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Hey gang!

This has been a whirlwind week with all kinds of highs and lows!  Let's start with Monday -
I had my visit with Amber - she's a hoot by the way!  Of course the main thing that I knew would be a problem for me is going to be a problem for me - LIQUID INTAKE!!!  I'm wired a little differently - I can wake up in the morning (6:00am) and not drink anything until 11:30, 12:00, 1:00., etc.  I can distinctly remember one day not drinking anything until about 3pm.  when I went to see Amber at 3:30, I had consumed 1/2 a cup of tea with breakfast, and was working on a 16oz bottle of water when I went to her office - only about 1/2 of it was gone.     Not drinking while I eat - not going to be a problem.....drinking throughout the day.....BIG problem...  Time to start working on it now.  I told you she was going to bury Free Eating for me.  She did, to the tune of 1200 cal/day.  I hadn't had a chance to go to the grocery store this week so I haven't started this yet.  I will be starting on Monday so that when I go to my first clinic visit on 4/10 I would have been on the 1200 cal plan for a full two weeks.  All in all it was a good visit!
Tuesday - 
Fuzz referred me to the sleep clinic to determine if I suffered with sleep apnea.  Well Tuesday night was the absolutely longest and most miserable night of my entire life!!!!!  Worse than when I had my first urinary tract infection!  And if you've ever had Fire in the Hole and peed razor blades- you know that's a bad night!  I show up and they take me back to tell me how things are going to go down.  Down being the operative word.  I sat on the bed, which the technician said I was in the Heaven Suite - well the bed felt like I was on an elevator to hell!  That thing sunk down so bad it was ridiculous.  Let's just say I love a FIRM mattress - I already saw problem number 1.  Problem # 2 was my sleep attire.  I don't sleep in pajama bottoms.  I can't sleep in bottoms other than my underwear.  Well I also spend a lot of time not under the covers so I didn't feel comfortable wearing my leopard print night gown knowing that as soon as I got in the bed I would hike it above my hips and then the techs would see my undies when I threw the covers off of me.  (Side note- why do they even make plus size gowns in animal prints....like people really need/want to see that coming at them... but I digress).  So I wore my men's lounge pants that I take when I travel.  I'm wired up and the tech is putting me in the bed at 10:00.....TEN O'CLOCK!  
I don't get in the bed before 11 or 11:30.  Problem # 3 which was quickly followed by problems 4 & 5.  I can NOT sleep in complete silence - I have to have the TV on and I set the timer on it so that it doesn't stay on all night, although, it doesn't bother me if it does.  I told the tech this and she said it couldn't stay on all night but she could set the timer I said great and watched her set the timer for ONE HOUR!!!! Which means that B(!$C& would be turning off at 11pm.  Remember 11 is normally when I'm thinking about getting in the bed!!! That was problem # 4.  Problem # 5 came when she told me I couldn't sleep on my stomach!  I'm thinking "I am going to be the first person to die in the sleep lab from sheer misery"  - no TV, pajama bottoms getting on my nerves, sleeping on a marshmallow - on my back in complete silence.  I began to look back on my life and wonder what I had done to anger Karma so fiercely!  Well at 10:59 the reminder pops up on the TV that it would going off in 1 minute. Let me back up a second - their remote controls have no buttons that will allow you to setup the sleep timer, it has to be done on the actual TV.  I'm wired, their watching me so of course I can't get out of bed and go up to the TV.   I am an electronics genius when it comes to figuring out some things and setting up things - i grabbed the remote and hit the channel button - JACKPOT!!! The timer changed so I set that monkey for 30 more minutes and turned to Cartoon network so I could go to sleep to Family Guy like I do at home.  Well as soon as i'm drifiting off to lala land - complete silence....the 30 minutes is up and the TV has turned itself off!  I'm devastated b/c now I am fully awake.  I toss and I turn, and I fight with the 45 wires coming off of my body.  My pjs are riding up into special places and i have the loudest pillows on my bed!!!  Their in pillowcases but the actual pillows themselves are rustly like they're in paper or something.  PAIN, DESPAIR, AND AGONY OVER ME.  A DEEP DARK DEPRESSION 'CUZ I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP.    I'm trying to obey and lay either on my side or my back but after tossing and turning for i don't know how long i finally make my way onto my stomach......Just as I'm settling in and about to fall asleep.....here comes the tech over the intercom - "You can not lay on your stomach"  I wanted to break down and cry!!!!  I had to get up twice to pee and fight all over again.  I don't think i sleep more than 30 minutes per hour.  I finally got up at 5:10 and was so glad the night was over!  I haven't gotten my results back yet, but they'll probably say I have insomnia!!!   So I go to work exhausted!  To add insult to injury my best male friend ever (has been for the past 2 years) was told that he didn't have to work out his resignation notice and could prepare to leave on Wednesday.  Being who he his he said he'd be gone in 5 minutes.  I couldn't handle it!!! A few tears fell while at work but on the way home...... Let's just say the Oscar for the best crying scene goes to ......ME!!! 
Then on Thursday (this is bad...but it was so good!!!!)  We had our Employee Appreciation Dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse in Greensboro!  OMG!!! They rented out the restaurant for us that night, flew in an authentic New Orleans Brass Band that played all night long, greeted us with waiters carrying platters of mini lumpmeat crab cakes, the biggest shrimp on a fork I've ever seen, and some kind of crawfish thingie!!! A fruit and cheese table!  All of this before our dinner which consisted of salad, bread, garlic mashed potatoes, mushrooms and choice of filet, Stuffed Chicken or Salmon!!!   whew!  glad I decided to wait until Monday to start my 1200 per day because that would have quickly been shot to hell and back... I won't even tell you about dessert!  
So as you can read I had a wild ride of a week!  I'll be sure to let you know how next week goes as i adhere to Ambers way of eating!
Stay Strong and remember....Speak your Mind, even if your voice shakes!
Tammy

Dearly beloved, 

For those of you who didn't know "Free" Eating, allow me to introduce you.  "Free" eating is a common friend/enemy of the overweight and obese population.  He gives you the gumption to eat any and everything in sight - without thought of the consequences.  Well, thankfully, he is expected to pass away tonight!  He is being laid to rest by one, Amber Norris.  Services will take place Monday, March 24th @ 3:00pm at the Janeway Clinical Sciences bldg.  He leaves behind - fat cells, belly rolls, and a lot of bad memories.  He will not be missed!!!!

Yep, it's me again and the hands on the clock are moving again.  Tomorrow Amber is going to get me started on the right path and with that in mind, I spent all weekend on the wrong side of the tracks.......   I also paid for it early this morning (I'll spare you the particulars but lets just say, I'm already quite familiar with a dumping-like syndrome)

I enjoyed my Easter dinner, thinking soon I'll never be able to eat some of the foods and none of that quantity of food again and I'll be honest....I got a little scared.  My sister, although she supports me, said a couple of things that made me a little fearful (with regards to the amount of food a post WLS patient can consume)   Her exact words were, "that's not living" and my immediate response was, "neither is what I'm doing now".  The way I see it is, giving up large amounts of greasy, bad for me, killing me anyway foods will be worth increasing my chances at a longer, healthier life, free of specialty clothing shops and Roamans catalogs!  

I promise you, if after I have surgery i receive another Roamans or Woman Within catalog, I'm going to send them my before and after pictures with a sweet request to be removed from their mailing list.  I think I'll go through my house and gather all the catalogs and have my mom send my her WW credit card so I can ceremoniously burn them!!!!  

It's all good!!!!  Stay strong - we've been too strong for too long to give up now!
TJ

For the past umpteen years, time has been flying by.  Think about it, doesn't it just seem like we were celebrating Christmas and here it is March and Easter is almost here?  Well who stopped the clock????!!!!!!! I guess I'm just anxious.   I know things are happening for me now and truly they are going well.  This surgery was just added to my insurance coverage on 1/1/08- so I've really just gotten the whole thing started and have already met with Fuzz, Elizabeth and Dr. Jeff. Next on my list in Amber and then I have to start my 3mo deal.  Okay- time to update you:

I met with Dr. Smith this past week.  I'll have to confess I was little nervous - if I hold my hands a certain way is he going to think I'm hiding something.  If I look off when I answer is he trying to read me for truthfulness.....typical psychologist paranoia.  Then I decided, "Just be yourself, answer truthfully and things will go exactly the way the need to go".  I walked in and there was an armchair (which I think I would have fit in) and a 2 person sofa.  So of course I asked, "Am I going to the chair or the proverbial sofa".....and I was directed to the sofa.  No sexual abuse, no phsyical abuse, no mental/verbal abuse, no drug/alcohol abuse (pretty normal childhood)  He said I was making his dictation and his transcriptionist's job easy (I guess that's a good thing.....i hope that's a good thing)  Of course he asked about any problems with upkeep of personal hygiene.  I was ready for him - when I purchased my house, one of the first things I did was switch out the shower head in the master bathroom and make it a handheld one.  Then on top of that they make this wonderful little bathing item, a mesh sponge on a stick (and you can get it for $1 at Dollar Tree - a chubsters best friend).  With those two wonderful tools, every nook, cranny, crevice, and fold gets fresh .

Well he went through all the stats of how a person "my size' and a person "as large as me", (see the trend?)  I kept thinking, Ok Dr. Jeff, you don't have to remind me, I see it and feel it everyday, let it go......But I didn't let it show, although I can't say I didn't let him see me sweat (i always sweat on my nose -winter, spring, summer, or fall - especially when I'm nervous)  But at any rate, I think it went well, he seemed optimistic.  I asked how long I could be looking at once I finished the 3mos for Aetna.  He said that sometimes Susan will go ahead and schedule a surgery date before the patient actually finishes the 3mos so that they don't have to wait long after the approval.  he said it could be as soon as 3 days after getting final approval from Aetna.!!!! Now I know that's just a guesstimate but that would be fantastic!  That could mean that I truly could have surgery before the end of summer!  My 37th birthday is Sept. 30 so I'm hoping that it will be before then.  That way Birthday # 38 will be the bomb diggity! (Good Lord willing!). Well my next stop is the results of my cardiac ultrasound (That will be Tuesday).  Hopefully it will come back clear like my EKG.  Then after that its Amber on the 24th with a sleep study on the 25th.....then back to clinic on April 10th to make the rounds with Fuzz, Amber and Dr. Jeff.  

Check this out - how is this for a test of resolve.  June will be the 3rd and final month of my insurance requirement.  Guess who has to go to Orlando for her job in June and spend a week at a Disney resort!!!!!!!  I think i would rather have to do that after having surgery, not freaking before!!!!  I already know that I'm going to be on about a 1200-1500 cal/day diet!!!!!  I'm going to need some prayers and encouragement from you guys that week!  I'll let you know when it gets closer!!!  Think I'll go to the forum and post and early request now!

Hang in there you skinny pimps and ho's!
TJ

Hello Lovelies!

Well I met with Fuzz and Elizabeth on Friday - not as bad as I anticipated.  The only time flesh was exposed was when Elizabeth needed to check my belly for hernias and that was done with me sitting in the chair lifting up my shirt.  (Sidebar - how can anything that looks like this be called something cute like a "belly" or as Elizabeth called it, a "tummy" - Babies have tummies - This is a tried and true bonified GUT!!!! But I digress!)  Anywho - I met Elizabeth first and we went over my history and my struggles with weight and weight loss attempts.  She asked why I wasn't interested in the Band and I told her the thought of having that thing in there and having to come back monthly for adjustments was freaking me out.  I also wasn't to thrilled about the weight loss rate with the band.   When Fuzz came in he said, "so you're not interested in the band hunh?"  I reiterated my concerns and he saw no problem with me doing the RNY -  That's what I'm talking about.  Because I have problems with my menstrual he suggested that I talk with my OB about Birth Control., since I would need to be mindful about pregnancy in the beginning.  I promptly showed him my naked ring finger and said, No, husband, not even a boyfriend,  and he said "Yeah, but you're not abstinate..."  My first response, "More like celibate!!! I wanted to say forced celibacy is the same thing as abstinance.....it's not like the men-folk are lined up at the door waiting their turn.....we don't even want to talk about the dust....(Oh that may have been TMTH - too much to handle - for you American Idol fans)    I wanted to say, "How do you know I'm not abstinate" but I was slightly flattered that he thought big girl might be getting her swerve on.   He was also concerned about the jumpstart to my menstrual that WLS would probably initiate and me with my mind always in the gutter!  Well anyway, I have to go back next month to start my 3-mo multidisciplinary, jump through hoops to make the insurance company happy even though they should be able to tell by all my other failed attempts that this isn't some fly by night solution regime.  (whew).  Good news is Elizabeth said that once you complete it, Aetna is usually pretty good about a fast approval.  Talk to you later all you skinny and future skinny folk!
TJ

Well normally I'd be screaming TGIF!!!!!!  But....not so excited....more nervous.  I have my 1st appointment with Fuzz and his NP on Friday at 10:30.  I have no idea what's going to happen.  I do know that I'm ready to get this show on the road and start this plan that Aetna requires.  I am not one to be handled by strangers....i don't like looking at myself without clothes....is Fuzz gonna make me get naked????? Oh No.......somebody puhleeeeeze tell me no!

Oh more great news (NOT) I went to my PCP for a thyroid recheck and mentioned that I'd been having some periods of running out of air when I talk (not a good thing when you're a instructor and have to teach for 7 hours a day - fortunately it's not as bad as it was earlier in the year....voice just kind of trails off because there is no more air behind it!)  Anyway I saw the NP and she sent me for chest xrays.  They called me while I was out of town to tell me that they were going to send me to a cardiologist because my heart is larger than normal peoples.....Just what I wanted to hear!  At least my thyroid meds didn't have to be increased (You know I'm going to always try to find a positive)  Well it may not be anything that has to do with my weight because I told my mom and sister and it turns out my Mom also has a larger than normal heart and has always had it.  She is not obese....but wait I just thought about something, she's a smoker, her's might be from that habit.  Anyway you know when I walk into that cardiologist's office, anything bad with my heart is immediately going to be attributed to this ton of fun hanging off the front of my body.  Up until the last year, my blood pressure and cholesterol have always been in the normal ranges but hey....they always say, it'll catch up to you.  It's not like i can run very quickly to get away from it.

Smile babies....at least we're breathing!
Ciao for now!
TJ

Hey gang!

Okay 1st of all, if you read my last post, I was going to claw my way out of that ditch mentioned...well, ummmmm, that hasn't gone so well....I'm not still fully in the ditch, just kind of lurking around the edges.  

But back to the hidden message in the title of this post.

There's a new type of mail in town.  We have postal mail, email, voicemail, kneemail (aka prayer) and now there is Thigh-Mail!!! It has to exist.  i believe that every thigh that sat in those tight doctors office style chairs at one piedmont plaze, sent out flyers, postcards, smoke signals or something.  I went to the session on Thursday for pre and post ops and the majority of chairs were those nice soft, leather style chairs!!!! I believe when I walked in and saw that I heard angels sing!  There were a few of the ancient torture chambers in the back of the room but not nearly as many as before.  Just thought I'd let you know the power of a thigh in pain!

Peace & Love
Keep the Faith
Lose the Weight!

Tammy J

Hey readers!

Not feeling my normal, upbeat, "funny fat girl" self today.  Not sure what's going on.  Feeling pretty weepy for some reason.  Let's see....Whats been going on.......

 I went to Tampa this weekend, just to get away.  Took my sister with me and we had a great time but I really didn't want to to come back.  I've always run away from problems, issues, and all things similar.  I have a good life (all things considered) but I sometimes I get that "grass has to be greener" on the other side syndrome.  Another lonely valentines day.  Oh well....I'm alive and in reasonably good health so I won't complain.  

For those of you considering Dr. Fernandez as your surgeon and will be attending the new patient seminar and any other subsequent seminars, let me do you a favor.............Be prepared for your thighs to HATE you when you get there.  The location at the Piedmont Plaza building @ the 5 Points Intersection is not Big People Friendly.  There are two types of chairs, both have arms.  One is an office style, black leather chair.  The other  looks like a doctors office chair.  Well lets just say I chose the doctors office style and it wasn't pretty.  My thighs talked to me that night ya'll and they were not saying nice things!  30 seconds after sitting down, the right thigh yelled, "Are you freaking kidding me?"  The left one said, "I know you aren't planning on sitting in this for any length of time!!!"  Well suffice it to say they cussed me out for the entire session, walking out to the car and all the way home.  They finally forgave me when I got in the shower.  I haven't told them that they have to go through that same torture a few more times.....I just don't have the heart.

Let me give you another bit of advice.  If your special places doctor places you on Lupron for fibroid treatment, be ready to lose control of your emotions, body temperature and memory for a while!  I had 3 rounds of the medicine with the last one being sometime late 2007.  It didn't work for the fibroid but I have to wonder if I'm still feeling it's effects.  Don't say I didn't warn you!

Well I guess I'll start following my previous nutritionist based eating again today.  I'd lost 10pounds but I kinda fell off the horse and rolled into a big ditch of fatty, fried, yummy, deadly treats.  Time to claw my way out and get back on the wagon.  

Guess I've been ldoing a lot of "last meal" eating!

Take care gals and guys!!!! We'll come through this!
My love to you all!
Tammy J.

Okay .......I've moved another centimeter!  I got my letter scheduling my 1st appointment with the surgeon and his nurse - March 7th!  I would love for things to move up but I'll be patient.....In your timing Lord, in your timing!

BTW it's going to be a rough week.....Valentine's day is coming and wouldn't you know it.....here i am with no valentine!  You'd think I'd be use to it by now but I'm not!  I went out Friday night with a group of co-workers and cried all the way home!   When the petite little co-worker showed up, I suddenly disappeared!  So much for a sense of humor and a personality.....they don't stand a chance against a small waist!  Oh well, what are you gonna do......Cry and get over it!!!!

Well that's it for now.  I'll check back after I survive Valentine's Day!
If Cupid doesn't come to see you then it's because I've got him tied up in my closet.  If I dont' have a Valentine.....NOBODY gets a valentine!!!! 

Okay well not THE call, more like A call!  As you will recollect from my previous blog entry, I recently mailed my information packet back to Dr. Fernandez's office (don't feel like I can call him "Fuzz" yet... I don't know him in that intimate way  ).  I received a call from Susan who informed me that my insurance company (Aetna) has pretty straightforward requirements - I meet the BMI # but they require you go through at least a 3 month multidisciplinary regimen and THEN a pre-determination letter has to be submitted to them before they will begin reviewing your case.   So I am officially in the "Hurry up and WAIT mode."  I am going to the February 11th new patient group meeting and have yet to get a confirmed 1st time appointment with Dr. Fernandez, although Susan said it was looking like it would be the 1st week of March.  The journey is stuck in traffic (which I expected) but I keep looking for that reroute button that my navigation system has.  Glad I filled up my gas tank.....looks like I'm going to be idling here for a while. 

January 24 2008,

Today I took the 1st step towards what I hope will be my journey to a healthier life......I mailed my patient information packet into the surgeons office. (Dr. Fernandez of WFUBMC).  I hope and pray that I put in everything that they need and that this process can move as expeditiously as possible!  I am 36 yrs old and am wayyyyyyy past due for a change in my diet, lifestyle and appearance!  Good luck to everyone who's on this yellow brick road with me and to those who've made it to see the wizard tell him/her that Tammy is comin' and don't try to slow me down with those nasty flying monkeys!!!
(Don't worry, I'm not a Wizard of Oz fanatic...that yellow brick road line was just so fitting and well it just went down hill from there!


Stay tuned!