Question:
How do I handle people who tell me this is the easy way out?
I know it's the hard way out. It's a desperate grasp to have a normal life. But they don't seem to understand and I don't feel like outlining my life story to them or telling them details about my life that will be gossiped about. I don't like telling people about dieting attempts or the reason why it's so difficult for me to lose the "old fashioned way" I am adament about lying, I don't do it and I don't like to be lied to, but I can't find a comfortable response other than "it's a personal decision" Am I handling this okay? — HeidiMc (posted on March 7, 2003)
March 7, 2003
I think you are handling it just fine. If there are people who insist it's
the easy way out then try your darndest to ignore the ignorance. It is not
an easy way out. There are emotions to deal with, morning your best friends
death (food), not being able to reach for the food for comfort, etc. Lots
of things change after surgery and it is not easy. You get used to it after
a bit and it is fine, but in the beginning it leaves you wondering what the
heck you did to yourself. Every once in a blue moon I get into a funk still
and want to pig out and can't. Sometimes it really stinks, but if I didn't
do it, the alternative stunk more.
— Cinna G.
March 7, 2003
Tell them all the goriest details . . . then tell them to eat BM and Choke!
Good luck . . . I have only told two people! Michele :)
— Michele D.
March 7, 2003
Yes, I think you're handling it just fine by not getting drawn into a
discussion where you try to justify your decision to others. Bottom line
is, it *is* a personal decision. Therefore, you don't really need their
approval, understand, or concurrence, and you don't need to engage in a
debate about your health (it's your health, not theirs). I suppose you
could spend time pointing out the dismal statistics for M.O.'s who try
conventional dieting and exercise, or mention that America's getting fatter
by the minute with no end in sight. But why bother? This is a decision
for you, and nobody else cares about your health (or what you live through
as an M.O.) as much as you do. Don't try to please them or argue with
them. Let your positive results down the line be their education. Best
wishes!
— Suzy C.
March 7, 2003
Gee, thanks for your concern. I tried the "hard way" 16
times/since I was 12/ and now I am under a doctor's care. We decided the
"easy" way was the way to go now. Wish I hadn't tried so hard
before. You will be a success!
— M. A. B.
March 7, 2003
I've said this a million times, but this is one of the reasons I chose to
keep my very PERSONAL MEDICAL DECISION to myself. And no, this does not
mean I'm "ashamed" of my decision, it means that it's a PERSONAL
MEDICAL DECISION.
Once you tell someone, you can never un-tell.
— Angie M.
March 7, 2003
The easiest way to deal with this was to keep it to ourselves! You are not
obligated to share this personal information with anyone - not even with
your mother. We joined a support group and have only told 2 family members
- our 12 year-old daughter, who is great at keeping things to herself and
Thomas' mom. We only told his mom because she came out to help us after
surgery and it has been a struggle to get her, the "adult", to
keep it to herself! If put in a situation where we had to tell people we
were having surgery, we said it was abdominal surgery. If pressed for more
details, we said it was personal.
Lots of people disagree with this approach, but you know the attitudes of
the people around you. We knew how much complete disdain my parents view
people that have had their "stomache stapled". We decided to
spare ourselves the grief and you can do the same.
Best wishes to you and remember to do what's best for you. Don't let other
nay-sayers discourage you - whatever your decision may be.
— jnc
March 7, 2003
How is it coming up? I sit because of the amount of weight you have lost.
Smile coyly and say thats my little secret. If they are asking about why
you are choosing surgery then you're answer could be it was what my dr
recommended or it was a personal decision. I never told anybody except the
group the first time. I am not planning on telling anybody at work. I have
vacation time set up for this and will use that instead. Good luck.
— snicklefritz
March 7, 2003
— chickiewickie
March 7, 2003
The easy way out, they say? WLS is definitely not the "easy way
out".
<p>
If you diet, you can always stop dieting or switch to a different diet.
<p>
WLS is, for all intents and purposes, a permanent change in your anatomy.
This is a BIG step and it's not for everyone. But for many it's the only
way that they can lose and keep off weight....JR
— John Rushton
March 7, 2003
When someone says "You're taking the easy way out" smile sweetly
and say "I assume you're walking home today, right?" Because
driving would be the easy way out. And when you get home you'll only use
candles and cook over a fire, right? Because using electricity would be
the easy way out. Oh, and you'll be going hunting with a bow and arrow for
your dinner, right? Because hunting with a gun would be the easy way out
and going to the grocery store would DEFINITELY be the easy way out!
Sometimes when you point out how ridiculous all this is it helps people to
see how foolish their concept of WLS is. In many ways WLS is the easy way
but we all know that the surgical experience and recovery is really hard.
I prefer to call WLS the "doable" way. Oh, and just so I won't
be taking the easy way out I'll be chiseling this reply in stone and
carrying it cross country to each of you via horse and buggy. It's time
for the detractors to come on into the future and learn to be as grateful
as we are that technology has given us this wonderful gift!!
— ronascott
March 7, 2003
Well, for what it's worth, I got to the point where I just said,
"After years of nothing else working, this is the ONLY way out. And
no, it is NOT easy. It's the hardest thing I've gone through." I say
this firmly, in a manner that does not invite criticism or negative
opinions. Good luck hun, and remember that what anyone else thinks truly
does not matter as long as YOU believe in what you are doing!
— SuzAnne S.
March 7, 2003
Okay, this is probably going to sound judgemental and harsh, and it's not
intended too, but this is where being raised with four brothers kicks in
for me because they taught me that opinions are like a**holes, everyone's
got one! Just say thank you for sharing and move one. What does it matter
what acquaintences and strangers think about your life? Let it roll. If
it's someone very close to you, just tell them that you see it diferently
and that you hope that once they see your success, they will too. Have
confidence in yourself and your ability to make good decisions and they
will come around. Many blessings, Robin
— rebalspirit
March 7, 2003
Honestly? I laugh! We have two choices here. We can choose to continue to
beat ourselves up and pretend that our obesity is some weakness of
character. Or, our other option is to see obesity for the disease process
that it is, solve the problem, and move on with our lives. I have had
people suggest to me that they think I opted for the easy way out and I
laughed and told them "Thanks, you bet I did!" And, yes, that
does usually shut them up! No one is entitled to an opinion when it comes
to your health and quality of life, no one except for you! ((hugs))
— NicoleG
March 7, 2003
I agree with simply saying "thank you for sharing" and walking
away. Personally, I think people that say that are being totally rude and
are itching to fight.
— fropunka
March 7, 2003
How about this: "You know, I thought that too, so I've asked the dr to
do the surgery without any anaesthesia. That way I can be thin AND suffer
for it!" ;)<p>No, really, when someone says it is the easy way
out, just smile and say, "Yes, you're right! And aren't I smart for
taking advantage of it?" Then walk away. Pu-leeeeze folks! Can you
believe people actually think we have to SUFFER to be thin? Isn't being fat
punishment enough? I love postop life: For me it IS easy! I don't have to
wade through a puddle (or sea!) of guilt every time I eat something or try
on clothes or look in the mirror. Having my guts cut open and rearranged
was probably not "easy" but it was certainly worth it for me!
(Plus, I was asleep at the time! ;)
— ctyst
March 7, 2003
Is surgery for someone with heart disease "taking the easy way
out" after all they should just start exercising and eat right,
shouldn't they? How about surgery for cancer? Taking the easy way? Morbid
obesity is a disease just like heart disease and cancer and just has I will
never be cured of my diabetes, I will also always suffer from morbid
obesity, the best I can hope for is to keep it in remission. Hey, how about
the knee surgery when my knees give out due to the weight? Is that taking
the easy way? If I take insulin for my diabetes? How about that?
I get really torked at people who say this. How about they follow me around
and eat what I do (and drink all that water) and exersize with me, lets see
how easy they think it is then! OK, I'll but away my soap box.
— Sunny S.
March 7, 2003
Do people tell diabetics who take insulin to control thier blood sugar
instead of change of diet that they are taking the easy way out. Are
smokers who use the patch instead of just suffering through withdrawl
taking the easy way out? You know what...there is no easy way out...I'm
too big to fit! I also mention that this is something I have looked into
for a year and not a rushed desicion...but hey for some people it is....so
what? It's a personal decision that I made for myself after living my
life...for once it is about me.
— Sarahlicious
March 7, 2003
haha ohhhhhhhh gosh there are some really frisky people on this site! love
all your answers. good luck
— k K.
March 7, 2003
I find that the ones who tell me I'm taking the "easy way out"
are often the "skinny" ones that pass judgment on me for begin
overweight to begin with. What a catch 22!! They want us to be thin and
attractive but for heaven sakes, DON'T DO ANYTHING DRASTIC TO GET THAT
WAY!!! Just eat rabbit food and work your *** off five hours a day.
Hypocrites!
— Jennifer M.
March 7, 2003
Hmmm. The easy way out? Let's see. I risked possible death for surgery,
then the several months of pain and recovery. Now my guts are all
rearranged and I'm Permanately changed.
Who knows what long term consequences there are for RNY (as it is still not
that old). And I have to make permanate changes in how I eat and relate to
food. Never again will anything ever be the same. It's not like falling off
the diet wagon. There is no falling off this wagon as I have to live with
the results of the surgery, good or bad. Even if I could lose all my weight
(still overweight at 22 months) I still can't go back to eating like I once
did. The easy way out??? NO WAY! ;)
— Danmark
March 7, 2003
I would tell them it really isn't any of their business.
but your way is probably more PC.
— thekatinthehat
March 7, 2003
Just laugh!!!
— Kathy S.
March 7, 2003
It is unsolicited advice and you must treat it like that! Smile, simply
nod your head and say "thank you" for the concern- and add that
it is really not something they should have to concern themselves with,
after all they have not researched it as much as you have- and showing your
backbone is not a crime. You could also explain that you get many of these
questions/concerns and it gets a little OLD.
— Karen R.
March 7, 2003
I think anyone who loves/cares about you, would know you are doing this to
improve your life. I think someone saying "easy way out" is just
giving a cheap shot
— WABBIT F.
March 7, 2003
We all know it's NOT the easy way out but so what if it was? Or if anyone
thinks it is. An entire weight loss industry is built on everyone wanting
the easy way out. Why would anyone want the hard way if they could have
the easy way? Why do we have to be martyrs? We all know it's hard and
it's not the easy way out but I don't understand why IF it was easy that
would be a bad thing. When I have root canal, I have novacaine. Should I
have it without it? When I go out, I drive, should I walk no matter how
far it is? When I go grocery shopping, I use a cart. should I try to
carry all my groceries in my arms? I take LOTS of easy ways because to do
otherwise is to be stupid. Why should I suffer so others are satisfied
that I have suffered enough. My "suffering index" doesn't need
anyone's approval. Phooey on that idea.
— susanje
March 7, 2003
Hi Heidi, because I'm PMSing really bad right now, I'll share some snappy
answers to those stupid comments about taking the easy way out: 1) As most
American adults have a weight problem, unless the person saying the
"easy way out" stuff to you is model-thin, I would stare at them,
roll my eyes and say "Well, obviously whatever you're doing is NOT
working. 2) Depending on how important the person's friendship is to you,
you coult retort with "...and if I'd wanted to hear from an a**hole, I
would have farted!" Hope I didn't scare you off, I am being a little
cheeky. I just don't like it when people are unkind about things they
don't understand. Peace, Mea
— Mea A.
March 7, 2003
If I did not ask them for their opinion, I would just say " that is
your opinion, and If I wanted it I would ask for it." The thing that
seems to happen is that a person is telling another in hopes of sharing
something personal and gaining support and it does not work out that way.
It this were the case I would just say- "You are entitiled to you
opinion and I am Entitled to mine." It doesn't have to be said in
snide way- I would just act respectful and keep you head held high- but we
all know it was a hard decision to make and you only deserve a pat on the
back.
— Jan S.
March 7, 2003
Just look at them and say "Who asked you?"
— Lisa N M.
March 7, 2003
I say... "well if the easy way out is alife altering dietincluding
never eating sugary or high fat foods,and 5 days a week of working out at
the healthclub, I would have to agree" people are so very ignorant on
the subject!!
— Vicki M F.
March 8, 2003
easy my ass LOL I agree with the last poster..let them get there tummy
sliced open, guts rearranged, eat barely no food, be pukey all the time,
avoiding most of the really "good" food..and see how EASY they
think it is..morons i tell ya!
— christine S.
March 8, 2003
I've told a few friends that I'm thinking about the surgery. All of them
are chronically on and off diets (though nowhere near MO). I'm inviting all
of them to go on the very strict presurgery diet with me (basically tuna,
cottage cheese, and salad). It'll be for 3-4 weeks, including our spring
break week. I'm jokingly telling them that on this
"sympathy/solidarity diet" they'll be sure to lose weight. I very
much doubt that they'll do it because they'll see it as so restrictive. I
figure this will insulate me from their ever telling me I'm taking the easy
way out!
— sjwilde
March 9, 2003
When my brother started to imply that it wasn't necessary, I just told him
to quit smoking. The conversation went no further.
— Fixnmyself
March 9, 2003
hiya. i have a list (don't know who originally wrote it) on my website in
the files section called "wls is the easy way out"..it lists
responses to use when people say that wls is the easy way out.
i never had anyone say that to me, i was very open about getting the
surgery and some ppl said stuff like, "really, you're not that
fat.." (i am 5' 1/4" and was 268lbs) but once they saw me a few
months post op i've gotten nothing but compliments on my success and praise
for the surgery.
i think a gracious, "thank you for your concern but this really is a
personal decision." is enough said...
{{hugs}} kate
— jkb
March 9, 2003
Easy, let them read my profile. Easy way out my ass. I have been lucky
because noone has right out said that to me, but most people I know have
watched me be sick for 12 months so I guess they know better. **1 yr PO,
-195lbs, crrt wgt 125lbs**
— smedley200
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