November
11/01/04
I'm a 31 year old mother of three beatiful children ages 8, 5 & 4. I've been 'lurking' around this web site for way over a year, reading all the profiles, looking at pictures and debating on whether or not I have the courage to talk to my Dr. I've always been embarassed, had the intention of talking to her but have always broke down and kept quiet. Well, I'm not keeping quiet anymore!!!! I've finally decided that my children mean more to me than the embarassment. I want to be a healthy mother involved with her children instead of being in so much pain that I can't. I have now started my journey as of 11/04/2004 I am on my way to being a loser. Nothing in the works yet, but to me my journey has started because I've decided to talk to my Dr. If she doesn't approve or want to be involved then I will search till I find one!!
Thank you guys for all your help, support and advice!!!
I've started my list of reasons I hate being fat:
1. Not being able to interact with my children like I want to.
2. Not being able to fit into chairs comfortably.
3. Not being able to cross my legs.
3. Not being able to go out with my husband because I'm not attractive.
4. Being seen as lazy or unmotivated because I cant lose the weight.
5. The fear of having a heart attack or stroke.
6. Having no self esteem or self confidence.
7. The way I'm treated and looked at.
8. Being uncomfortable all the time, whether in what I'm wearing, where I'm at or who I'm with. (Besides my hubby)
9. Always feeling like people are staring at me.
10. Feeling like I'm am judged by others just because of my weight.
11. Feeling like you don't fit in anywhere with friends who have never battled their weight..
To be continued....
11/03/04
Well, I finally did it. I made an appointment to go see my PCP tomorrow 11/04/04 to see if she will give me the support that I need to get things going. Been a nervous wreck allllll night. I told my husband tonight that if she doesn't help me I will go find another Dr. He told me he would go with me to support me and let her know that he supports me also. I typed up a letter to the insurance company today and to my Dr. I read it to my husband and he didn't realize the severity of being morbidly obese. (Weird to finally be able to say that and not be embarassed!!!) I explained all the problems I have, how many times I've tried dieting, how many times I've failed. He started crying when I was reading it. He told me he never realized that people actually go through this. I love a man that can cry!!! It took me awhile to find him but I totally believe we were meant to be together forever.. Soul Mates.
I bought a big 64oz insulated mug from one of the local gas stations here awhile back. Use to fill it up at LEAST 2 times a day with nothing other than the good 'ole DEW!! Now I've started trying to get off of regular pop and onto Diet. It's been two weeks today since I've had a Mt. Dew.. never thought I'd live to see the day. Now I'm trying to drink 2 FULL 64oz of water a day before I can have my Diet pop. My husband tells me how proud of me he is and that makes it all the better and all the more worth while. I've also tried eating smaller portions and eating more often. Hope that's the right thing to do. From what I've gathered that's how it's gonna work afterwards..
We all need support systems and I couldn't ask for a better one here at home. I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful friend named Linda. I asked her for her opinion after I finished writing my letter. She read it. She cried. I love her so much. I don't know if I could have done any of this without knowing she was, is and always will be available for me to talk to whether it's 2:00 in the afternoon or 2:00 in the morning.
I will post more tomorrow after I get home from the Dr.
Thanks for all your prayers... untill tomorrow
