Question:
I'm a wrong for not wanting to tell?
I have 5 good friends where I work. One is my boss and another has had weight loss surgery. I have told both of them. In fact, I have been going to support groups with my friend that has had the surgery. She should be a poster child for WLS. She has done so well and is losing her weight right on schedule. Anyway, those two friends really want me to tell the other three. However, the other three have made repeated negative remarks about WLS and obesity in general. I love them dearly and don't really want to keep secrets, but to me this is the most private and personal decision I have ever made and for some reason I want to keep it close to me and I don't need any negativity right now. I'm I wrong for not wanting to tell them? — Jennifer H. (posted on April 23, 2003)
April 23, 2003
You don't have to tell anyone you don't want to and your friends should not
pressure you to do so. There are only a handful of people who know I am
about to do it. I just told my family last weekend and I have known since
December that I was going to do this. It is your life and if you don't
want anyone to know, you shouldn't tell them. The way I see it is it is no
one's business but mine. Good luck to you.
— Dawn P.
April 23, 2003
No you are not wrong. This is a very personal and life changing decision
you have made. I only told a few select people at work and of course my
family. When people start to notice your weight loss and ask how you did
it, just let them know you eating the right things and excersing. Good
Luck!
— Terrie R.
April 23, 2003
You are not wrong! I've told only my husband, mother and two best friends.
And even though both friends are supportive, their negative comments now
and then bug me. But I wouldn't tell another living soul no matter how
close I was. Why? I just...want to do this and be proud of the weight
loss without having anyone tell me that it had nothing to do with me but
was all the surgery. People don't understand the work involved in loosing
weight and that its harder to do this surgery then it is not too. They
don't grasp the concept that this isn't just a diet but an entire new life.
I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through it or researched it and is
jumping through all the hoops to get it done, like me, could ever
understand the magnitude of what this surgery is and does.
— Renee B.
April 23, 2003
Your friends may guess after surgery when you start dropping weight and
eating much smaller amounts like your poster child friend. I told very few
people pre-op for the same reason, I didn't want to hear the negativity,
but was a little more open after surgery. Keep in mind, though that if you
have told 2 people at work, then it may get out so just be prepared. Your
privacy is your own and whom you tell is your decision, but once you tell,
you have no control over who others tell.
— Cindy R.
April 23, 2003
Hi there. I am also scheduled for surgery soon. But unlike you, I decided
to tell people. I'm proud of this surgery and I'm proud that I'm getting in
control of my body. I will tell you, that I absolutely respect your
decision to not tell anyone who doesn't have to know. Sometimes it's
difficult to gauge what reactions are going to be to the WLS. My response
to the nay-sayers is that if they were educated about this surgery and the
wonderful things that can happen, they too would be applauding my decision
to get healthy and remain that way. You are NOT wrong in your decision to
keep it quiet. It is SUCH a personal decision and for me, it's just easier
to talk about it - that seems to calm most of my fears about it. Also, I
didn't want people to wonder what was "wrong" with me when I
started losing a ton of weight.
Good luck with your surgery and don't worry about telling those other
people. Go with your heart. ;) Best wishes, Cheryl
— Cheryl M.
April 23, 2003
I chose to tell my mother and my best friend. I did not share with anyone
at work. I am a nurse and work with many other nurses who can be very
judgemental regarding WLS. I needed to maintain a positive outlook.
Co-workers just think that I have been successfully dieting. You need to be
comfortable going into the surgery. Continued best wishes on your journey.
— Susan B.
April 23, 2003
I didn't tell. I wanted to keep it from my in-laws for lots of great
reasons. Here's a tip though... now that I'm further out, I've gotten
loose lips and sometime I forget who knows and who doesn't. Now I worry
that it'll get back to my MIL (disaster time!). If I had it to do again, I
still wouldn't tell my in-laws, and I also wouldn't tell anyone else!
(except for the dh, MOM and best friend of course).
— mom2jtx3
April 23, 2003
No one at my work knows. It's very hard to hear comments from people who
don't understand the surgery. All they think about is danger. I'm very
selective about who knows. There's no reason for everyone to know.You're
not wrong at all. I didn't want it to be the talk all the time.Plus the
naive people who see this as an "easy out". This is the hardest
thing I ever did in my life.
— Debbie W.
April 23, 2003
Because I KNEW what I wanted (the surgery of course), and was so he!! bent
on the surgery, and had read so much about it etc, I almost enjoyed to hear
the debating that people gave me about having the surgery. Any negativity
that people had, I had it in my mind that they were in a way very jeolous
of what I was doing, and that I think that they are somewhat intimidated by
what type of a person I would be if I wern't "fat Tammy". I
would say if you don't want to tell, don't, but don't be afraid to say
exactly how you feel about what you are doing. Be proud that you are
making a decision to live a better life.
— sheri H.
April 23, 2003
I would then wait till after you have surgery. Why listen to their moaning.
If there MO it might be all about themselves, more than anything else. My
step mom and much of my fanmily out of state is MO and she came down
clearly anti WLS after seeing me and jen for the first time since we both
had surgery. It was a let down but it was her rejecting it for the group in
phoenix. After all we were both posties, so her opinion wqas truly
meaningless at this point.One time she filled the roiom we stay in with WW
info and thats all she talked about while I was there. It pissed me off so
I seriously considered never visiting again. BTW her WW program failed the
next time I saw her shae had to of gained 50 pounds.
— bob-haller
April 23, 2003
i think you are doing the right thing. why tell them? you aren't keeping a
secert...your keeping your personal life to yourself. what good is it going
to do if you tell them? what is even the POINT of telling them? good luck
— franbvan
April 24, 2003
Jennifer,
Stay true to yourself. Telling these folks won't do any good. They won't be
your support system so don't bother. For me, I told everyone but that's
what worked for me and that may not be best for you! It's okay to choose
who you want to know. I would tell your boss and this other person to not
say anything. You don't feel you'd get any support from them right now and
that's what you need and to please honor that! You may change your mind in
the future and that's fine. But for now, take care of yourself and do
what's best for you! People don't have to agree with your decision but they
should respect it!
— Linda M.
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