Question:
Anyone had WLS and not told anyone? Regrets???
Anyone had WLS, not told anyone and never been found out? Did you not tell before and tell after? How was the news received? I haven't even told my family. I don't want opinions and everyones fears and worries on my mind. I have enough of my own and am having a hard time coping mentally for the surgery. — [Anonymous] (posted on December 7, 2001)
December 7, 2001
Hi there. I TOTALLY understand what you mean about not wanting people's
worries on your mind! I am still pre-op though, so my story is not about
WLS, it's about planes, lol. I know this is a little weird but my mom has
been DEATHLY afraid of flying all her life, and she really passed on that
fear to me. Well the first time I was going to go on a plane I was in my
freshman year of college, and I was going from Florida to Mass. to visit my
boyfriend. I was so scared of my mom frightening me out of going that I
didn't tell anyone but my brother about the trip. I remember bawling, just
balwing in my room before I had to go. It was hard not having anyone there
to support me and say "you'll be okay". I think for something
this major you do need _someone_ anyone to support you through it. It
doesn't have to be your family. If telling them is something you really
don't want to do because you're afraid they will wreck your emotional
state, try and find a good friend to go with you. You know I told my mom
about the trip right after I got back, and to this day she feels kind of
bad that I didn't tell her. So I really don't know if I made the right
choice. I really feel like honestly is the best policy in these things
though. No one can say for sure, but your family may be really hurt to
know didn't feel you could rely on them. And well, maybe you can't rely on
them so it's okay they feel that way, I don't know. When it comes to this,
you've got to do what's best for you. You have many options though... you
could tell your family about the WLS and just tell them "I've made my
mind up, and I'd like your support, but don't try to scare me or talk me
out of it". I'm sorry I'm rambling, lol. Whatever you decide, best
of luck!
— [Anonymous]
December 7, 2001
To me, this is a very personal thing. WLS. I have told my sister,(who has
weighed 100# her whole adult life), my 12 year old son, and my husband. No
co-workers/close friends.
I do have them for support. I also met 2 girls that live in Houston( where
I live)on this site.They are having surgery
this Tues. and mine is Wed. One os them is even going to be
in the same hosptial as me!!! Tomorrow we are meeting for the first time
face -face for a breakfast. We have been emailing for about 2 months. We
plan on supporting each other after the surgery. It's so wonderful. i
suggest you get at least 1-2 friends/family you can confide in for support,
and try and find a peer in your state on this site. you never know how
friendships can be formed. and
sometimes we can bond with other MO people because we deal
w/ the same issues. Good Luck
— Cindee A.
December 7, 2001
I understand why some people dont tell till AFTER surgery. Some friends
will try to sav us by telling horror stories and such. BUT AFTER surgery is
a very different thing. The fast weight loss and possible hair loss will
have everyone you know thinking you have cancer or AIDS. At this point
please TELL THE WORLD. You will be a walking billboard for a life saving
operation and just one of your friends could mention you to a MO friend of
theres and save THAT PERSONS life too. Better folks KNOW the truth than
having everyone figuring your dying.
— bob-haller
December 7, 2001
I planned on telling no one but my sister, but as time grew near i felt
guilty and told my parents. They were semi-supportive and did get on my
nerves a bit. I still went in on my own and made it my bizness. I never
told anyone else. Now i am 4.5 months out and people tell me how great i
look without the added weight loss surgery sympathy look. I think people
who tell everyone are VERY STRONG. But I was not strong enough to deal with
all the opinions, obvious oogling and undeniable gossip about me and my new
tummy. I am only 25 and do not have a lot of friends anyway, but my sis was
my strong shoulder and i depended a lot on this site and other online
support groups. I had an angel and tons of others to talk to and even see.
Good luck!
— Courtney W.
December 8, 2001
I didn't tell anyone at all about the surgery until I had researched it and
decided that it was for me. Once I decided that it was, I told my parents,
sister and grandparents and a couple of close friends. I also did not want
the horror stories that I was sure to get if I told before I had the
surgery. Now that I have had it I am very open about it. It was never
meant to be a secret. A lot of people that I work with have asked me
questions and have expressed interest in the surgery. In that way I feel
that I have helped others and if it had not been for the openess of a few
people that I talked to when I was doing my research I may not have been
able to make an educated decision. I understand that some people want to
keep it a secret but I don't. And if what I know can help others like me
then I am happy to share my experience with them. You have to make this
decision for yourself though. If you aren't comfortable sharing it, then
don't. It is your business afterall....! Good luck!
— Sharon E.
December 8, 2001
I have only told a select few!!MY husband my daughter and two friends.
These are my support people I work with all men who would NOT understand as
well as my parents and other family members. So I only told who I knew I
would need love and support from and told the others it was an oporation to
fix my heartburn problem. hope this helps
— [Anonymous]
December 8, 2001
I haven't told anyone that woud be inclined to be negative.( Some family
members). I have told my co-workers, who are all wonderful people. My only
caveat was that they could ask ALL the questions they wanted, but they
COULDN'T tell any stories like how their cousin's neighbor's Aunt Fanny
died from the surgery, etc. So far so good. I am very up front, but many
people at the support group have not told. For them it has been a good
choice, for others, they had friends with very hurt feelings afterwards. My
personal opinion, ( Mine only, folks, ) is that I think it is really wrong
to lie about how you lost the weight to other obese people. ( I know people
who have lost 90 pounds in 6 months with WLS and tell other obese people
that they did it by cutting back on sweets and exercising.) That's my
opinion.
I hope you find clarity to make your own choice. Take care and Happy
Holidays!
— [Anonymous]
December 8, 2001
So far, I have only told my parents, my brothers and sister, my boyfriend,
my roommates and my roommates' families, and a couple of VERY close
friends. I have some other friends that I would like to tell, but I
haven't seen them in a while and so they don't know how much weight I've
gained in the past couple of years. I didn't tell anyone at work (except
one) because there are a few particularly nosy biddies there who like to be
in the midst of the rumor mill and I don't need to be gossiped about for
taking a month off of work for elective WLS surgery. I'd rather just come
back from my "medical leave" 30 pounds lighter and keep dropping
while their jaws hit the floor every time I walk in the door :o)
— lvandyne
December 8, 2001
I only told my family and a couple of close friends in the beginning. I
worried about gossip but mostly I wanted to be sure that I would be
approved by my insurance company and the surgery was actually going to
happen. Since that all fell into place, I have been telling people as I go.
Sometimes it comes up in conversation, other times I just blurt it out. I
do want people to know so there isn't a bunch of false information flying
around my small town. And as a previous poster mentioned, I also didn't
want rumors spreading that I had cancer. A mysterious surgery and hospital
stay combined with rapid weight loss is sure to get the gossip going. I can
honestly say that I haven't had to face any negativity. A few concerns and
questions, but nothing but support. And more than a couple of people
expressed a bit of envy! I believe its up to each individual, but I'm happy
that I felt comfortable enough to be honest.
— Donna L.
December 9, 2001
While it is always someone's individual choice whether to tell others or
not, I have found through my experience of telling the WORLD (pre and post)
that it is amazing how many people are supportive of you and care about
you. I went into my surgery knowing that I was confident in my decision,
that my family was extremely supportive, and that I had love and support
from people that I had not even realized. From my experience, I would say
that you lose the opportunity for others to offer their love and support to
you when you do not let them know what is going on in your life.
— Susan F.
December 9, 2001
Why would anyone regret NOT telling? You can always choose to inform
someone you left in the dark, but the blabbermouth you wish you hadn't
trusted can never be un-told. When in doubt, keep mum--especially in the
workplace.
— [Anonymous]
December 13, 2001
I had my surgery in 1987 and have never told anybody but my very immediate
family. Husband and sons. Don't feel it is necessary for anybody to know
my business. The only thing I regret about not telling is I can't help
other heavy people decide to have the surgery. Good luck.
— [Anonymous]
March 18, 2003
I don't plan on telling anyone this time around. I did 2 years ago when I
was trying to get it done and EVERYONE was so negative. They were actually
happy I didn't get my approval by insurance. This time I am keeping quiet.
When I go to the hospital, I will figure out what to say, but this will
never be revealed.
— Aisha S.
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