snow bound! 8 days till 6 months post-op

Feb 10, 2010

Well its been awhile since i posted but with all this snow i have time to. shoveling is a great work out and im not feeling horrible like i used to before surgery when i did it.

so here it goes my venting!! sorry!

Ive been so afraid im not doing something right that i need to be smaller than a 14.. i lost tons of wt {didnt weight myself since 12/27} more than 100 since my highest wt. and i feel that 100lbs= a smaller than 14 size.

i dont see it. i do but i dont.. my mom acts shocked everytime she sees me.. (the only person who does).. is losing weight around people who know you taboo? something not to be spoken of?my step sister have leukimia and stated to my step dad that if people bring up how i lost weight she hates it because of what shes dealing with??..
hmm...

the clothing number thing is killing me
the hair loss is killing me
losing my butt is killing me i feel like i have a flat a** now. my O.N. 14s have so much room in the butt
losing my BOOBS is killing me
the extra skin is killing me!!! (ugh my arms my legs my neck my tummy & my back its icky to me!)

being worried about everything is killing me! ---protein, water, vitamins, making sure i dont get prego. just to name the basics
and some guy hitting on mejust last week and saying he likes to be with chubby girls cuz hes a chubby chaser! GRR that moment sucked...

hmm..
dieing to know if im doing the same as friends/not so friends! did they lose the same amount and wear this size?
GRRRR! i need to stop thinking i want to be a single digit size and think about me losing all of this!!!!
How i CAN NOT remember being under 200lbs~~( only the day i became 200) that losing the weight is amazing!

that i look not just okay, but GREAT!
i need my mind to catch up i think?
and i need to see dr. brader for my 6 months and hear what he has to say about my progress and maybe talk to kristin about the eating and all my worries/concerns  ( ive had cheese curls! =X bad bad bad habit) that i worry that i eat to much i should be eating like i was 5 months ago.. teeny tiny amounts..granted i dont eat anywhere near what i used to pre op.. what would be 1 whole meal back then is now one whole days worth now. if that...

okay i promised myself i wouldnt ramble to long and end with a postive note. so since i listed tons of hates ill list some likes!? good enough right??

i love my collar bone ,it exsists!
my thinner face, legs,& body in general
to not be in the plus size department!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
loving ON(oldnavy)
to have people notice me..that im not invisable(kinda bothers me too)
to wear not just smaller cltohing sizes but also shoe size, ring size, glasses etc
to feel great sitting with my legs crossed!
shaving is easier and painting toenails too!
having more energy in general!!

sorry to bore u all if theres anyone who still reads my blog, not to sure if any of u do..
BUT if you do please leave a comment or send me a msg!..it would be great to connect with you again!

 till next time

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