How very odd... I'm jealous of those about to have surgery

Jul 15, 2009

The weirdest thing is happening to me lately. I am reading the posts from people here and on my hospital's support list who are just embarking on their journey as their surgery dates approach, and I find myself feeling a little envious.

My surgery was 2.5 years ago now and I'm down about 160 lbs. I feel great and my life is so different now than it was then. I would really like to lose another 40 or so lbs but I shouldn't complain. I'm a size 12 (down from a 26!), I go to the gym at least 5 times a week and I really feel like I'm LIVING my life.

So why am I jealous of all of the newbies? Fact is, it's hard now. I can eat almost anything. Not a lot of anything it's true. But I rarely get things stuck anymore (a byproduct of several endoscopies I had to have for a gastro issue) and as insane as it is, I MISS that type of limitation. 

I have to watch every mouthful and every calorie. Sure I was doing that before, but my body was really helping by forcing me to stop. People told me it was easy at the beginning, but as I was going through it, it didn't seem so easy. Now I wish I could be like that again. I LIKE the restriction that my tiny pouch and small opening required. I'm scared and I don't want to go back. It doesn't help that work is super stressful right now. I'm hoping that by starting to post here again, I'll find some strenth. Please send good wishes and positive energy.

0 Comments