Takerslove

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Today was my one year visit and everything went well. I am high on my b12 so I have to only take it every other day. Everything else for blood work was fine. I am eatting a little below adverage and need to focus on getting up to 1000 cals to 1200 cals. The doctor talked to me about getting plastic surgery in about 6 months. So, i am going to focus really hard on more gym time and getting all the calories that i need in. I will most likely start the process to getting the lose skin taken care of even tho it doesn't really bug me. I can notice the lose skin in some t-shirts and when i put on jeans, but if i wear a binder i really don't notice it. So, i guess with that i am up in the air about it. For once i didn't leave that office upset about getting the surgery done!

So a little update on me. I been having spells of vomiting for a few days then good for a while. I will never get use to this vomiting so hard that i look like i have freckles on my face the next day.

Also i think i am almost about done with my monthly nut classes. I am running about 3-4 miles a day and now she is telling me that i need to eat more (1000-1200 cals) then the 600-700 cals i have every day. I am scared about this... what if i gain the weight back? Should i really be forcing my self to eat that much?

I am into a Large tops! I also bought spanxs they are worth it. It makes me so tight and nice! I love them... worth the money i think.

This weekend I made it a plan to clean out my closet and get rid of some of my old bigger clothing to give to good will. I ended up with 6 bags for them. There was a lot of memories I also threw out since I have not been through my clothing since before I left my ex (over 4 years ago). As I continued on my way to try to make things better for me. I began to think a lot of about where I am now and if I will ever get to where I want to be (married and settled down). I know it is a lot to think about for a 26 year old, but I don't want to end up 30 and not married. I guess the clothing clean out was just the beginning to help me clean up my world around me.... did anyone else go through this?

Today I went for my 4 month post op appointment. I was nervous since I started to have dizzy spells and noticed some hair lost. I thought I would see my nutritionist today and the doctor, but I only seen the doctor. Which was okay with me since the nutritionist really messes me up every time I see her. So, we went over my lab work and everything was great. Which made me happy since it took a lot of relief off of me. The doctor was very happy that I didn't look like a RNY patient that I look healthy and not showing any signs of RNY surgery (ie the Zombie eyes). So since I am eating better and more the doctor doesn't want to see me until my year which sort of scares me. By that time I should look like a whole new person. We talked about what my goal weight should be. I picked 150lbs would make me happy. He picked 150-170lbs or even a lean 180lbs which was not so happy with since I weight in today about 225.8lbs. I just didn't think that that would be enough weight lost for me. It would still put me as obesity on the BMI scale, but then he talked about how I should judge it on how I feel not on the number even tho the whole world goes on numbers. So, the doctor wants me to stop weighing my self every week and go with every other so I see more of a lost instead of a 1-2lbs lost. I am not so sure how things are going to go from here. I am taking it that things can only get better.

 

So that is what happen so far. Lets hope I don't have to go see the doctor before hand, but we will see.
 

Today I had my follow up from my EGD. I am still on the Reglan and now the Dr is telling me it is time to catch up. He thinks now is when i should feel like I was suppose to on the 6 weeks of recovering right after words. I am very tried and can fall asleep once i get comfortable almost anywhere. I am still pushing the gym and shake weights at home. Dr also says no left over meal and no dry meat. So, we will see how this goes.

Next time I see him will be my 3 month check up with lab work.

So, today I did my EGD. I was a mess. I first I get in there waited over and hour to get back there. Then they start and IV on my left wrist which the Nurse give me a nice hematoma that started to bleed out once she left. I had blood pooled in my hand and on the floor by the end of that mess. Then I was suppose to be in the OR by noon and of course the Dr is late and they had to call him (the surgery center is only 3 floor from his office). So I get into and the whole thing was quick and easy. I just had a sort throat, and tried afterwords.

But anyways my results is nothing is wrong with me. There is no ulcer. So, he doesn't know what is wrong with me. Now I had a lot of hope that this would tell me why I have been vomiting so much (now I just vomited last night so my whole face is red). Both Marco and the Dr knew when he was going to tell me that I was going to be upset. The doctor things that my body is just taking long with all the problems it has had in the past with a lot of medication and tons of surgery.

My family is telling me that is good news that I should be happy! I am upset and frustrated that I am vomiting every night yet. I want answers and there is no answers to be given. Now I have to wait another 3 weeks to even see this Dr again and that is just a follow up to this EGD thing and then my 3 months in May * sigh * it feels like normal food is out of reach again!

So, I went to go see the Dr which was a event on my own since after all i didn't want to go. i went and the Dr wants to do and EGD which made me cry since i am so tried of being poked at and look at weird. Dr thinks that I have Ulcers or stomal stenosis.  So i have to go get the test done on April 7th.

I am worried that i might not get off of work. My boss is having issues leaving people out of work. I have the paid time off so that isn't really the issues.

This is just another hoop to jump, hopefully its an easy one.

Well nothing much is happening. I went to the WLC meeting which was a bust since they tried to shut me up when I said I didn't like this new "tool" that I have now. 

I also keep vomiting and now its 3-4 times a week. I am hating calling the dr office all they keep telling me is to come in speak to the dr then make another appointment so that i can get scope (that is two seperate appointments so i am losing more time at work). This place seams to have nothing together and i am getting tried of no answers. OH and you want to hear the good part i am now starting to GAIN weight back! can you believe that! I am fuming i am crying its all over the place again.

Work is not happy with me wanting to just leave early so i can go to the dr's appointment about this vomiting. Its crazy. they are not helpfull at all when it comes to me needing to eat 'snacks' through out the day and getting my water in now they are not wanting me to leave. I am just trying to get things right.

It seams after this surgery my life has been going downhill. Why bother going to the guy 3-4 times a week it doesn't matter i will just GAIN weight back. UGH! I am not happy at all.

So, I got to go back to work in about a week. I am thinking about what i am suppose to do about getting water in (they do not allow drinks at the station) and also what i am going to eat for lunch. I get a 45 mins break, but if i rush i hurt soo much. I am thinking that i need to do all my drinking when i am at work or lunch. Which would allow me to take my time at home eating breakfast and dinner. I am sure in time things will change I am sure. *sigh* things bound to get better.

Today was a lot of first for me.

I went to the Dr's for my post op and be cleared to get back to work (which I can't till March 14^th). First the NUT which was crazy asking me how did the first month go making me already in tears before I even get to the office. Then she tells me that everything is okay and I am eating more then what I think. She also said that I need to just take the diet slow and if I am not on track (like if I need to take the pureed a bit longer instead of moving to soft that) that is fine. I don't think it is since I am a very it has to be like this and this by this time.

So, I am already upset and she puts me in the waiting room and have me just waiting and I was crying. I mean balling in the room Marco having his arm around me as I continue to say I hate this surgery this was horrible why did it do it. Don't worry they made sure they left the other two people sit there long enough to know what I was talking about. Marco kept trying to point out that the girl was nice and was seam to know what she is talking about... not like the other one they have there. It didn't matter to me I felt like shit.

Finally they pull me in for the doctor and of course more questions that make me cry and upset. I finally see the doctor and he says that I am doing great he is happy with me and so on and so on. I tell him your menu says I should be eating ½ cup and I am not eating that much and I feel like I am forcing food down because I don't meet his standers. He tells me it is the program fault that I am trying to follow the rules, but the rules should be used as a guide not to take them word for word. Then he talks about the pain I have in the breast bone area. He says that it could be that I am swollen and that in time it will just go away, but I have to remember to chew a lot and make sure when I am full that I call it quits and not get upset. He keeps pointing out that everything I feel is NORMAL and that 3 months down the line things will be better and I will sing a different tune when I come back in here. I personally think he is nuts himself at this point.

I was pretty proud of my self that I honestly told the doctor what is on my mind and that I am honestly having issues. Do I think he is going to listen to me? Not really... but what can I say at least I spoke up. He even kept telling me down the hall I am fine that I am doing good. Maybe I am just not good at my standers since I am always harder on my self.

Tonight for dinner I had some hard boil egg salad with ham and light mayo. Normally the egg and mayo go well with me so added some ham I thought it would be okay since after all it is all pureed yet. Nope about 1 ½ hours later I vomiting the first time I have done in years. I was crying and saying how much I hate this surgery and its sucks. My father stood there watching me, but did little to calm my tears down.

Needless to say I am not feeling well at all right now and still have to take my night time medication. Yikes!