withGodsHelp26

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OK I know it has been a while since I posted anything let me start from the beginning. I attended another information session with George Washington University Hospital I enjoyed it. Some of the information has changed but other than that it really felt like déjà vu. After the information session I felt a little discouraged with the whole process. My grandmother and I had a heart to heart that gave me strength to keep moving along with the process. At the meeting they gave us  folders with 9 steps in it. My next step was to call my insurance company which I did and they would not give me any information. They told me to call the office of the surgeon that was going to perform the surgery, and that they need to contact the insurance. So I called the office and explained to the insurance liaison that I was having a problem getting information from the insurance company on whether or not they would cover the surgery. She simply told me Ms. Johnson I will take care of that for you, your next step is to come in and see Dr. Lin, ok I went to see Dr. Lin and it was a very eye opening experience. he was straight forward and honest with me, and it kind of seem like he was testing me to see if I was going to cut and run after he told me what the surgery would not do for me. He basically was trying as it seems to talk me out of the surgery. But I had not plans on running I'm glad I spoke with him and I totally understand where he is coming from. After that the next thing was to gather information from the doctors and specialist that I have seen and to get clearance from them for the surgery. I have most of the test done... the last few I need to have done is my stress echocardiogram done by my cardiologist, a hormone panel done by the endocrinologist and to have my psychologist do the evaluation and to also do 6 months of seeing a nutritionist for medical weight management. After that I will see Dr. Lin again and go from there. This road is hard... since being on this path to surgery I have been diagnosed with diabetes... to add to a long list of my other health problems. I have also start feeling an intense amount of pain in my back in knees. I wake in pain I go to sleep in pain the pain is so bad it makes me feel light headed as if I'm going to pass out. I have recently been caring for my mother who has had surgery but not of this variety. I am also a college student taking on-line classes and with the medication for diabetes it has been hard to concentrate and maintain my focus. This is a trying time for me sometime I honestly feel like giving up but I know I have to keep moving for myself and my family and loved one. I know that I have to achieve this goal of surgery because I feel that if I run away again this will be my last opportunity... Lord knows this surgery has been presented to me 3 time before @ age 18, 21, and 26 each time I ran scared and or I had to put it on the back burner because my family needed me to tend to some of their important needs. @ 18 I felt I was too young to handle the responsibility of a surgery this great, @ 21 my mom was fearful and with her fear it made me more fearful so it was not done then either. @ 26 I was ready so I thought but the tragedy struck my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer and me and my mom were her main care givers... then after she was better my step father was also diagnosed with cancer and I put my life on hold, school, and surgery and all to take care of him while my mom tried to continue working as long as she could before things took a turn for the worst and he passed away. I had to take a while to heal from that major blow... he was only a part of our family for a short period of time but growing up without a father and meeting him was the greatest replacement God could have sent me. And he loved my mother SO much. It still hurts to this day that he's gone but I know it was for the best because he suffered alot. now that the  surgery is presented to me again..... I'm moving full steam ahead everyone is healthy and OK now it's my time to better my health so that I can be there for them in the future. Since then I have also reconnected with the love of my life and he is very understanding and supportive... He says he's ready to take this ride with me I told him it may be a bumpy one but with God on our side we can face anything. I know this is a lot to read and alot to take in and I have even shed a few tears while writing this and this is just the beginning, but I ready to stand and meet this challenge. my life as be one challenge after another since birth, and I didn't back down before and I won’t back down now. I just need prayers and I know I can make it ... pray for me and I will continue to pray for all of you.. and those of you who already had surgery save me a seat on the losers bench because one day you will look to the left or the right of you and I will be there a healthier happier thinner me.