sunflower74
Reality checking in?
Jul 21, 2008
I was debating on if I should post this here on on the board. At least on the board I am guaranteed some feedback, which I enjoy reading, but on the other hand, I have nothing posted in my blog so I need to start somewhere. So here goes it.... I think reality is checking in, hence the title of this blog. I visit the board regularly, post occasionally and review my materials for pre and post op information daily. This whole scenario has not seemed real. How could I, a person trapped in a fat body for so long, finally get the chance to be thin and healthy. This is something that I figured was always out of reach for me. My body seemed so content to hover around the same weight no matter what I did or tried. Now there is the very real chance that this will change. Scary and exciting. As the days close in on surgery day, my thinking has shifted. I once used to look at those skinny girls walking in the mall and think mean things, and now I look at them and laugh, because one day I will be a skinny girl. I no longer will have that fat girl vs, thin girl jealousy to deal with. The insecurities will fade as the weight falls and I will gradually return to the strong, proud woman I once was back in my college years. I know that part of me is still alive because occasionally I will feel a flicker of that flame that used to burn so brightly. The flame that I have gotten so close to extinguishing. Last night I finally had a dream about my surgery. It was so vivid and so positive that when I woke up I actually had to check my stomach for incisions just to make sure. I know this is the right step for me. I know I will face challenges from some of the demons that come with obesity, but this time around I am well armed and ready to win. Failure is NOT an option. In less than a month I will be given a second chance at life and I am ready to take it on. Yes, I am scared, practically crapping my pants, but I think fear in these situations is normal. The difference is, this time, I wont let fear hold me back.
About Me
Salem, NJ
Location
32.2
BMI
Surgery
03/09/2009
Surgery Date
Surgeon
Jun 23, 2008
Member Since
