a few other things at a previous job of mine in the past year. My self esteem isn't the highest. I have hidden from cameras for a while now, admittedly, but I will say that I am barely overweight according to the BMI and I am determined not to let people's words get to me anymore. I am above it and I will take off the last 23 lbs. I am back to OH for support, even if I am lurking a little.
Renae