Gretchen Goodword

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I am now at 203. I dropped down to 195 for a breif Time. I am embarressed and so mad at myself. Becouse I can stop smoking but can't seem to stop eating things I KNOW I shouldnt eat. That keeps me at the same weight for over a year now.......I don't take my vitamins like I should and I KNOW it will affect me negativly.....My best friend is like a size NOTHING.a.nd she had the surgery about the same time. ....I do not know whats wrong with me...I have avoided this website becouse of my failure and all the people that where on here going through it with me...are so successful I avoided having to tell them....IM NOT FOLLOWING THE rules and I dont know why. I say all this and you ask yourself well you know it so change it.......I will go into change with a determined sprit and somehow I end up right back where I started from.....I have the lowest Iron level 7, I eat GRAPE ice like seriouse and no exsageration 1 galion a day. Freeze it in ice cube trays and eat it like Im a mad women.That is like 1200 all bye itself. I dont drink anything...(remember when that was my biggest issue)..I couldnt STOP drinking with food) Now I cant bring myself to drink anything....if it isnt Ice I dont drink it. Aside from my 2 cups of coffee in the Am. I drink nothing. I still only can eat about 7-9 oz for dinner. and thats pushing it so i have managed NOT to stretch my pouch. But BOI do i make sure its not empty ALLLL DAMN DAY... I need help and I dont know where to start. I need to take care of myself befor my body says the hell with you. IM just going to shut it down.....and I say that and stillll don't know why I cant (DO RIGHT) I have had a Historectomy-Gallbaldder removal--Hemmroid Surgerys and I just keep making sure I add to it.....I don't know how to get back on track or even attempt to  I dont want to be a failure at this...I don't want to be fat again.

Well im feeling alot better. Im still off work due to the Hems. But  I feel 100%.
I have my appetite back and I have seen the nut. He says that its not to late to get back on track.
taking my vitamins correctly and getting in my protein.<------- really hard for me.
he wants me to do 3-4 oz of meat 3 times a day.....that sounds so easy to say but BOI am i having
a hard time getting it down. If it isnt steak I really have a hard time getting it down.
I cant do any milk and def sick of eggs...But im trying to figure it out

Decided that since I am off I would go to the chriopracter and get adjusted.. He told me that many
Beariatric patients have back problems becouse their center of gravitiy has changed so quickley it puts strein
on our back. it felt so gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood to crack the bones in my back and get a great deep message.

So i had to go to my trustees to ask for help with my rent. They denied me. WHAT??? I have never asked help for nothig
from any organization i was so upset that they wouldnt help m e. becouse everysingle dime of m y income tax didnt go to
bills. Most of it did and I never exspected to be out of work for a month back in January. You have to be dirt poor and absolutly nothing owned to get help. How can you hold somthing done in Jan against me when it was an emergancy lay off in March?? So im really mad about that. Thank God I have great friends and family who where willing to help me. it really pays to always keep your word and be honest  with people becouse they will be their for you in your time of need.  But I am ready to go back to work..

OK going to go eat some meat.....lolo

I know no matter what that I am blessed even with the issues me and my family are facing
I know it could be worse and we will get through this too. I will not complain or feel bad today about
my situation I will only pray for the person who has it worse then I that their situation will get better. And hopfully God wll
hear the prayer said for me today.


Love yall.

I WEIGHT 198 POUNDS TODAY......I SEEN THE FLICKER BUT UNTIL IT WAS ALL DAY i WOULDNT CLAIM IT.
I DONT THINK I HAVE WEIGHED UNDER 200 POUNDS SINCE HIGH SCHOOL pICTURES SOON.

i WENT AND SEEN KNOWING TODAY........LADYS GO SEE THIS AWSOME MOVIE.......

HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. I GO B ACK TO WORK TOMARROW. OFF FOR HEMMROIDS FOR 3 WEEKS + IT WAS THE WORST THING EVER.........IM GLAD IM ALMOST BACK TO NORMAL.

SEE YA

Still losing slowley but surley.
I cant belive I am down this far.
I am getting better at not drinking and eating.
still havent touched Soda  OR cigaretts.
I miss my sister had alot to tell her the other day. I wanted to pic up the phone.....I had no one to call.
I am having surgery tomarrow on my maximus glutius.....
I have had sever problems with Hemroids for 24 years. They finally just started bleeding and
wont stop. So they are having to go in and sutur them. Hopfully this time it works. becouse I have had them removed
3 times already.  Lazered, cut out, medication...nothing seems to work. Im not ready for the pain...but Im ready to finally just
stop being in agoney every time I use the bathroom.

Ok well take care everyone.

Jodi

Eating alot better.

Feeling better these days.

REALLY BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE......

 

Had the worst dumping episode ever today I actually had to leave work. WOW....i dont think
lactaid helps me. I need to work on not eating so fast and big bites.


Thank you for all the comments about my sister's passing I really appreciate all the thoughts.

Cigaretts Killed My Sister Today.....
It is truly an awful way to die..... She was 46

I know you hear this over and over but it never really ment much until I relized that the conversation that I had with my sister 2 weeks ago was going to be the last one. We laughed about life and chatted about our bad azz kids and we said I love you goodbye............................I watched her take her last breath of life at 5pm today. She was the only women who loved me my whole life no matter what, if you where hungery you knew at 11am every weekday she would have a hot meal on the stove welcome you in sit you down and feed you. You also knew that she would never judge you . I loved her with my whole heart.


I loved her and will miss her for the rest of my days.


Goodbye Sister

Pick up the phone and tell your family you love them.

Pray for my sister she was put on life support last week and they are saying she probably wont come home.

The only women who loved me my whole life.

I stopped getting on the scale.....lol. I am still losing.
so I am happy. Its slower then most but Im still losing.
I still am amazed at the transformation that I am going through.
My best friend Mary is down 10 months and 100 pounds  and finally got pregnunt.
Good for her. She deserves and has waited for so long. I lub her.

I crossed my legs the other day....but it wasnt a natural cross it was still kinda forced....wink! so I wont
take credit yet.

Have a wonderful day good people.