WholeNicole
NEW USER ID + UPDATE + NEW PHOTO'S
Feb 09, 2010
Originally posted in Ontario Forum - Post Date: 2/6/10 4:57 pmFor the past month, I've been super depressed and in a funk. Food wise, I was doing okay, still making good choices. I was definitely neglecting my protein shakes, bad girl, but I feel back on track as I had a protein shake every morning this past week.
I went away for Christmas as my Grandmother was in the hosptial and we knew this would be her last Christmas alive. My mom and I flew out Christmas morning and we spent as much time with my Memere as we possibly could. Sadly, my precious Memere passed away on New Years Day. I've been so sad over her passing as she was an AMAZING woman. When you look up Saint, her picture should have been there. I'm grateful she got to see me post-op surgery and I know she was proud of my wt. loss thus far.
I had a situation arise last Sunday where I had to admit to the man I'm dating that I can't have kids, and that he should move along to a fertile 20-something, cuz kids aren't in my future.
Since Sunday, I've been faced with my demons. That talking about my inability to bear a child is a primary reason I ate myself into a severe obesity. I'd been emotional since Sunday and on Wednesday I broke down at lunchtime, went to Walmart bought a can of Pringles and 3 chocolate bars (2 Kit Kats, and 1 Coffee Crisp). When I got home from work, I eagerly ripped off the foil wrapper on the Pringles can and ate 3 chips!! WTF is wrong with me?!?! Geezus H. Christ! I put the lid back on, and knew I was in trouble. The emotional eating has NOT subsided. Remember the golden rule, the surgery is 10% of the tool to losing wt. The other 90% is behavioural, and my behaviour on Wednesday certainly proved that. I have not had any Pringles since then, and the 3 chocolate bars are in the Walmart bag down in my truck. I plan on throwing them away, as I do NOT want, nor need them. I had a momentary relapse with the Pringles, but I shall not let this happen again. I AM stronger than this!
After my brutal 4-5 days with depression, I went to the coffee meeting in Brampton on Thursday night. as I desperately felt this need to talk to others who are struggling with emotional eating. I met some incredible people (Nancy, Cathy, Candace, Olga, Lisa, Darlene, and many others), and I have to say THANK YOU to all of you for helping to pull me out of my depression. With the grace of God, I DO see hope again. Talking to others who've had wt. loss surgery will help you get through your tough times.
When I got home from the coffee meeting, I logged in and found an online Overeaters Anonymous Meeting that I participated in from 10 to 11. Then at 11, I found a phone Overeaters Anonymous Meeting that I participated in from 11 to midnight.
Friday morning I woke up feeling HOPE again. I will be okay. I will not let depression lead me back to my poor eating habits. I've come too far to let old behaviours creep back this early into my recovery process. My journey is mine to lead, and I am the one in control. I will eat to live, NOT live to eat. You hear me food?? You no longer control me, I control me!
Depression and wt. gain go hand-in-hand. This past week has been horrible emotionally for me. Admitting that I can't have kids just brought up the pain from why my marriage fell apart. Being infertile has DEF. been the root cause of my depression and severe wt. gain over the past 15 years.
A special thank you to the many of you who've stayed in touch with me through emails, I really appreciate your concern.
“May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, and the foresight to know where you are going, And the insight to know when you have gone too far”
Hugs & Harmony,
~Nicole~
P.S. If anyone is interested, I a new pictures folder up: Post-Surgery with some new pics from December and January
RNY October 1-09 Ht: 5'8"
Consult(June 17-09): 311 Current: 238
"I FINALLY GAVE UP DIETING FOREVER!"
