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I can't believe it has already been a year! It seems like just yesterday I was beginning this roller coaster ride called the DS. It has definately had it's fair share of ups and downs, although I admit the ups definately outweigh the downs!!! I think the most difficult part of this last year has been the mental game that you go through. It still frustrates me when complete strangers come up to me and just start talking! A year ago they would have avoided me like the plague. I admit that I have made some poor choices due to the added attention I am recieving from guys...but, you gotta learn somehow right? Overall, I have to say that I LOVE MY DS! I love the way I feel and the things I can do. I love being an active participant in my life rather than an observer. I love that my boys are no longer embarrased to be seen with me! Hey, I even love that my ex can't help but oogle at me every time I drop the boys off...haha...he missed out big time!!!

Anyways, at one year out, I am half of the person I was. I started this journey at 304lbs and am currently sitting at 152lbs. I was wearing a size 26/28 pant and just bought my first size 6 jeans two days ago!!! I never imagined fitting into a size 6!!! I will admit I am ready to stop losing and hope I don't go down much more. I never was interested in being super skinny, just healthy, and am having people comment that I am not looking very healthy. I know there will be some bounce back and that my body will level it's self out but can't help but worry a little. I LOVE to shop for clothes now! The only part of the old me I miss is my boobs! haha! The ones I have now are pretty pathetic! Oh well, small price to pay!

I know I don't get on here a whole lot anymore, but I want to thank you all for being there when I have needed you. I am hoping that life will slow down a little here soon but don't really see it happening. I am looking at a semester with approximately 20 credits, a practicum (field experience), working for the Census Bureau and being a single mom to three very demanding boys (two with mental health disorders...bi-polar with major depression and ADHD with anxiety). I hope this helps you to understand the limited amount of time I have to spend on here. However, if you need anything, let me know and I will do my best to get back to you!

Thanks again...It has truly been an amazing year!!!!

I did it! It's official! My surgery took place yesterday morning at about 11:30. It lasted about three hours between the switch, gallbladder removal and hernia repair. I woke up in excruciating pain (ended up in recovery durring shift change). They weren't really very good at getting my pain under control in recovery so they moved me up to my room and I finally got some relief. Slept most of yesterday fighting with the pain. My back hurt worse than anything (I think it was gas build up and from laying on that table for so long). Needless to say, yesterday was not good. I did sleep really well last night though and this morning woke up doing really well! I had a great nursing staff last night and first thing this morning. Then I got stuck with a really crappy nurse. I ran out of morphine and my machine was beeping so I pushed the call light and he ignored me for like an hour! So I was an hour without pain meds and was quickly headed downhill in the pain department! Finally we got him in here to give me some more meds than I slept for a couple of hours and am now doing good again. Been up walking, only hooked up to the iv...doing great! My incision looks really good (he completely closed it and no drains). Get to go in in the morning for my leak test and then I will finally get to sip, sip, sip! My mouth is sooo dry...can't wait!!! Will update again maybe tomorrow depending on how I am feeling

I can't believe it is finally here! In actuallity, the time flew by (especially since they moved me up a week!). I am past the nerves...at least until I get to the hospital! I am anxious and excited....ready to embark on this new journey...ready to get healthy!

I had to write a This I Believe essay as my final essay in my ENG 201 course this semester. I have had several people tell me I should share it on here, so here goes:

I believe that fat people are people too. Most of my life I have been ridiculed and looked down upon for being fat. It started for me in the third grade. It was then that I became not only the tallest kid in my class, but also the fattest. In fifth grade I was chosen to model in a fashion show put on by the fifth grade. I was nervous, quickly followed by mortified, when all the models went to JC Penny to shop for the clothes we would wear in the show. While all the other kids were looking through the racks of trendy “kids” clothes, I was forced to try and find something relevant in the women’s department. This fact was even announced during the show. It was like they were announcing to everyone “look, it’s the fattest girl in fifth grade.” I never wanted to be in the spotlight again. This was the first real trauma I experienced as a fat person. It was the first time that I truly realized that society does not treat fat people as people. Junior High PE was another traumatizing period in my life. We had to wear short green gym shorts and white t-shirts, which of course didn’t come big enough. Needless to say, all of my fat was exposed and jiggled relentlessly while I was forced to participate. The kids thought this was hilarious and the teachers bombarded me with disapproving looks. Like I wanted to be fat! Why couldn’t they just treat me like everyone else? I was a person too! I am 32 years old now and I am the fattest I have ever been. I still feel the social effects of being fat every day. I am a mother of three. It is devastating when my boys come to me sobbing over their friends making fun of them because their mom is fat. I hate that my size is affecting them. I don’t get out of the car when I drop them off or pick them up from school because they don’t want anyone to see how fat I am. My middle son has asked me numerous times why I have to be fat. How do I answer that? My oldest son has made numerous comments about not wanting to eat certain things because he doesn’t want to get fat like me. It hurts so bad to have my children talk this way. It infuriates me that society has taken on the view that fat people are disposable. That fat people do not deserve the same kindness that is afforded to other people. It is time that society realizes the fat people are people too!!!

Okay, so I am really stressing out. I found out about two hours ago that they are swapping my cousin and my surgery dates. They decided they want to put a filter in my cousin and because they drug their feet so long, they can't get it done before her surgery date on the 29th. So, they decided to switch us. Now, instead of going on January 5th, I am getting my surgery on December 29th! Needless to say, I am freaking! I have soo much to do. I had to change plans for my kids (which didn't make the ex and his girlfriend very happy!), I have to get everyone packed, and soooo much more!!! Wish me luck...I'm gonna need it....I was counting on that extra week for the mental preparation!

My DS has been officially scheduled for January 5 at 10:00 am. On December 17 I go in for all of my pre-op stuff. I must say that I am in a state somewhere between euphoria and sheer terror! I have moments where I am bouncing out of my seat with excitement at what the future has to offer me after this surgery...being able to do simple things like cross my legs, climb stairs without getting winded, tie my shoes without propping up my leg on something, being able to comfortably sit in the stupid desks that are in almost all of the classrooms on campus (you know, the things ppl without weight issues take for granted....to the more important things like taking my son hunting next fall, climbing the mountains with my boys up camping this summer, playing basketball with my boys, playing softball and being able to run the bases, living my life to the fullest without obesity standing in my way....knowing that I am healthier and have a better chance of living a long full life and with that knowing that I will be there for my boys as they grow up and set out on adventures of their own. Then I have those moments where I am terrified....terrified of the surgery, coming out of anesthesia, the very slim chance of something going horribly wrong, terrified of what will happen to my boys if something should happen and I don't make it out of the surgery (there is a 1% chance of death as with any surgery). I have to think about these things, I'm a mom and those are my boys... I know that this is something that I have to do...something that I want to do. I want to be there for my boys, to watch them grow and to be an active participant in their lives. I truly believe that the benefits far outway the risks. I have done my research (more than you can possibly imagine) and yes there are possible complications but living life as a morbidly obese person has it's possible complications to...and I risk dying young without the surgery so why not do what I can to try and change things for the better. Diets don't work...I've tried them and research has proven that those with a genetic predisposition to obesity cannot maintain weight loss through diet and exercise alone. Do I have a genetic predisposition to obesity? Well, take a look at my family on all sides and it will become painfully clear that I do. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I can finally begin to imagine my healthier future. I can't wait! I am truly on the journey to a healthier me!

OMG!!! OMG!!! My surgery is officially scheduled! I go in on January 5th to have the DS with Dr. Christian Oakley in Boise! It has been a long road and a bit of an uphill battle convincing him that this IS the surgery for me but everything has finally fallen into place. I'm in shock...I can't believe it!!!