wendy_fou

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I feel odd today.

Part of me feels BLAH because I have to go back to work tomorrow.  The other part of me feels so anxious that I could be sick.  The anxious part is trying to live beneath the blah part so that I don't progress to nervous breakdown territory, but I don't know if it is succeeding yet.  Maybe I need a valium?  I think I'll have one... brb.  

Ok.  I'm back.  Let's see if that does the trick.  Now back to my Sunday.

1. BLAH part
I guess I feel that way because all I did all day long was ride around looking at jobs with my dad.  I love spending time with my dad sometimes, but today all that doing nothing but riding around got to me.  I think I got a little too hot towards the end too.  Also, there were really things here at home that I needed to be doing - applying for that job, cleaning house, paperwork, etc.  

2. Anxious part
The bills are beginning to overwhelm me.  It's not that we can't pay them - we can.  It's just that there are so many different ones.  I think I want to just owe NO ONE.  Then I wouldn't have to remember them all.  I am going to start focusing on paying some bills off.  I am tired of just making payments on everything every month.  I don't want to settle for that anymore.
I am also letting this appointment with the surgeon, as well as finishing getting all my records together to submit to insurance worry me.  I know I really have nothing to worry about - but has that ever stopped me before?  I have to remember to call 3 different drs on Monday afternoon and go by and pick up records from them.  I can't forget to do that. 
Also, I am letting applying for this job worry me.  I know I'm qualified and I will probably get offered the job.  So now, before I have even applied, I am already worrying about whether or not I should accept it when they offer it to me.  It's times like now that my Generalized Anxiety Disorder really shows up.  

Did I ever mention that I have Generalized Anixeity Disorder (GAD)?  No?  Well, consider it mentioned now.  So when you hear me worrying about stuff that may seem trivial or stupid or so far off that I shouldn't even be thinking about it, remember that and cut me a little slack.

I need to nap or something.  I'll be in a better mood tomorrow, I promise. 

Okay.  I have had an absolutely fabulous day.  

First and foremost - I finally found a new handbag I liked at a bag store in the mall - one of those little kiosks in the middle of the walkway if you can believe that.  It is a Coach monogram bag and it was only.... get ready people.... $90.  That's right, only $90 and it is AUTHENTIC.  I almost had a cow!  Needless to say - it had to come home with me.  So now I don't have to spend any more countless hours walking malls and lurking on ebay looking for just the right bag for the rest of the summer & fall.  It's done.  (I looked on eBay when I got home and considered reselling it for a minute.  Bags just like it in darker shades were going for twice what I paid for this one and there was not ONE exactly like mine on eBay.  I could have at least doubled my $$$.  But honestly y'all, I just love it - so I won't be parting with it anytime soon.)

Second of all, my daughter and I went to the salon and had manicures and pedicures done.  I went ahead and got new nails put on too.  Why not?  This was my daughter's first trip (she's 11) and she loved it.  Of course I loved it too, but it was nice to do it with her.  She will need to marry a rich man when she grows up because she enjoys shopping and things like that even more than I do.

In any event, I'm home for the night now.  My dad wants me to go with him tomorrow riding around looking at his jobs.  I probably will.  I don't know. 

Today started out badly, but it got better.

I had literally one of the worst commutes I have ever had.  It was pouring down rain & took way longer than it should have to get to work.  I passed TWO car accidents on the way, both with ambulances, so probably injuries.  

However, I did get a lot done today when I got to work.  After work, I went to Dillards to look at handbags.  I didn't find anything I liked, so I will probably go back to Little Rock to buy one.  

I am still trying to do the water thing, drinking it for 3 days now.  I still pee every 5 - 10 minutes, but the nurse that ran the bariatric class last night said that that would pass.  I wonder how long it will take?  I pee so often at work that my coworkers are probably starting to think I have some sort of problem or something.  Oh well, I won't have to be going in there for very much longer anyway.

It's not raining outside anymore, but it is rainy.  I am really ready for it to quit raining.  My power has been out 3 or 4 times in the last 3 days.  That gets old QUICK.  

In any event, I look forward to a GOOD weekend!  Woo Hoo!!!

Well, apparently when my husband left this morning, he didn't set the alarm OR take daughter to daycare.  So, I woke up about 15 minutes after I was supposed to leave for work with my kid still home asleep.  So, I went to work an hour and a half late so I had to work an hour and a half late to make up for it.  I got my daughter to daycare though and I also had my sister in law pick her up and keep her tonight so that 

I could go to my first bariatric support group.  Attendance to at least one is required to even get a consult with the surgeon.  It was fine for the first 30 - 40 minutes.  Then a lady arrived and monopolized the entire rest of the seminar.  People sitting on my side of the room were even making fun of her under their breathe.  It was that bad.  I hope that she is not at the next seminar.  I wish there was a way that we could see on the patient hub who else will be attending.  I would avoid future seminars with her in it.  She annoyed me to NO END.  I couldn't even enjoy the 2nd half of the seminar because it was all about her.  It wasn't even things about bariatric surgery either - at least I could have learned from that.  It was things about her personal health problems.  I don't know if she didn't realize it or just didn't care - but it made the last half of the seminar a complete waste of my and everyone else's time.  That's my complaint for the day.  

Work was wonderful today.  I accomplished quite a bit and didn't have to deal with many dumbasses.  That's always nice.  I am hoping that I can finish up the week tomorrow on a high note by completing a lot tomorrow too.

I also finally found the orthopedist that I went to years ago.  I called them this morning and they are supposed to fax me my records showing that I have been diagnosed with degenerative arthritis in my knees which I will submit with my insurance papers, etc.  I didn't have it when I got home today, but hopefully I'll have it soon.

Tomorrow is Friday.  Thank God.

Well.  I have good news and I have bad news.  You want the good news first right?  Yea, me too.

Good news is that one of my friends in pregnant - she thinks about 9 weeks.  This is GREAT because she has had problems in that department in the past and wondered if she'd ever have children.  Hopefully, this time will work out better.  Everyone pray to whatever God(s) you believe in for her.  

Bad news is that my power was out for about 3 hours tonight.  NO FUN in this heat.  But I guess that's really good news though because it's back on now.

Good news too is that I won the soprano sax I was biddin for on ebay & came out owing < $50 which is great.  I am trying to get back into my hobbies that I used to be so into because I got this old and this big.  Maybe it will help me to have something to do other than eat sometimes, you know?  

Bad news is that I have some sort of indigestion or burp hung in my chest and can't get comfortable to even lay down, much less sleep.  

Good news is that last night, for the first time in almost a week, I got good sleep.  (This is really good news because it was getting so bad that I was beginning to wonder if I was going to have to have some sort of psychotic episode or pass out before I actually got some peaceful rest.)

Bad news is that tonight is not looking so good in the rest and relaxation department.

Good news is that I got to leave the Little Rock office early today because I had to drop something off to a co-worker and go by a business.

Bad news is that I have to go back to Little Rock tomorrow.

Good news is that I got a really good shave tonight when I was shaving my legs.

Bad news is that some places on my face are STILL red from that unfortunate nair incident I was telling you about last night.

All of this made for a weird Wednesday.

P.S.  Had to remind myself all day that I can't have red meat because of this awful hemmocult test I have to do beginning tomorrow night.  I swear to y'all that if I go through this and have to have some lower GI work done, I am going to want to just .  Who wants to have that done?  Exactly.  No one. 

Rained most of the day today.  I'm talking downpour here people!  Don't worry - I didn't melt.

I had that seminar today.  I think it went well.  I think I was losing them a couple of times, so I made little jokes (sort of made a fool of myself a little bit) - made them all laugh and they started paying attention again.  They seemed to really enjoy most of it and even clapped at the end.  I saw a couple of people that I graduated with too, so that was neat.

I just went out with my hubby, son and mom & dad to supper together.  My daughter is over at another friend's house.  She constantly wants to stay all night somewhere.  I don't know if that's a good thing or not.  This summer, I have told both of my children that they cannot have any more company all summer.  My nerves can't take any more kids.  I had 10 - 15 over at my house every day when they were younger.  That number is not an exaggeration.  We lived in a trailer park then and I was the stay at home mom.  Every kid in the neighborhood came to my house/yard because I always had cookies/punch/sandwiches, etc.  I'd also pay attention to each of them which I guess they liked a lot.  In any event, that sort of ruined me on the having kids over thing.  I can't hardly even stand to have 1 or 2 over now.  One friend over every once in a while is not so bad.  But between both my kids, they'd have someone over 2 - 3 times per week.  I used to put up with that because I felt like they were missing out on something if I didn't.  But with this special project I'm on at my job and trying to get this surgery covered by insurance - I just don't have the patience for it this summer.  So I guess I'm letting my daughter go probably a little more than I should.  I'll have to think more about this one.

I had my blood work done this morning.  They certainly took enough.  I was like - hey, I've got to go to work in a little bit, I hope I don't get into a car accident and need some of my own blood because y'all have taken it all.  They require an INSANE amount of testing.  I even had to take some tests that my insurance won't even pay for (HIV and HCV): so I'll have to pay for those out of pocket.  But at least it's done, except for the hemmocults and I don't even want to TELL you what I'm going to have to do to do that. 

In any event, I'm home and dry now.  I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow because I have to start going back to Little Rock again tomorrow.  I'm really getting tired of driving up there every day.  I'm tired of doing special projects instead of what my "real job" is.

I'll let y'all in a little secret.  I'm thinking about putting in for a local auditor job here in my home county.  I know what you're thinking - I shouldn't mess with what isn't broken, right?  But I just can't keep going to Little Rock everyday for special projects.  I hate them.  I won't do it for long.  If they ask me to do one more special project, I am just going to tell them "Honestly, I hate this special project stuff.  I don't want to let y'all down and I will do it.  I just want y'all to know that I don't enjoy it at all."  It wouldn't be so bad if I could do it at home, but this one I can't.  I have to drive to Little Rock every day.  That commute (71 miles each way) is getting on my nerves.  Maybe I won't have to say anything.  They are hiring more people, so I'm hoping that I won't be ASKED again for a while.

Anyway.  OMG y'all.  I finally got brave enough to get rid of my facial hair tonight.  I know, I know.  You're probably thinking - FACIAL HAIR?    That's what I thought until I started noticing that I had some a year or so ago.  It is very fine and very blonde - but it is there.  I started tweezing the ones that were what I considered to be long.  I even started wondering if I had POS (that polycystic ovary syndrome or whatever it is), but I guess not.  Anyway, tonight at Wal-Mart, I noticed Nair for your face.  I bought it and just used it.  It itches and burns as bad on my face as I remember it doing on my legs.  But I wanted the hair gone bad enough that I put up with it on my face.  I never did on my legs.  I just washed it off & kept shaving them.  In any event, I'll let y'all know how long it works.  Hopefully a while and I pray to God that it doesn't all grow back darker.  

Anyway, I've digressed again.  I've been at this a while too, so I'm out. 

Well, it's Monday.  The best thing I can say about today is that it's almost over with.  Nah, that's not really true.  It was an okay day.  We had an investigator meeting today in Little Rock.  It was short, relatively sweet and to the point.  I think that went fine.  

I put my foot in my mouth with my supervisor today.  Actually more like all the way down my throat.  She said she couldn't go with me somewhere and was sending someone else:  then my stupid ass told her that that was probably better because this other person would probably know more about what they were doing or what I was going to be talking about in the seminar tomorrow.  After it flew out of my mouth, I immediately realized what I had said.    Oh well.  I can't UNsay it.  Hopefully she has known me long enough now though that she knows I didn't really mean it in a bad way.  

I think my manager has moods every once in a while where she doesn't feel like putting up with me - like it's a chore or something.  I think today was one of those days.  I guess maybe everyone gets in moods sometimes where they don't want to put up with other people.  I can just tell when she is in that mood with me.  Oh well.  I can't be anyone other than me. 

I got all of my pre-op testing set up today.  All I have to do is go by my PCPs office tomorrow morning REALLY EARLY (as soon as the lab opens, they said I can be there, even though it is before the doctor's office day actually starts).  So hopefully I will get all that done tommorrow.  The only thing that worries me is the no NSAIDS for 10 days before the hemoccults.  I researched what an NSAID is and I did have one on Saturday night because I was getting an migraine and needed to ward it off.  So if I wait until 10 days is up (next week) then the surgeon will not have the results by the first appointment and the first appointment will be bumped back.  Would it really matter if I had that ONE NSAID 3 days before the test?  Would it really skew the results?  They want hemoccults to see if GI work needs to be done, but I just had GI work not even 2 months ago and everything was fine - so maybe I should just call them and ask if they will take those results instead?  I don't know.  I guess I will ask the lab tomorrow morning AT THE CRACK OF DAWN to see if it makes a difference.  I really hope that the results get back to the doctor's office so that they can fax them by the 19th (my appointment date with the surgeon).  I don't know what happens if they don't.  Oh well - can't do anything about it but it worries me.  I'm ready to get this show on the road.

I have to call the NUT tomorrow to see if I need an appointment with her too or if the dietary conference call is enough.  Who knows how that will turn out.  I actually don't dread talking to her - she seemed really nice on the teleconference call.  So I won't mind going to see her if I have to.  I just hope it is on the same day as the consultation with Dr. Baker.  If not, then I will probably mind it because I don't really have time to go over there twice.  But I will if I have to.

In any event, I am boring y'all.  I am even boring myself, so I know this can't be entertainment for someone else.  It must be a pretty slow night if y'all have read this far.  

I think I'm going to buy a webcam and start a video diary of my adventure in WLS.  If I decide to do it, I'm not going to do it until my insurance approves me for the surgery.  I will just DIE if they don't, so I don't want to get my hopes up anymore than they already are by doing something exciting like getting a webcam.  

I need to spend all of tomorrow morning learning these laws I have to teach the people in that seminar tomorrow.  It won't be bad.  I'm sure I'll do fine.  What's the worst thing that could happen?  My high heel could twist out from under me, I could fall off the stage: my silky crop pants could come up high enough to show everyone in the room that I'm just wearing knee highs and I could have to finish the seminar with blood running down my leg from a nasty cut I took in the fall.  See..... that's not so bad.  I could live through that.  

See, that's what you ALWAYS have to ask yourself whenever you are going into any situation that makes you nervous.  What's the WORST that could happen?  Then think it through in your mind and think about how you'd deal with it.  In this case, I'd just stand up there while my assistant went and got me a napkin.  I'd give the rest of my speech while reaching down to dab blood off my leg every few seconds.  Piece of cake.  Life goes on.  See now I can relax because I know that really nothing worse than that can happen.  Very rarely, I am surprised and something worse DOES happen.  When that happens, it is not a good day in the land of Wen.  I am embarrassed and disappointed and I HATE both of those emotions.  I'd just as soon NEVER feel them.  So it better to assume the worst, plan according, and almost always be pleasantly surprised.  Who wants to always assume the best and be let down frequently?  Not me Jose.  I'd rather always expect the worst, even if it's just on the inside, and always be pleasantly surprised.  There you have it.  Key to constant happiness #58.  

Is anyone still reading this?  Do you have OCD?  You started reading and now for some inexplicable reason, you cannot stop, even though you realize now that I am talking complete trash today?  I'll let you off the hook and end this.  Forgive me, it's just been this kind of day. 

Well today is the day the kids get to shoot off fireworks!  They have been looking forward to it.  I really have not this year.  I guess because I have so much on my mind.  Oh well.  They'll love it and maybe it will be one of those things I'll enjoy once it starts.  They do make some really pretty ones nowadays.  
In any event, went to lunch with my daddy today.  I got a LOT of house work (laundry especially) done today which really makes me happy.  It makes me FEEL so much more RELAXED when the house is at least semi-clean, you know?  I need to go through all the kids clothes and get rid of everything that doesn't fit them.  I'll do that later though.  I just got rid of about 20 more bath towels.  I swear I had about 40 to begin with y'all.  I would say that I don't know how I got that many, but I really do know how.  I just like to buy bath towels.  I think new bath towels feel so nice.  They are so colorful nowadays and even expensive ones aren't but about $5.  I used to buy a couple of new ones every other month or so until I got this many.
So last month, I bought 8 super-sized white bath towels: 2 with red stripes, 2 with yellow stripes, 2 with green stripes and 2 with blue stripes.  Everyone in the family has their own color.  Now it is everyone's own responsiblity to put their own bath towel in the hamper, and I will know by the color if I find one in the floor who didn't put theirs away.
About 2 months ago, I did the same thing with dishes and glasses.  I got rid of every last dish and glass in the house.  I bought everyone 1 plate, 1 bowl and 1 glass in his/her respective color (red, blue, green & yellow).  That has worked so well, that I have now done that to my bath towels.
I have also done the same things with tooth brushes and that has ended the fight of "she used mine today" - "well he used mine yesterday".  You cannot accidentally use anyone else's anymore unless you are colorblind - which those in my family are not.  I may move this system on to sheets and pillowcases if it continues to work as well as it has.  
In any event, I am digressing.  
I got a lot of laundry done today and the remainder of the bath towels I'm getting rid of bagged up.  The only thing I didn't go through today were the socks.  I'll probably do that later tonight.  If not, it's not a crisis.  Socks can wait.  
I'm still thinking about this seminar I've got to give on Tuesday.  If I think too much about it, I get anxious; so I'm trying not to think too much about it.  What's the worst that could happen?  I look like an idiot.  That's happened before, so it won't be the end of the world.  I'll let y'all know how it goes. 

Today was pretty great.  I went to town by my kids, my nephews and my dad.  Remembered to buy soap - very important since we were out.  My daughter decided she'd rather stay all night w/ her friend than shoot fireworks tonight, so she's doing that.  I rented Children of Men to watch with my husband.  My son is playing Wii.  I sat outside for a little while today.  It was nice and warm, but not too hot amazingly.  OMG I just saw a commercial on a cartoon channel for a cartoon that looked nasty.  I am going to tell my kids not to watch that channel anymore.  OMG - who knew?!?  In any event, can't hardly wait for my appointment with the surgeon.  It's almost all I can think about.  I need to focus on work this week too because of that big presentation/seminar I have to give on Tuesday.  It will probably go fine.  What's the worst that could happen?  Beeeeeeeee good!

Well, I had a good day today.  I am done with work for the week - WOO HOO!  I got an appointment with the surgeon's office for an intial consult.  I found out that my insurance will accept a note from the surgeon instead of me having to go back to my PCP again, which saves time and is great.  I also found out that I may not have to go to a 1 on 1 with a nutritionist, my dietary counceling call may work.  Who knew?  I am so thankful that the lady from my insurance lets me email her directly and I am so glad that she actually answers.  My surgical consultation is 07/19/07 at 9:30, so that's pretty soon.  I hope they don't make me go on a liquid diet that day since I probably won't have my surgery for a whole month after that because I'll have to wait for insurance approval.  That is the only concern that I have left pretty much.  So, life is pretty okay right now in that department.  I'm trying NOT to think about a speech I have to give on Tuesday, and I am starting to feel trapped in the office setting I am temporarily in, but other than that, work is good.  I wonder what I'm going to do this weekend. 
Oh!  I changed my avatar too.  The cookie monster was a really funny after the little episode with the food avatars, but this TOTALLY fits me because I am a B.  And it has a lot of yellow on it which I LOVE.  It's my HAPPY color.  LOL.