V E.
I have been a member here for 4 years and I have still not had surgery. I have had many bumps along the way. I started here at this site because back in 2003, I was researching and thinking about doing it. I have wasted time thinking I could do it on my own. And in doing so, I may have passed up my last chance of ever having WLS. Financially this has been an upward and onward battle for me. I was on Medicaid and was told by a worker that Medicaid would not pay; I wrote the State Board and actually received a reply...and that reply stated they would if my PCP expressed the need for me to have it performed. It took me a year to get my PCP, who bought in her own personal views against the surgery, to finally deny giving me a referral. I went to other physicians who wanted to start all over again, building a record of my battle against my weight. I became discouraged and gave up. In 2004 I had a bad falling accident and injured my back. After two years of rehab I can finally walk again but not without extreme pain after about 5 minutes and I gained more weight because of my inactivity. I had to leave my house an hour early each day just to make an 8 oclock class because it took me so long to walk across campus. I cried every step of the way but I made it each day.
Now that I am no longer on Medicaid, I find myself with an insurance (from my employer) that doesn't pay for anything much. It proudly boasts itself as NOT being major medical. I did a quote rate on BCBS and they quoted me a rate of 1800 a month. My God! I cannot even comment on that. In December 2006 I found out I had acquired more comorbidities. Adding Diabetes, hypertension and the strangest cholestrol problem....my bad cholestrol is at 82 but my good cholestrol is at 18 and apparently for "good" cholestrol that is waaaay too low. But back in 2003, when I first asked my PCP about the surgery. I had none of these problems but I was extremely overweight (BMI of 48). I don't know what more I could have done to convince my physician of my great need. All she had to do was look at me. I did have asthma back then but nothing else. I really got depressed about all I couldn't do back then, and I fear I did not try hard enough. What I tried to do was approach this thing calmly, I didn't want to become so aggressive about my situation because then my plight would fall on deaf ears. But as I have recently expressed to my new physician, I am fighting for my life. And there is no turning me back now. I will try each and every avenue open to me to find a way to pay for this surgery. My coworkers asked me "aren't you afraid of that surgery?" My first impulse is to punch them in the stomach, but I simply reply..."I am more afraid of leaving my child in this world alone without trying everything I could possibly try."
It has taken me 4 years to write in this journal. I come on 3 or 4 times a week and read about everyone else's ups/downs/successes. I gain a lot of inspiration from these pages and valuable information. I recently used some of this information from a woman in my area who went to vocation rehab. I was in the military for many years and I am medically categorized as a Disbled Vet. Federal Voc Rehab paid for my college education and after reading her story I made an appointment with a Voc Rehab counselor and on 28 Feb 07 I will hear their answer as to if they will pay for it. I have never prayed this hard for anything in my life, with the exception of praying to God to let the doctors really hurry and remove my child from my loins before I jump up from the bed and do a Stone Cold Stunner on everyone in the room!
But seriously, I am in a fight for my life. I make jokes all the time about myself, I laugh to keep from crying. But at night, in the space and time it takes after my head hits the pillow...and my eyes close for sleep; I cry. I pray. I ask God to look down on me and lead and guide my thoughts and my steps. To let me give this situation a good fight the best I have inside of me. I guess I don't have to explain to anyone here at this site what it means. I got a feeling you all know what I mean.
I thank you all for being here, even if after all this time I have never said it.
