Trish M.
~~~~~~~~~~2/11/06~~~~~~~~~~
My journey has begun. First let me say that this site is a wonderful resource for anyone looking for answers about, interested in or even just curious about WLS. I've gotten so much from reading the stories shared here. The people here deserve major kudos for their honesty and uncandid attitudes. It makes a huge difference to those of us beginning the journey. Unlike many of the stories I've seen here, I haven't been over-weight all of my life. From my childhood through my teen years weight was never a problem......however my weight gain began towards the end of high school.......after hormones, boys and the birth control pill. I certainly cannot say I would have preferred being overweight from childhood, but I can say that it wasn't easy being considered attractive and getting all the attention at one point and years later being considered the "fat one" or knowing that after seeing someone I hadn't seen in years that they would walk away thinking, saying or telling someone, "Can you believe how fat she is now??"
I think everyone in our shoes feels the same and thinks the same things...will I fit into that chair at the restaurant?...will that chair hold my weight?...will that seatbelt on the airplane go around me?...am I the fattest one here?...are people watching how much food I have on my plate at a buffet?...is that laughing that I hear beind me directed at me?...are they embarassed to be seen with me?...and on and on and on. For me, my weight is on my mind every second of every minute. So the answer to the question should be easy then...why haven't I directed that energy to LOSING the weight instead of thinking about it all the time. Let me just say, losing weight and keeping it off is easier said than done. I looked into WLS a couple years ago (a friend had had a lap band) and decided against it.....I didn't think I could bear the unsightly sagging skin afterwards. A year ago I decided I couldn't take it anymore....something had to be done. The weight was affecting my self-esteem, I was no longer wanting to go anywhere...the pain of being in public is worse than being alone at home. The problem is, I'm not home alone. My family is paying the price along with me. My health is getting worse. I am physically feeling worse. Eventually, the decision to have the surgery was an easy one....one day it just hit me that this was the best way to deal with my weight. A co-worker had the lap RNY so I went to a seminar just knowing I wouldn't have any problem with insurance approval. After all, they approved hers. Wrong. After attending the 4 hour seminar, I was told I had no benefits. I had the PPO and the surgery was only covered under the HMO. Talk about a big blow. I became even more depressed. I waited until open enrollment so that I could switch to the appropriate plan and now here I am.
My weight affects every relationship in my life. Unfortunately that includes that with my husband. I love him probably more than he'll ever believe and I KNOW he loves me just the same. The self esteem issues affect our relationship. Society doesn't realize the pressure placed on our physical appearance. Nowhere on TV is it "OK" to be fat. Magazines have only the thinnest, most perfect models. Fat people are laughed at and made fun of in movies. I mean, nowhere in any movie did the handsome hero end up with the fat-girl of his dreams, right? For this pressure, I hurt for every little girl trying to grow up with a healthy attitude about her body. For that, I am sad. For that, I want to become a better person. Not better because I will weigh less....but better because I will become comfortable with myself, better because I will be healthier and as a result, contribute in a healthier way to the most important relationships in my life. My husband deserves a happy wife....my wonderful children deserve a mom who can keep up. Will WLS solve all my problems.....no way.....but it can help me to become a healthier person.....and that in itself is a positive start.
This is a record of my journey....one that I know will have its ups and downs. My initial consultation with the surgeon is in 2 days.....already I am excited!!
Below is a pic of me at age 18.....this is my inspiration pic. Also a pic of my sweet and very loving husband, Scott.
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