Question:
What did you tell your children about surgery?
I have a 8 year old son and I will be having surgery in a couple of weeks. How did you explain your surgery to your children? I would like to hear how others handled this. Thanks. — Melanie B. (posted on February 11, 2003)
February 10, 2003
I said as little as possible. I believe that children need to be spared
the 'adult worries'. What I told mine, then 8 and 6, was that I was going
to the hospital to have my stomach fixed because it would make me healthy.
Its truthful and doesn't go into anything scary. They did ask basic
questions like, "what is wrong with your stomach?" and I would
just say that it didn't work right. Still truthful yet very vague. My
attitude remained positive (actually excited) so they were very excited for
me. Staying as vague as possible, they tended to get bored with the
subject easily and quickly. I think the worst thing is to scare the kids
with surgery lingo, be depressed or terrified, which in turn scares them to
death. Try to stay upbeat. No doom and gloom here. I wish you the best in
handling it!
— Cheri M.
February 10, 2003
It really depends on how mature your kids are. Mine were 5 & 7 at the
time and my 7 year old is very mature. I told him basically the same thing
that the previous poster noted, but I did tell him that I was going to have
surgery to help me lose weight. I explained to him that I would only be
able to eat small meals and no sugar items. It helped him to know
(especially more after surgery) what I could not eat and what I could.
That way he helped me and did not offer me foods that may not set well with
me (i.e. candy, chocolate). Be excited when talking to them about it.
Don't let them know you may have any fears. Once they see you losing
weight and comment on how pretty you look skinny....it will be all worth
it. My kids glow now when they talk about how pretty mommy is skinny. It
really makes me feel good.
— Cindy M.
February 10, 2003
I told my 6 year old foster son, that I was having my tummy fixed and that
it would help me not be so fat. He came and saw me in the hospital on my
4th day in, I was in for 5 days. By seeing me in the hospital, it really
helped him understand that mama couldn't have him sit on her
"lap" for a while. He was very gentle and told me that he still
loves me even with my big owie. Keep it simple.
— [Deactivated Member]
February 10, 2003
Always tell your children the truth.. Its the way that its presented thats
important. Children respond to the way what your saying is said, such as
tone. If you let them know with facial expression that you are happy and
exicited, they will be as well. If you tell them with fear and dought, the
same applies. My lil girl Charity (8) was as gitty as I was. Even in the
hospital she came to see me, I smiled at her and expressed to her just how
thrilled I was that it was done and she did the same. Even when she asked
if it hurt I told her I had medicine (which was true) that helped me feel
better. Are you exicited and happy? If so show it!
— Karen Kay (KK) O.
February 10, 2003
I HAD THE SURGERY 6 MONTHS AGO. I HAVE 4 CHILDREN WITH 1 ON THE WAY NOW. I
HAVE LOST OVER 150 LBS. I NEVER REGRET MY DECISION TO DO IT ONLY THAT I
DIDN'T DO IT YEARS AGO. I TOLD MY KIDS THAT I WAS TIRED OF DIETING ALL THE
TIME AND NEVER KEEPING THE WEIGHT OFF. I SAID THIS WOULD HELP ME FINALLY BE
HEALTHY SO THAT MY HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE WOULD GO AWAY AND MY ASTHMA WOULDN'T
KEEP ME IN THE HOUSE ALL THE TIME. IT WORKED!!! MY KIDS LOVE THE NEW ME AND
STILL HAVE QUESTIONS BUT I AM ALWAYS HONEST AND TELL THEM AS MUCH AS I CAN
BUT GEAR IT TOWARDS THEIR LEVEL. GOOD LUCK!!!
— SHERRY P.
February 11, 2003
I am two weeks post op, and I had no problems telling my 6 and 7 yr old
that I was having the surgery....it also helped that they had a grandpa,
grandma, and an aunt who had the surgery before me, so they were very well
aware of what was going to happen. They saw me in the hospital on my second
day and it didn't even phase them. They continually ask questions about
different things with the surgery, and like to be informed on mommy's
progress. I am very happy that they are apart of this whole experience.
— jdrsmommy
February 11, 2003
I have ALWAYS been the type to shield children from the adult world. There
are some things that I feel children do not need to know or to worry about.
When I was pre-op and dieting a lot, I never discussed this with my
children. I didn't want to mess up their own body image. I never said
anything about wishing I was thinner, or criticize my body in front of
them. Children do not need that. So, when I had surgery I told my children
nothing. At the time I had a `13 year old who I told that I was going to
the hospital for surgery but that everything was fine and it was private
and I would be home in a few days. My 4 year old twins were told that I was
on a trip. Of course, no one visited me in the hospital (except my husband
and my 8 month old). For my children this was how it was handled the best.
Since pre-op, I never made my weight an issue, when I was losing weight
post op, it wasn't an issue then either. In fact, it was not even mentioned
to them. I'm sure the 13 year old noticed (but what 13 y.o. boy really is
interested in their mom's weight?) and my 4 year olds and 8 month old never
noticed, of that I am certain!!! It's been nice not having my surgery be
the focus of our lives. I am just their normal mommy. Of course this is
totally my own opinion, your mileage may vary. Shelley
— Shelley.
February 11, 2003
I am scheduled to have surgery on March 12. I have a soon to be 10 yr old
son. Who is very smart, very mature and always has his nose in everything.
I have always been very open with my son about everything. I had him at
the age of 17 and he was my only companion for a lon time so he was my
everything. Even my best friend at times. *_* He is very much aware of
the surgery, I explained the pros and cons. He wouldn't accept anything
less than that. I explain the resons why I wanted this done. I left out
the appearance issue. I focused solely on health issues and everyday
things that I could not do. I felt like I had to do this for him, because
he is also heading down my path. So I want to make him aware. Hope To
have helped you out some. *_* Good luck to you and a speedy and healthy
recovery! Regards,
— Dayanara A.
February 11, 2003
I had my Open RNY 9/30/02 and I told my children the truth. My children
were getting abused by other children about their mom being fat, and it
broke my heart. Even one of the Mothers of these children said that I
should go on a diet and it was repeated to my 10yo. Both the girls knew I
was doing this for very good reasons, and that it was the best for me. My
10yo was worried but understanding and my 7yo was so blase about it. I
have since lost 100 lbs and the best compliment I ever have gotten was from
my girls....they said "Mom, we can't tell that you lost weight because
we never saw you as fat". Even though there is a big change in my
appearence, to them I am and always will be their Mom.
— EMN
February 11, 2003
I'm pre op and have told my children that I am going to have wls. I told
them that it is going to help me lose weight and therefore, I will be
healthier & more energetic, and we will be able to do more fun things
together. This really excites my 5yo daughter!! My 10yo son is a bit
concerned, he even asked if I could die, and please don't bash me for this,
but I chose to tell him the truth. That YES it is possible, but I could
also die from being obese. I told him about the many health problems that
are obesity related, and that I could end up very sick from my weight if I
didn't do something about it now. He completely understands. Good luck to
you.
— Cat S.
February 11, 2003
Cat I applaud you for telling your kids the truth and knowing they can
handle it. I have told my children that I am having this surgery and feel
that as a parent we know what our children can and can not handle.
— Marcy S.
February 11, 2003
My sister had a LAP RNY last July. My son (age 10), knew that Aunt
"L" had the surgery to help her lose weight. He clearly sees the
difference in her since she has lost 89 pounds. I just started talking
about the surgery during normal conversation, not making an issue of it in
particular. He knows the surgery is called a gastric bypass and that it
helps a person to lose weight. He knows his aunt is totally fine and looks
great. I asked him the other day how he felt about my having the surgery
and he said it was my decision, but he felt happy. He told me he would
miss me while I was in the hospital and wanted to come visit me and help
daddy take care of me when I get home. He's just too smart for me to be
secretive or evasive about it since he has seen his grandparents and father
in the hospital over the years, since he was quite young. He knows that
hospitals help people most of the time and has no fear of them.
— Fixnmyself
February 11, 2003
I agree with several of the other posters in that we each as parents know
what our kids can and can not handle as well as how much of it they can
handle. I have a 8 year old girl, 5 year old boy and a 1 yr old girl...now
obviously i didnt tell the 1 yr old anything lol but the other two i set
them down and told them very basicaly that mom was going to see a doctor
about gettign her stomach fixed so that she could lose weight and be able
to be more healthy and do more stuff with them. My sons reaction was
" you can teach me to play ball then" and then he took off to
watch the Power rangers lol. My 8 year old has always been very very smart
and mature so i knew i was not going to get off that easy with her. We
talked for over a hour about it she ask questions and i told her the truth.
even ended up showing her some pictures lol. I do want to make a comment
and no i am not bashing or anything just wanted to say to thoose who think
that your children are not "aware" of your weight issuies guess
again they are and you can bet that they have had at least one
"friend" make comments about it as well. Kids are more aware of
their enviroment then we think or want to believe. Its been 5 months since
my surgery and i have lost 93 pounds ...aremy kids aware of it you
bet!....my son recently commented on the fact that mom is able to play tag
with him now (havent won yet lol) and my oldest walked in to the kitchen
the other day and said " you know what mom that surgery really worked
you are alot skinnier" good luck with what ever you deside to tell
your kids you are the one who knows them best
— Becky M.
February 15, 2003
Hi! I'm pre-op, and a single mom of an extremely intelligent 9-year-old
son. He's an only child, and like lots of only children, very adult-like.
I've been very open with him throughout my wls journey so far, because I've
had to see lots of specialists, and stay overnight at the hospital a couple
of times, and no way was that gonna slip past his notice! He's gone through
several reactive phases...happiness, anticipation, fear, uncertainty. We
communicate well with each other, however, and have talked about what's on
his mind through each phase. I've even brought him on here and we've looked
at before/after pics together when he expressed that I'd look weird any way
other than how I look, lol. When I went for my Night 2 sleep study, I took
my camera and asked the tech to take a pic of me rigged up in the cpap
headgear and mask, so I could show it to him. I just can't imagine my son
not being involved in such a majorly life-changing process, but then, I
know his maturity level and what he's capable of handling, and how best to
present the information to him that he wants and feels he needs. Good luck
to you! :)
— Dragon G.
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