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 Wow!  After a whooping three week stall I have reached my second mini goal of 270lbs.   I am pleased with what I have accomplished in such a short time!   When my referral went in and I learned that I was out of Dr. Pace’s current BMI range my first thought was I can wait.   Then I thought – there is power inside me to change this.  I have lost weight in the past I can do it again.  So here I am, with a much lower BMI than the 53 I started with.   My secret?  I journal everything.  If I taste a sauce when I am cooking I write it.   All those bites, licks and tastes really add up.   If I have a bad day or a bad week, I can see where I went wrong.   The stall was hard to push through.  I became very discourage and often had thoughts that if I can’t lose weight I might as well eat.  I did a little – which I am sure made the stall a little longer again.  But I can see the light, I know that sometime next year I will have a tool that will help me.  That thought gives me the boost I need to soldier on.

Funny story to share.  I went to visit a friend this week.  I stepped out of the car and my pants slipped – not all the way but enough to catch in my shoe...down I went – flat to the drive way.   My friend was in her window, she did not see me fall – just noticed that I suddenly disappeared.  Then my husband thought I was hiding.  Could I get up?  No?  Was I hurt?  I just had a tiny scrape on my knee and hand.  So what was the problem?   I was laughing.  So hard that I could not breathe or even make a sound.  It was, oddly enough, a silent laugh that shook my entire body.   Did I find it funny?  No not then.  I was ecstatic!   The fact that I fell did not really register.  I was giddy with the thought that my pants just started to fall off!  Ahh...the work is paying off.   I can keep going until my meeting with the surgeon on January 24.  I can do this.  Not sure how much time will pass before I will have my surgery – but I will continue with my struggles around food.   Christmas scares me...so if you have any tips I would love to hear them!!!!

 

My next mini goal –I want to weight 257 before I meet with the Dr. Pace on January 24.  That would be a whopping 50 lbs lost!   Thank goodness for mini goals.   I love when my ticker says goal reached!  It gives me something to celebrate.  Now what should my reward be...maybe a trip to chapters in store!  

 Well I started this journey and new way of life on September 24 - and I have followed every step to the letter.  I journalled and and I exercised.   As of yesterday morning I was down 35.2 pounds.  It has become my quest to lower my BMI and make myself healthier while waiting for my surgery.  I did a damn good job.   


That is until yesterday... I went to an Epicure party and met my kryptonite...CHEESE.  oh the dips, they are so good and there was a new one I just had to try for Christmas...how could I not????   ONE bite, I could handle one bite.  And I did.  Very well.   But I was extremely good at the other 40-50 bites too.  No exaggeration there...I must have eaten what amounted to a whole block of cream cheese and goodness only knows how many crackers and chips and bread to go with it.   Bad day? This was more than a bad day. |Some people do not eat that many calories in a bad week!!!!   I was (and still am) very mad at myself and made up my mind that it was a new start.  And onwards and downwards (on the scale) from here.  

But then..in the evening I went to play cards and there was chocolate.  I like chocolate but I don't usually crave it.  But then this idea kept ringing in my head - the day is already gone to pot...have the chocolate.  Start over tomorrow. I listened to that voice.  I have not heard it in weeks and took it in like a  welcomed friend.   But I woke this morning groggy and gross from my sugar over load.  Felt like I had a hangover and remembered, albeit, too late that the voice was not my friend.  Not even close.

I am still mad at myself, I am down right pissed.  Why could I not just stop at one or two bites.   AHHHH.   It has reconfirmed why I need another tool to help me with this battle with obesity.     I need it because I have not been able to do it on my own.  I am regrouping.  I am still not quite done with the mad at myself part but I will get there.  

In the meantime, my loseit journal for this week has started on the right foot a good healthy breakfast was on the menu.   I recorded everything I ate yesterday.  And when I am tempted again I will go back and look that that long, long red line of over my daily budget calories on November 13 and use it to help silence that nagging voice encouraging me to eat what I do not need. 

Off to the treadmill with the hopes that next Sunday's weigh in does not punish me too bad.   I will walk a little more this week, I will look back and remember but I will do all I can to let go of the regret.  After all if we do not remember our mistakes we are bound to keep repeating them.  Regret is the useless part.

A bad day has ended and a good day has started - That is, I guess, as good as it gets.

Trina

PS  I did place an order :-)

Time is flying!  I counting today, I only have 4 days of my liquid diet left!    What has it been like?  Actually not bad – I love to cook and experiment in the kitchen.  I actually love my soups.  Especially my curried butternut squash soup – that I thicken, upon serving, with two tablespoons of greek yogurt!  YUM!   And my homemade cream of broccoli and then my cauliflower soups.  Oh my!  So good.  Now one of my soups was an epic fail.  LOL  I made a mixed vegetable soup with a bag of stir fry vegetables.   I am not sure what when wrong or when it all went bad.  But even my boxer (who eats everything) backed away from her food when I poured some on it.  Oopsie!   LOL.

Over the last 10 days I have gone to McDonalds, Smitty’s, Wendys, Press and Bean and a gala fundraiser (that I organized).  At McDonalds and Wendy’s I bought a glucerna(diabetic shake) with me.  And it was good.  I did not agonize over what the others were eating.  I focused on the company and the conversation.  It was okay.     I went to Press and Bean with a good friend and support of my fundraising work.  It was not hard to find a meal to eat there.  They had a really nice creamed vegetable soup – it was made with Cream so they thinned mine with a little broth and I ate about ½ the serving.   I was satisified – not full- when I stopped.  That is a feeling I am slowly getting used to...

The Gala – the hardest liquid diet day by far – I had ordered stuffed Cornish hens- a wonderful chocolate mousse an could not have a taste.  The wonderful staff at Glendenning did make me a homemade beef broth, which was delicious.  But it was NOT Cornish hen with wild rice stuffing.  Chicken is my favourite food.  I wanted it.  I left my table pretending there was a matter for the organizer to attend to..I wandered until the plates were cleared.   I did okay but I struggled this night.   I wanted the bird like there was no tomorrow.  I would have gotten up on the stage and did the chicken dance to have one.   I was tempted but I did not think that it would help plead my case with Raleen and Rhoda.   I knew it would also slow the shrinking of the liver.   See these were no ordinary Cornish hens....the emcee referred to them as Cornish turkeys.  Oh my not even a taste....  Guess what I am making myself when this diet is over...LOL

For the most part – I am focusing on the foods I can have.  I always try to focus on the positive it is what keeps me going.   My soups are good, the protein pudding recipe is good,  my shakes are good.   I have to find the low calorie Tropicana – I now have a recipe for a creamsicle shake- I really want to try it.  I will just a small bit at first to see what it does to my sugars.

I feel my liquid diet has been a huge success.   I was my personal challenge to incorporate this in my life.  My life is busy, hetic, full of meetings and temptations.  If I am going to succeed I can’t hide away during this time.  I need to look temptation in the face and say “SCREW YOU”  I actually do say that (well not always out loud) and it helps.  Looking at my friends angus beef burger and saying SCREW YOU to the burger felt good and made me smile.  Now I can say that out loud to my friends...at the gala not so much.

What are my tips for the liquid diet

1)      Plan – plan your meals, plan your snack.

2)      Make your own soups – so easy, hardly any time and so MUCH better than anything out of a box

3)      Search recipes for your shakes...who says that you have to have the same shake all the time

4)      Unflavoured protein powder is versatile – I put it in my soups, jello, puddings.  There are so many different ways to get your protein in!

5)      Track your foods.  Make sure you are getting enough and not too much protein (I taking in too much at first and had to regroup a little)

6)      Ricotta and cottage cheese really help mix things up! 

 

One thing I have  not checked on and I must – I want to know if Kozy Shack sugar free tapioca pudding can be eaten in the liquid diet phases.   I hope the answer is yes.

My solid meal for after the two week diet – skinless chicken, brussell sprouts, and broccoli with some swiss cheese melted over the veggies.   I am a geek I know.  But this is what I WANT!

And so far on my liquid diet I have lost over 13 lbs and 4 days to go!  That is a whopping total of 30.6 pounds gone in the last 5 weeks!    Tracking  and walking are my secrets to success!!!  I also have a fierce determination to take my life back, becoming healthy and move on.   I see surgery as a tool to achieve that - not the be all and end all solution.  I guess that right now I see  myself as an apprentice, a student - studying hard and learning all I can about what life will be like.   I know I have to work my sleeve (when I get it) it will not be able to do the work it on its own.  Just like a  hammer is useless unless you use it right so is a sleeve.  So it is my goal to learn as much as I can in these two weeks, to live as normal as possible and learn techinques that will help ensure my success.  And more importantly - a long, healthy life!

 

Just a quick blog tonight - first of all I am down to 280.6!  Can't believe it I am doing great!  First week the liquid diet is done.  I found the last to days the hardest.  I want to chew!  LOL.    


Now for those of you who were wondering what the process of getting WLS in NL is.  I am posting my understanding of the process:

 

1) Your referral from your family Dr.  goes in
2) The referral list is manage by Raleen Murphy who is the nurse practitioner for the program.  
3) Ralene and Rhoda (the dietician) schedule informatoin session.  These are mandatory and necessary to move further in the process.  I believe the next one is in January 2012
4) After this info session,  based on a your medical history,  Raleen will schedule for an individual appointment with her and Rhoda.   You will need to complete I two week liquid diet prior to that.   I start mine this morning - I will let you know how it goes! You WILL have to JOURNAL this trial.
5) Once this appointment is complete you will meet with Dr. Pace or Dr, Boone.  Then your surgery is scheduled
6) Right now Dr. Pace is operating on patients with lower BMI's (in the low to mid 40's right now I think) - this is a new procedure here in and of course the lower the BMI the less risk involved and a lower chance of complications   This is a good thing the team - the better the results of the surgeries the better the chances of long term funding for the entire baractric team.  Good for us ALL.  I am not sure when this will change.
5) Dr. Pace as you probabye know is doing VSG only- which, for me is perfect, after all my research it is my surgery of choice.
7) The BMI range for surgery is 40 - 60,.  If you fall into the 35-40 range you may still be a candidate if you have comorbidities such as diabetes, high blood pressure and so on.
8) If you are over 60 BMI do no lose hope.  Ralene and Rhoda are fantastic will offer much support to you on your journey to get below that BMI.  There is now a phyisotherapist who helps those who have been refered start an exercise and walking program!


There is great support for this program!  Congratulations on taking the first step.  For me it was the hardest!   

Well its hard to believe that October 20^th is here already.  Only two months until Christmas folks!   It has been a very busy time for me.   Work has kept me busy weekends and all, helped a friend through a rough time, volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sister, and keeping (house keeping that is) my own house.  I am starting to feel it today and I am really looking forward to a relaxing Saturday!

I am also happy to report that I am now down 20.6 lbs!  My BMI is now at 49.2 – Below the 50 mark finally!   I hope I can keep on this trend.  I feel great, I am regulating my sugars and I am more active.  My husband is more supportive in my efforts now.  He is reading more about weight loss – he even makes my morning protein shake while I move to “Walk Away the Pounds.”  I am grateful for this.

I have learned that I can get through very stressful situations without eating my way through them.  I hope all of you will remind me of this if I forget. 

I have also been to the information session on VSG delivered by Raleen and Rhoda.  It was very well planned and informative.  So now I wait.  In the meantime – I have started my two week trial liquid diet.  On day two right now.  I found yesterday a little hard.  Today is going pretty good.   I love the protein shakes.  I mean I love them.   I have soup, fat free sugar free pudding, greek yogurt, apple sauce, ricotta cheese.  These are all things I really enjoy.  The hardest part – I have two people staying with us and I cook for them and my husband (me too prior to liquid diet) and not tasting while I am cooking. Yah...it is really hard.  And it has only been one night!  But I can this.  Not only am I going to complete these two weeks.  I am going to own them!!!  Today I went to Wendy’s with friends.  I ate apple sauce (I brought my own with me) and over the conversation I did not even notice them eat.  I hope this a sign that I am getting over my fixation on food.  I enjoy food – but I want to have less and enjoy it more.  Does that make sense?

I am walking more too.  It is hard to find time but I do it.  Everyday.  If I can’t get outside I use a DVD called “Walk Away the Pounds”.  I love it.  It works very well for me!   There is one thing I wish I could change.  I am completely obsessed with my scale.  I weigh myself at least twice a day.  I have never been like this before – I could always wait for my weekly weigh in.  Now its the first thing (well second...I pee first) I do in the morning and the last thing I do before I go to bed.   I guess I have learned that on average I am 2.6 pounds heavier at night.  I have tried putting it away, taking the battery out..nothing works.  I am obsessed with my scale!

 That’s it.  My update is complete.   Oh no one more thing – I now have a pair of pants that I can pull up and down without unbuttoning.  That feels great!

So yesterday was a  hard day.  We had to give up a dog we rescued - he is well loved and integrated himself into our family but he has behavioural and emotional issues (don't we all) that can't be addressed by our busy schedule.  I wish it was a schedule we could adjust but  we can't.  It is work.  Work pays the bills and it especially pays the mortgage.  But i digress - I am an emotional eater.  Last night I wanted to rip into the chips and Halloween candy.  And the cheese.  I wanted cheese like I never wanted cheese before.   I opened the fridge.   I opened the fridge and I looked at it - all orange and then I pictured it taunting me.  Make a grilled cheese.  Oh why don't you just cut off a slice.  EAT ME SEYMOUR.  I mean this cheese was pretty relentless.  I closed the door. Then I opened again grabbed a couple of strawberries and I  went to my laptop and looked at success stories.  I did not cave.  I did not have the chips or the candy.    Go Me!

I am not saying that I am not going to treat myself - I will. But it will be planned and hopefully not a response to  a situation.   I want to lose this weight.  I want to be healthy.   I actually want to hike on the east coast trail.  And between us all I have a secret desire to run the Telly 10.  Right now I am only walking in 15 minute intervals.  But I will before I am 40 start and finish the Telly 10.  For now - I like to walk...slowly but I am walking!  I try to do it twice a day so I can have my 30 minute of exercise each day.

That's it .  Its Monday, its raining, it was an emotional weekend but I am happy.  Because I worked through (did not eat through) my emotions and I walked!  Happy Monday everyone.

October 1, 2011
 
I have been over weight for pretty much my whole life.   There are some pictures of healthy weight toddler me but once I started school the weight gain began - freshmen 10?  I had kindergarten 10!.  By the time I was in elementary I was overweigh and the weight keep going on.    In December 2009 I reached my highest weight of 325lbs and I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes - Merry Christmas.   I decided I was taking my life back- my gall bladder came our in January and I was down 10 lbs - not bad considering I also went through Christmas!  That June I also had reached 264 pounds - on my own steam.  I felt great! Then I am not sure what happened - BBQ season, a few weddings, some good ol`Newfie celebrations with food, drinks and food.   Also in June of 2011 I was diagnosed with a Fatty Liver - a bad case.  And there is only one way to fix it - weight loss.  If I don`t permanent damage could very possibly occur.  And of course the only way to fix that - Transplant.  Actually the doctor I have to thank for finding this is Dr. Pace - he found while he took my gall bladder!  Though I did not understand the extent or the meaning of the fatty liver until I met with a specialist  June 2010.

I don`t know what happened then - did that news scare me so much I jumped of the weight loss track, did it just simply demotivate me.  I stopped the gym, food became my comfort again.  But I am going to tell you something, and I think as I write this it is the first time I am saying it too myself.   The gym and going for a walk does so much more to help you feel better.   But I guess that is why we can`t stop eating when we do it for comfort - it does not help, we think it should, so we eat more.  Hmmmm...I will have to keep reminding myself of this.  Well before I knew it was September 2011 and I was back up to 307 lbs.  When I realized that I had to stop! What in the world was I doing to myself???  Would it be weight watchers again, TOPS, what?   I actually went back to a free iphone app that guided me through my big 2010 weight loss - Loseit!   So now in less than two weeks I am down 9.2 lbs.  It is a start.  

Over the years I often thought of weight loss surgery but it seem so final so drastic.  Then I though..well over 40% of people with type II diabetes will develop Chronic Kidney Disease...hmmmm.  I already am facing a condition that could lead to liver failure if not taken in hand, blood pressure is going towards high normal...  Kidney disease leads to dialysis leads to transplant.  Do I really want another persons liver and kidneys.   Ahhhh... NOOOO and I have the power to stop it!    So I thought to myself...do you want to be drastic - at the rate I am going death by 40 is not that far out there.  Retirement - Forget I would never make it.     What is more drastic - being dead or being able to eat less.   Eating less - is winning.   I know I may sound like I am being over the top.  But seriously - 36 with Type II and fatty liver problems.  It not good people.  It is not a path I want to be on.  I am taking back my life and one of the tools I can do this with is VSG!

In early September I met with my family Doctor and she was very open to sending in a referral.  Except for my husband she was the first person I spoke to about this.  I was terrified to ask. For the first time in my life I was afraid of what a person's reaction was going to be.   I usually do not care what people say or think.  I pretty much go through life with the beating my own drum( in case your are wondering there is not a bit of rhythm to go with it ).  

Just a few days after my referral was sent in I had a call from Raleen Murphy the nursing practitioner for the new program here in Newfoundland.  She seems wonderful.  She explained the process and that because it is a new program and Dr. Pace is new to this particular surgery - lower risk (which means lower BMI's) would be done first.  This makes complete and total sense to me!  It will have better success rates to help the bariatric team advocate for continued and (dare I say) increased funding.

I am a little outside the range that is being done now.  But I have a plan.  By Dec 2 of this year (maybe a little sooner) I will be in the right range.  Can I do this..for sure I have done it before.  I have no trouble losing...I have trouble keeping it off and losing enough.  This surgery is a tool, one I want and one I want to learn to use well.  Maybe some of you are wondering why Dec 2???  Well..the lose it app that I mentioned tells me so.  It tells me how many calories to I can eat, allows me to track my food (and even protein), and based on my plan to lose 2lbs a week - it told me I will be at goal by Dec 2.  Now I am a big girl -so weight comes off faster at first..so maybe by sometime in November I will have that first 30 lbs gone.

A little earlier I mentioned that it was hard to tell people...so you start off with tests.  I think you start with someone you know is going to say good for you.  Go for it!  That is what I did and it worked - I told a good friend of mine. She was great!  Thanks N.  Then I told my sister-in-law.  It was another good move.   Today I met Jenn.  Who is also on the boards....it was a great experience. I have the opportunity to buy some fantastic and I mean FANTASTIC clothes that she has shrunk out of.  Some fit now...and some I will shrink into.  By the way Jenn...that black dress will be on me for my husbands Christmas dinner (loseit tells me so).   I LOVE IT.  Speaking with Jenn, even though it was brief, affirmed my decision.  Then I decided I was going to tell Mom.  Now this is the person I knew would be dead set against it.  Who would say just lose weight the "old fashioned" way.   But I had to get over this hurdle and move on and hope for gradual acceptance.    Imagine my shock when she said "do what you need to do"  and what type of surgery are you considering and what does it mean.  So I told the basics I knew and that there are quite a few ahead of me.  And she said keep losing weight to make it safer.  Who is this woman and where is my Mother?!?   God bless and shame on me for doubting her.   I know she has always been over protective of me and it never occurred that she would see this the same way I do.


Anyway - right now I am eating low glycemic, plugging into Loseit and trying to move more.  It is working.  I am determined.  I am taking back my life and my health. I am doing this for me.  These are my baby steps.  I know I will stumble and fall but I am hoping that I always remember to get back up again.