Question:
What do I tell people prior to surgery.
I have my surgery date scheduled for September 13. My husband is very supportive, but I haven't told anyone else other than my mother-in-law and 1 sister. I hesitate to tell anyone else what kind of surgery I am having because I really don't feel like explaining my decision to everyone. I do plan on telling people after the surgery if they should ask. I will need to let my dad and 2 other sisters know that I am in for surgery, but since I have already had my gall bladder out, what can I say? My sisters are both nurses, so they will be more informed than others might be. — [Anonymous] (posted on June 1, 2001)
June 1, 2001
I only told few close people to me that I was having surgery. I didnt tell
anyone at work. I think that I regret that decision. I made the decision
for the same reasons you did. I didnt want to have to explain my decision
to the world. I also didnt want to be the talk of the town. Well,when I
lost 100 pounds after a mere nine months, I was the talk of the town
anyway. Rumors flew and I unfortunately had to lie about having surgery
when confronted directly about it.(how balsy of them!) Anyway.... if I had
to do it all over again, I would probably say I was having WLS.. if people
had questions, Id tell them to check out this web site and excuse myself
quickly so I didnt have to hear their unasked for opinions. Good luck
— Jeannet
June 1, 2001
Like you, I told select family members and only a couple of friends at
work. (I wanted as much positive energy around me as possible so I limited
who knew.) I told everyone else is a quite offhand way, "It's
abdominal, no big deal, I will be fine." No one pushed for more
information so maybe my tone made them keep their questions to themselves.
One friend at work was questioned about what I had done and she would reply
that she wasn't sure but (again) "It was something abdominal."
Guys seem to assume it's something female and don't want to push it. Now
that I've had the surgery, I don't care who knows. I am doing well and
maybe it will help someone else. Above all, do whatever is best for you. (I
decided that this was like planning my wedding -- my time to do what is
best for me and to heck with what others thought.)
— Pamela C.
June 1, 2001
I did the exact opposite of the other two posts...I told EVERYONE! I still
haven't had surgery yet (June 14th), but so far everyone here is very
supportive to my face. Behind my back I've heard that the responses aren't
so positive. I knew that no matter what I said, I'd get 5 million
questions from certain people at work, and I just figured it's easier for
me to be honest and tell the truth than to panic over what I've said, etc.
However, I wish I hadn't been so forthcoming. I hate it when people can't
say what the really feel to my face. ANYWAY, I guess it really depends on
if you're comfortable with you're answer. I debated on this for about a
month, and finally decided that I would tell. And like I said, I'm
questioning that now... GOOD LUCK!
— Becky H.
June 1, 2001
My surgery date in set for July 17th. at first I didn't want to tell
anyone. But people do gossip and I know that if I saw someone huge one day
and 6 months later they lost 100 lbs then I would be in on the gossip as
well or think that they are either sick or on some drugs. So I decided to
tell the people in my group at work and in school. The cool think is that
we joke around about it on a daily basis. That my husband is going to have
to chain and lock me up. They even went as far as giving me a nickname
which is Buddy love. My immediate family knows about the surgery and they
have given me 100% support, well all except my father. He doesn't agree
with me desicion but he knows I'm going to do it anyway.
— Valli
June 1, 2001
My surgery date in set for July 17th. at first I didn't want to tell
anyone. But people do gossip and I know that if I saw someone huge one day
and 6 months later they lost 100 lbs then I would be in on the gossip as
well or think that they are either sick or on some drugs. So I decided to
tell the people in my group at work and in school. The cool think is that
we joke around about it on a daily basis. That my husband is going to have
to chain and lock me up. They even went as far as giving me a nickname
which is Buddy love. My immediate family knows about the surgery and they
have given me 100% support, well all except my father. He doesn't agree
with me desicion but he knows I'm going to do it anyway.
— Valli
June 1, 2001
Like you, I did not want to tell everybody before the surgery. I told only
those whom I felt comfortable telling and those who I knew would not be
judgmental. Everyone else I told I was having uterine fibroids removed or I
was having "female surgery". Not one person questioned me. I'm 7
weeks post-op today and I'm much more comfortable speaking about my WLS now
that it's over. By handling it this way I avoided the judgments,
well-meaning but not really helpful advice and having to hear opinions from
people who haven't walked in my shoes. We're not obligated to tell our
personal business to anyone and not everyone we knows tells us all of their
business. Find your comfort zone and don't stray too far outside of it and
you'll be fine. It sounds like you're doing that already. Best of luck to
you.
— [Anonymous]
June 1, 2001
I'm still pre-op too and only have only told 3 people. I'm not even
telling my best friend. I've been telling everyone I'm having surgery to
correct GERD, which is true. I also explain that I'll have to be on
liquids and soft foods afterwards to let it heal which will explain the
weight loss.
— Lori W.
June 1, 2001
I'm 20 days preop and I told my coworkers even some of my students. It was
interesting watching their reactions. Of course you can expect folks to be
great to your face and something else behind your back but that's life.
It's not that I can not loose the weight -- it's that I can't keep it off,
this surgery will help me obtain long term results. I also ask doubters
why they don't want me to be a normal sized person? That usually enough
and if it's not too bad. I know I'm going to look great and feel great
after my surgery. The best thing about being forthcomming was that in
disclosing my surgery I found four other patients and didn't even realize
that I had a built in support group!! You've made a teriffic decision one
that will change your life congradulations and all the best!!!
— [Anonymous]
June 1, 2001
I told everyone, and I made it a point to disregard any "advice"
that I received from people who have no experience in the matter. I ask
myself this...What is this person's experience in this area. If it is none,
then I can be safe to assume that they don't know what they are talking
about. Who cares if people gossip...so what?
— Peter S.
June 1, 2001
I am also dealing with this sort of question. I have not told my family
except my husband and only 3 friends. I am in the same situation that I,
too, have had my gallbladder removed 2 years ago, but am already thinking
of things to say regarding my sitatuion and I'm planning on saying that I'm
having stomach problems and the doctors are going in to see what the
problem is and fixing whatever seems to be 'wrong'.. I really don't want
to say anything to my coworkers as everysingle one of them is thin or at
least don't have to worry about their weight to say the least. I don't
want their advise nor their lectures. My husband is really supportive in
my decision to have WLS, he is even considering having it done himself once
I've recovered from my surgery (he also has 100+ lbs to lose).
— trtorrey
June 1, 2001
I never even considered NOT telling my family. I even told my husband's
family when we were there on vacation last year and was amazed at the
interest and support that I received from them! I did not tell my coworkers
including my new boss what I was having surgery for. I have volunteers that
help me (I work at a church) and I told two of them. Unfortunately one of
them chose to share the information with others and rumors started. I had
to call my boss (the pastor) and tell him over the phone what I had done so
he didn't hear it from someone else. As it turns out he was understanding.
I'm actually starting to feel a little odd now when people ask me how I
lost all my weight (110 lbs. so far). I almost feel like I HAVE to tell
them in order to be honest even though there are times I don't WANT to tell
them. It's a double edged sword at times. You would think that after 9
months and this big of a loss I would feel better about myself (and I
really do), but a little part of me is still ashamed that I had to resort
to surgery since I couldn't do it on my own.
— georgiacarol
June 2, 2001
I only told those closest to me. A few of which I didn't tell until the
very last minute. However, others took it upon themselves to share all the
details with those I decided I didn't wanted to have that information. In
the end, it seems they all find out, anyway!
— Lindsey G.
June 3, 2001
Before, during, and now after my surgery, it has become an obsession for
me. I talk to anyone who wants to know. I AM not going to be ashamed of
telling people about my surgery, and if they have a problem with it, that's
up to them. I have found so much support it is unbelievable. I have had a
few people with a negative attitude towards it, and I kill them with
education. Most people that will give you negative feedback are full of
ignorance, and I try to keep away from those types of people anyway. I do
agree that having surgery is a very personal decision, In my way of
thinking..... It is a miracle and the best opportunity I have ever come
across as a permanant way of losing weight. If I can educate people about
it, there may be lives I am saving, who knows? I do know that 3 of my best
friends are getting ready for their surgery, as well as a few of my co
workers. I truly feel blessed that I was able to have surgery, and have no
complications. If I can give something back for all the support and prayers
that were said for me, I feel like I should. Just remember, ultimately, you
are doing this for YOU and no one else. If you don't think you can handle
negative feedback, or are not sure about your decision, maybe you should
hold off for a while? Just a thought. I know this question is often very
controversial. Every one has different opinions/ideas on this subject. I am
just telling you mine. Do what is right for YOU. Good Luck!
— Kim B.
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