PO Month 5 -192.4Lbs

May 16, 2016

    So I'm 2.4 lbs away from the centry club....As of tomorrow I will start my 6 months . I got so much to say and I don't know where to begin, so I guess I will start with the "bad" and end with the "good" and then go from there.

  I can eat more and it's unfortunate how I found that out, BINGE! Yep you read right, I had a binge moment, but it was not like before and it was not junk. THANK GOD!However, it was a humbling experence and a learning experience. It all started with sugar free pudding and chocolate. For the last 3 weeks I've been craving sweet stuff! I refuse to give into sugar, so I decided to try a sugar fee toffee from Rocky Mountain. It was DELICIOUS,but I felt weird later. More on that later. I reached 199 lbs a little after my "Any Day" post but I was working steady 12 hour shifts, so besides taking a photo, life went on as usual. I decided when I was home, that I will try to add more vegetables and a sugar free stuff to curb my sweet tooth. Big Mistake! The Jello SF pudding was great but, later I will feel bloated, gassy, but it was mild. However, one day after my meeting with my psychologist, I discovered that there was a Rocky Mountain located near her , so I decided to purchase a sugar free Toffee (2) and a sugar free caramel. When I got home, I had a SF Jello Pudding.Well the combination of all those sugar alcohols sent me to the bathroom the entire night! I suspected the sugar alcohols but it's like I didn't want to admit that the Jello was also a problem. I did what I normally do I rationalize that there's no sugar, therefore no issues. Well last Wednesday, i received some troubling news and I decided i was going to make a low carb mini muffins.Looking back, I can see how I was setting myself for the binge that was to come. The muffins were delicious and tiny. I had 2, then later that night i had 4 more. My stomach hurt for a bit and I was uncomfortable for the rest of the night, but what freaked me out was the behavior. I couldnt believe I had just done that to myself.Since then it's been difficult to keep my calories between 600-800 calories. I'm dealing with head hunger now, I'm full and statisfied, yet I still crave more. Instead of falling apart, I've been eating smaller portions every 2 hours and ensuring I'm drinking 20 ounces between my meals.I guess I underestimated my demons. My hubby took all the sugar free pudding from the fridge and brought it to his job and he also took all the muffins. I originally was not going to say anything about my binge, but I realized that this is what got me to almost 300 lbs and I will not go down that road,again. Tomorrow, I see my therapist and we are going to talk about the return of my food cravings, but in the meantime, I'm going to continue eating protein first, measuring my food, drinking water and finding alternative to eating...Just say no to sugar free!

  Now that is over, I'm cureently a size L-M, size 10-14 depending on the brand and I need to curb the shopping. I started jogging every morning. It's the most AMAZING experience.I'm grateful to this surgery, since I would've never ATTEMPTED to do it. I feel so good and even though I'm afraid with this new emergence of cravings, I'm going to work as hard as possible to change and keep my new lifestyle. Instead of focusing on the negative I need to give myself a clap on the back for the weight I 've lost. I need to remember that I've lost close to 98lbs since my highest weight and I'm 27 lbs away from my goal weight. My hubby said it best "You lost 27lbs on your own before surgery, you can do this!" Yes, I can...Now time to go do some weights!!! 

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