I hate blogging...

Jul 06, 2009

So I've made the decision that I need this website more than I thought...I need to start writing more often...My surgery was 6/25/09, and I returned home on 6/27...the normal 4 hr drive was actually 5, since I had to walk around to avoid blood clots. The drive home was less painful than I had expected, which was nice. The first week home was the clear liquid diet...obviously I knew that would be the way it was...but by Tuesday, I was sooooo sick of it. I had a mental break down Tuesday 6/29. My partner took me to the grocery store to get my walk in for the day - first let me say I'm not blaming her. But she needed deli meat, so as I stood there waiting with her, I just started looking around at all of the food I can't have anymore. The bakery was right there, which used to be where I LOVED buying from...then I just got so mad at the whole building itself. This entire building had hundreds or thousands of products that I was forbidden from having. My partner was so excited about the broth selection at this store, so she asked me to come down the aisle where the broth was located...it all looked the same to me...more of the same options, and none of which I wanted to intake. I went to the car, and when I got home, just started crying. I felt like I'd made a huge mistake...and I really felt like I had. She's so wonderful though, she bought me this book called Emotional First Aid for Weight Loss Surgery Patients. I sat down and started reading it.
I'm trying to remain much more positive. It's hard. I've lost 33 lbs since I started my pre-op diet. People say they are noticing a difference, and commend me. It's hard to accept their comments, since I feel like the weight loss isn't mine, but instead this new pouch that I do not control. In any case, I'm trying to change that thinking.
I've read alot of others blogs...but no too many outline what they are thinking, or feeling emotionally...hopefully this gets easier.

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