Question:
how to convice my parents the surgery if for me?
I'm 18 years old and live in Australia. I have tried everything, like most of you, and believe this surgery if for me. After extensive research I suggested the idea to my parents and they wont have anything to do with it. I am a very private person and keep all my insecurities and worries to myself. Sometimes I would love to just pour my heart out to them about how difficult it is living as an obsese person, but I am too embarassed. Because of my age and lack of insurance, it is ultimately THEIR decision whether I will have the surgery or not. I am thinking of writing them a very long, detailed and honest letter about how I'm feeling, why I want the surgery and how it would benifit me. Hopefully then, something will click with them and they will see things from my point of view. I would love to hear from anyone who has been in a similiar situation, or anyone who has any links to letters or essays people in this sitation have written. It would be very much appreciated! I feel like I am getting nowhere with them :( — Emma K. (posted on June 15, 2002)
June 14, 2002
Ahh go ahead and write your letter, it cant hurt. Better would be to attend
some support group meetings, make some friends and start socilizing with
some successful post ops in front of your parents. All of you have dinner,
that sort of thing. Let the post op tell their story. <P> Seeing
successful post ops ho are healthy and happy may well make the difference.
<P> I also suggest you get a job with insurance so you can be
responsible for the cost yourself. This will also help prove how dedicated
you are to the decision.
— bob-haller
June 15, 2002
Dear Emma, when I was your age, I begged my parents for a
"nose-job" because I hated my nose so much. They refused. When I
was 21, I got it done myself. They were very angry, but to this day (and I
am 51 now!) I have NO REGRETS. I agree with the other post...get a job with
insurance and get it done yourself. By the way, my Aunt (a clinical
psychologist now in her 70's) was totally against my weight loss surgery.
She to this day, does not know that I even had wls. My parents are deceased
now, so her opinion has always meant a lot to me. However, she was
MISINFORMED by some former clients of hers, from the OLD procedures that
had some problems...When I see her this summer, I will tell her I had the
surgery. Meanwhile, none of the nasty phone messages and e-mails meant a
thing to me. That is the great part of being an adult. YOU get to take
responsibility for YOU and good or bad, you get the end results. Good luck
to you :-) Barb
— Barbara B.
June 15, 2002
Hello your 18 years old. First off educate them to death. Buy books print
out info heck make a graph for them. Am 27 years old and one nurse I saw
said well your the youngest person in the group. evryone else was in there
30's or 40's with a lifetime of heart ache. Boo to them it doesn't mean
because we are young that we have not struggled and lost battles with the
bulge. Trust me I wish to god I knew what you know at your age then I would
of had the surgery yaers ago and maybe I would of been a little braver
socially in my early 20's. I still currently am struggleing with my
insurance to get approved perisistants pays off. 1) You have to convince
your parents 2) Convince your doctor 3) convince the insurance people you
qualify 4) here comes the new you. Ive found it to be inspirational to go
to a support group and see people cry because there lives have changed so
much. Ive cryed many a night because of my weight. I would love to be a
normal size. I don't think ive even worn a bathing suit or a dress or even
shorts since I was in junior high. Look if you need help with your battle
plan write me [email protected]
— sheri B.
June 15, 2002
I can understand how you feel, and also how your parents feel. I am 41 and
had an RNY last Sept. Everything has gone great, no complications and I've
lost 120 pounds. I am the mother of a precious 19 year old daughter. If she
approached us about having WLS, I would be totally supportive. However, if
she approached us about having a major surgery for something that I felt
was uneccesary and dangerous, I would be in major panic mode. The
difference of course, is that I understand obesity and WLS. Your parents
probably don't have a clue about either, especially if they have never
struggled with weight issues. They are reacting out of fear and LOVE. The
previous posters are right, start educating your parents about WLS. Your
idea of writing them a letter telling them how you feel is excellent. It
may take some time for them to come around, try to be patient (hard, I
realize). Try to remember that they are most likely reacting this way out
of love for you and fear of losing you. I recommend trying not to turn it
into an arguement. Let them know that you appreciate the fact that they
care so much, and work hard at educating them so that the fear factor is
eased. Is there a seminar you can attend together? A support group meeting?
Would they visit a doctor with you? Assemble all the literature you can,
find out what their fears are and address them.
Try to avoid becoming emotional, tearful or combative. This will only
enhance the fear that you are "just a little girl who can't make such
a big decision". The more you come accross as a mature, well informed
adult woman, the easier it will be for them to take this seriously.
All that said, you may not ever convince them. It may be that you will have
to get a job with insurance and pay for this yourself. I assume that there
are two goals here, have WLS AND maintain a loving relationship with your
parents. Try not to turn it into a "combat issue", even if they
never accept the fact that WLS is a healthy choice that is right for you. I
wish you all the best!!
— Bobbie B.
June 15, 2002
I'm an adult (in my 40's) and have my own insurance, but I was TERRIFIED to
tell my parents about my decision to have WLS! I just knew that they would
be totally against it and their opinion really matters to me. However,
they were 100% for it and they have been, along with my husband, my top
supporters and cheerleaders. Maybe if you educate your parents about the
dangers of being obese, and what it will mean to you later in life, they
will begin to understand. When I was your age I was overweight but that's
all. After 25 years of being obese, I started having other problems - I
developed diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, reflux disorder,
hormonal problems, etc. If I could go back and have this surgery when I
was 18 or 19 and avoid all of those problems, I would do it in a heartbeat.
And, I know my parents would agree because they've seen for themselves
what morbid obesity does to your health. Please give your parents a
message from me: If you love your child, and would like to save her a
lifetime of mental and physical suffering, please let her have this
surgery! It's not easy, and there are a lot of lifestyle changes that have
to happen, but it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I've lost 105
pounds in 6 months and I'm healthier than I have EVER been in my whole
life!
— Susan C.
June 15, 2002
My brother had open rny done about a year ago, and the whole family was
against it (at the time I was fearful for him too), but he is now doing
wonderful and here I am, scheduled for open rny in August, amd with the
exception of a few relatives, my family is very supportive. Don't get
discouraged, if you know it is right for you, calmly state you have looked
at all the pros and cons and the pros outweigh the cons. I have a daughter
a few years younger than you and I would be more impressed if she sat down
and talk to me rather than a letter, but you know your family better. You
may also want them to browse through this site with you and view the
success stories, and let them see for themselves, that even some of those
who have had problems would still do it again if given the choice. Also,
ask if they would at least go to the surgeons visit with you and they can
get more information that way. I hope for the best for you God Bless you
and your family!
— Dana B.
June 17, 2002
well, show them the before and after pictures on this site. those success
stories can convince anyone. and, does australia have some kind of
government health care? in the us, well california at least we have
medicaid or medi-cal here, and it covers people til they are 21. i have it
because i am a poor starving student with a 4 year old. they are paying
100% of my surgery. or, like everyone else said , get a part time job with
benefits.
— christina K.
June 17, 2002
Yes, write them a letter if you feel you cannot speak openly to them.
THEN: Invite them to this site. Set them up some individual accounts so
they can ask their own questions. Then, I would print out this very
inquiry, and the responses to it and let them read it.
Then, be prepared! (You said you've researched it) so don't be surprised if
they start asking questions like: So what's your insurance coverage like?
Do you (or your parents) have a co-pay? Does it cover this proceedure?
Have you found a surgeon, hospital, support group for WLS? Have you joined
the support group? Which kind of surgery do you want? What made you choose
that particular surgery?
— Karen R.
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